Lost in Boston

Could You Do It?

2011-12-02T18:23:00.001-08:00

I've reached at least some equilibrium looking at the lives of my students. I've had a rough time lately dealing with students who receive benefits who complain that they can't survive on what they receive...and that the government should give them more. There's this prevailing belief that they aren't getting enough from everybody, and that is causing them to fail.

Keep in mind I've been to places like India and Iraq where I have seen true poverty. Poverty does not include On Demand TV or free groceries. Except, maybe it does. Maybe if you are living in our society, you've been trained to live like an industrial consumer.

I've never clearly calculated how much a person on benefits gets before, but it turns out that at least one student gets $478 per month. In addition this student gets food stamps of $500 per month, and receives housing from the state. She has 2 children, both under the age of 4.

After this student said that she didn't have money to go to school (which is free of cost) I made her prove it to me. Here's what she showed me...

$138 monthly rent (2 bedroom apartment in Boston housing)
$60 bus pass (which she doesn't get because she can't afford it)
$60 cell phone (MetroPCS with unlimited talk/text/data)
$56 On Demand cable
$90 Diapers
$30 Laundry
Remaining $44 for household items such as paper towels, soap, clothes, toys, etc.

She also said the $500 food stamps were not enough for her family (of 3-4, depending on whether or not her children's father is in the household), but that she'll occasionally trade her food stamps for additional money to cover bills (since she can't build up any savings).

I would argue that school comes before a big cell phone plan or cable, which would save nearly $120/month right away. I will admit, however, that a phone is a necessity. I wish I'd known earlier while speaking to her that there's something called Carelink that provides free 50, 100, and 250 minute phone plans to people who can't afford a regular plan. Somehow I doubt she would have gone for it...smartphones are hard to give up...

And I got to thinking. I would probably go with cloth diapers if I only had that much money, the cheap pin kind, and I'd try to use cloth towels instead of paper towels...I could make and sell crafts or food to earn some extra money...I'd get DVD's from the library instead of watching TV...I'd make and freeze large portions of healthy foods...

But I've got a few things going for me. First, I've been interested in sustainable, environmentally friendly living for a while, so I know ways to live on a budget (even if I don't always succeed in my budget). Second, I'm older, and while I don't have my money balanced to a T, I've had enough experience to know how to use money. And frankly, it's hard to change your way of being. I doubt most under 21 year olds have truly developed a good sense of finance.

So the question isn't could YOU do it. The question is, if you were a young, uneducated person without any positive role models to show you how to make stuff from scratch or help you find alternatives to a life of poverty, could you budget yourself so that you could survive?

I still hope that this student, and all the other students like her, figure out how to prioritize. I think though, that the issue isn't easy to fix, especially considering that our current world isn't designed around cloth diapers or canned tomatoes. To change this one student's priorities we would need to change the look of poverty in America. I'm guessing disposable diaper companies, cell phone companies, and food manufacturers (and their stockholders) don't want to see that happen.

So once again, I've reached an equilibrium. I don't blame my students for becoming somewhat entitled, but I also don't know where I should place the blame.

Anyway, those are today's thoughts on poverty. I guess if it were an easy problem to solve it'd be fixed by now. Perhaps speaking about the problems, however, will help answers bubble to the top. If not, at least I've had my say.

Happy Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T11:47:00.001-08:00

Since we did Thanksgiving last weekend I'm spending this holiday relaxing and catching up on housework. Well, I will be catching up on housework after I'm done relaxing :) I have a to-do list that's huge, but I suspect that much of my list will remain undone. I'm okay with that.

Later in the day I'll reheat the Thanksgiving leftovers so we'll have turkey on the real day too. Gerd isn't really into football, so it's unlikely that we'll turn on the TV. I thought it would be strange or sad to spend Thanksgiving with just the two of us, but so far I've really enjoyed having a day off. I almost forgot that we have tomorrow off as well. Perhaps tomorrow the house will get clean...

Saturday is the big move, so I'm enjoying the house to myself as a last hurrah. Sunday I'll have eggs sucked out of my ovaries. Apparently all is going well so far, so I remain hopeful that everything will work out this time. The following Wednesday everything is stuck back in me and then I have to wait for two weeks to find out if it worked. I'm looking forward to the end of daily shots, but it's the following 2 weeks that make life miserable, and moody. Prayers would not be amiss.

Meanwhile I'm trying to come up with my "daily thankful" that I post on Facebook. There's really so much to be thankful for I don't know what to say. It just seems like it should be a big one on the real day. Anyway, hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving and a wonderful winter season full of food, love, and laughter.

Long Time No Blog

2011-11-16T16:00:00.001-08:00

Well, I haven't had much to say online lately, but not because life's been all peaceful or anything.

Right now we're in the middle of a move. An internal move, but a move nonetheless. A friend from church mentioned a few months ago that she had 8 more wees of savings and then she'd have to move back to Montana. So I offered to house her.

At the time I was really feeling like our house was a bit empty and lonely. We'd bought the house with children in mind, and well, it hasn't worked out yet. I've been toying with the idea of foster children, but Gerd isn't completely sold on the idea. Honestly, I'm not entirely sold on the idea, especially with me working full time.

I didn't know if H. would take me up on the offer, or what it would (will) be like if she DID take me up on the offer, so I didn't worry about making any changes. A few weeks ago she confirmed that she needed a place to go. I'm happy that we can offer a piece of our house up, and thankfully Gerd feels the same way. I think he's just glad we can't have foster children if I invite a family to come live with us for the next 7 months. Did I mention she has 2 children. H.'s husband died 1 1/2 years ago and shes been struggling to keep afloat as a single mother.

So we've moved down a floor. We have a 3 floor house with a HUGE master room that will serve as their studio. I naively thought it would be a quick move. I mean, it's only one floor down. Do you know, I have a lot...A LOT...of belongings. The master bathroom itself took an entire weekend (but the guest bath is now beautifully organized with our belongings). All of my clothes are now in the downstairs room, and most of my shoes. Now all that's left is everything else!

And at the same time all of this is going on our insurance approved IVF. Massachusetts requires health care to cover it for "medical necessity" which I fall under. Soooo, we're doing that too. The same weekend everyone is moving in a doctor will be harvesting my eggs. That means that I'm currently trying to do everything that I can to ensure I'm as healthy as I can be by then. That means I'm on a crazy gluten free, sugar free diet (that I somewhat frequently cheat on) and I'm trying to eat leafy greens, drink lots of water, avoid caffeine and alcohol, and get plenty of rest. The rest thing has been a little difficult because this medicine seems to give me headaches and mess with my sleep.

So changes galore at our house! Hopefully all the changes work out the best way possible and everyone stays happy. I guess only time will tell how well it will all go!

An Enjoyable Distraction

2011-10-06T15:47:00.000-07:00

I've spent the last, who knows long, trying to get my life a little greener. I'm trying to grow more of my own food (with mixed results) and buy more food locally through the farmer's market, or through my biweekly organic box. We've also, thankfully, had a new shop come in around the corner that sells local organic meets and staples.

But none of that talks about clothes.

I wouldn't say I'm the most fashionable person, but I would admit to liking clothes. When shopping, I've long since given up on finding anything make in the states. On a semi-recent shopping trip to Marshalls and Macy's I bought a whole bunch of new underthings, and overthings. It's not that I love shopping...but I do love getting new clothes.

Which is why I felt a little gauche this past weekend in New York City. Most of the people attending the birthday party we went to were pretty average people, for people who make a lot more money than we do (or at least than I do anyway). They all talked about their purchases at this store, or that shop. I tried not to drool. A few of the party attendees were not your typical people. They were into Mode, not fashion. They had purses worth more than my entire wardrobe, and shoes that had names of designers. I tried not to drool any more.

I walked away thinking out how much I would like some designer clothes, who I could budget some items in (like that amazing little coat, or a nice handbag, or a pair of designer shoes). The whole experience in NYC was like a great movie filled with effective commercials.

I'm back, and I'm still trying not to think about clothes. It's pretty interesting how I can try to justify spending money on a fancy outfit (maybe the expensive stuff is local?). But in the end, I know that my priorities are pretty good. I'd rather either invest the money, or give the money to charity before spending it on something that will fade out of "mode" in a year. But I have to admit, a little piece of me wouldn't mind that lifestyle. At least the whole thing was an enjoyable distraction (and maybe next month I will go shopping...for a few small things). Ah well, you can see my little inner demons come out, lets see which priority wins.

Hashimoto's Disease

2011-09-30T14:27:00.000-07:00

I don't think I've mentioned on here yet that I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder. It's not serious, that's what everyone at the doctor's office keeps saying anyway. After all, all you have to do is take thyroid medicine for the rest of your life and you should be fine.

It does explain why I was so tired for a while, and why I was pretty blue. It also likely explains the fertility issues (to a point). I've done enough research now to know that thyroid medicine may not make my symptoms go away forever, but I've been lucky, the drugs have worked amazingly well for me.

Ever since the start of the school year, which is always exhausting and hectic (for students, parents and teachers alike) I've noticed that I've been able to keep up. I have a clear mind, I'm not as stressed, less prone to panic, and more able to do more things. That doesn't mean I don't come home and completely collapse some days. I'm trying to figure out if the days that I don't want to do anything are just normal, or if I'm still getting over myself. I mean, my body attacks my thyroid, the medicine replaces the missing thyroid juice, but I'm still fighting against myself.

I've followed a homesteading blog for a while, and the author has recently posted an article about her battle with Hashimotos. She appears to be allergic to the medicine so she's gone the natural remedy route. After we finish trying to conceive I might be tempted to try some of the same things (but perhaps while using the medicine too). Right now I'm just enjoying being a bit more like myself again.

Right now I'm trying to catch up on my winter preparations. I'm afraid I'm desperately behind. I managed to can some marinara sauce last weekend on Saturday (on Sunday a friend and I went to Six Flags and giggled like teenagers as we waited for the front seat of each roller coaster). I'll be away the next two weekends too, first to New York for a friend's birthday party and then to the Berkshires for my 3rd installment of Permaculture.

Hopefully I can keep my energy level up! Anyway I'm trying to stay positive. It is nice to know that there really was something wrong with me, I wasn't just crazy. Now onto figuring out what that means for me for the future...

Goodbye Friend

2011-09-19T17:55:00.000-07:00

It's really no surprise that one of the phases of grief is denial. When someone is gone, we don't miss them if they're off to the supermarket or the movies. We just wait for them to come home. It's even easier to dwell in denial when someone lives further away. I mean, I love my grandfather, but I didn't speak to him everyday when he was alive. For months I kept having to remind myself that he really was gone. I still forget sometimes.

So it doesn't seem real yet that Bettina isn't around anymore. She was doing pretty good a few months ago. Sure, she was on oxygen, and I did know how quickly a person can go when they just aren't getting enough air, but she was so sure she was going to get better. And she was so young, too young, to have to deal with death. Diagnosed with breast cancer at 37, a recurrence at 40, another recurrence at 42. She lived the expected 5 years. And that just sucks.

You have to understand that Bettina was not someone you would expect to fade quietly. She was the clown, the crazy lady who drank beer while in hospice and had a going away snow tubing party. Somehow she just GLOWED with life. No really, her brother has a picture with the light shining behind her, and that's really what she was like all the time, shiny.

I'm not really sure how she would want to be remembered. She didn't want to die, so it was hard to talk about honoring her life. From knowing her, I would imagine she'd like something like a round a beer and a newly planted tree, or an annual naked run through the woods on her birthday (in winter). She loved nature more than most people, and she could keep even the least resilient plants alive despite a pretty mobile lifestyle.

So cheers, Bettina. This beer's for you. Safe travels to your new home. We love you.

Auto Pilot

2011-09-07T13:50:00.000-07:00

Well, not much has been happening lately, but the world keeps spinning

I love my Permaculture class. We learned about making Food Forests this weekend, which got me to thinking about buying some vacation property on which to plant things, like PawPaw trees and American Currents, and groundnut plants...

Financially though, not yet. And really, not yet because we're still not sure where we want to be. Here's some irony for you. Gerd doesn't want to leave Boston for at least another year, likely two, but it'll take that amount of time to save enough money to put a down payment on a small piece of land (if we're careful) but by then we might not need a downpayment because we could be somewhere else. He'd prefer Africa or Europe, I'd prefer Glens Falls or Albuquerque.

I don't know, we're just kind of stuck right now. Not quite sure yet what's going to unstick us.

Insomnia

2011-08-23T03:15:00.000-07:00

I can't sleep. I'm not sure if it's because a) I drank half a cup of chai at 5:00, b) I've had a splitting headache for the past 4 days due to allergies, c) I had a terrible day at work and am wondering if I'm in the right career (again), or d) my new thyroid medicine is keeping me awake. Probably a combination of all four.

I really didn't want to have to call in sick today. I don't even know WHO to call in sick too. My boss is on vacation, his boss is on vacation, the emergency contact number is someone I've never met before and wouldn't be able to do anything about my absence anyway. At around 4:00 this morning, after giving up my 3rd attempt at falling asleep (I'd already tried reading, meditating, watching TV, writing down my thoughts in a journal, praying, laying down on the sofa, surfing the web, and drinking water...didn't dare try to take more headache medicine) anyway, after all of that I made a vow that I would go into work for at least a half day. I mean, if you can't sleep, what's the point of staying home anyway? Except that my head is still killing me, I can't focus on objects (the screen is a bit blurry as I write) and I feel like I'm about to crash any moment now. I have a feeling that if I actually tried to teach anything I would come out like the teachers on the Peanuts movies...blah blah blah blah blah. Although, I am able to write this, so maybe I'll be okay after all? Hmm, 2 more hours to contemplate that. Maybe I can get into the doctor's office and get some real allergy medicine, this prescription strength stuff doesn't seem to be prescription strength.

Another Blog

2011-08-20T17:55:00.000-07:00

I decided I might just keep my attempts at food preservation on another blog. I tend to put personal stuff here, and while I'm pretty open about myself, I don't share the link to my blog too much. If someone happens upon me, fine, but the writing on this blog is about me owning up to what I'm feeling and how I'm doing and what I'm into. But my other blog will be more streamlined to the food issues that I'm so into right now.

If you're interested in my efforts to preserve the harvest I can be found at The Prosperous Pantry.

The Impossible Dream

2011-08-19T20:24:00.000-07:00

I frequently have harebrained ideas. This one is no different than the other harebrained ideas, but lets see if I can actually follow through on a crazy idea.

I want to put away food for the entire winter. I want to pretend that I'm a colonist that has limited access to trade goods and has stocked up everything that I need for the harsh, Massachusetts winter. I realize that I'll be using modern technology, in the forms of a freezer and pressure canner, but the idea will be the same...stock up or go without.

I'm a little late in the game. Otherwise I'd already have strawberries canned or frozen, but I'm not too late to try.

I've divided my foods into 4 categories: Frozen, Canned, Dried, and Cellar. In addition I hope to start some salad greens and spinach indoors to add some fresh stuff over the winter. By winter I mean December through March, although it really should be a longer period. I would think there wouldn't really be enough to harvest in March to get you through April, but 4 months of stockpiling is quite enough. I figure I've got 121 breakfasts, 121 lunches, 121 dinner, and 242 snacks to account for, with only 3 1/2 months to start stocking up.

Why, might be a good question.

First, I'm dedicated to the idea of eating locally and environmentally friendly meals. If I buy stuff out of season either I'm getting it from someone far away, somewhere that uses energy for hothouses, or someone else has had the burden of storing my food for me all winter and therefore has probably increased the price to account for energy costs.

I also think it will be a learning experience. Ideally I'd be growing all my own food, but as I noted earlier, my garden hasn't been as supervised as it should have, and definitely wouldn't get me through the seasons. Figuring out what I really need throughout the winter will be help during the planning stages of next year's garden. What I don't grow myself I'll buy locally from farmer's markets or local farms, which will also help me learn more about the local foods community around me.

Finally, I could use a challenge that doesn't involve students, attempts at fertility, or house construction. My acupuncturist told me to do something I love, and I love knowing where my food comes from and feeling like I'm living the way I want to live. I have very little hope that I will actually succeed entirely, considering this is my first time trying this, but I will do my best to do as good a job as I possibly can. If nothing else, it will be an interesting experiment in estimating and storage capacity.

Oven Pickle Canning

2011-08-14T16:53:00.001-07:00

I know, I JUST posted a few minutes ago, but oven canning is cool enough to deserve its own subject heading.

A friend came over this weekend and taught me how to make Senfgurken in the oven. Okay, for the non-German speakers, that's Mustard Pickles. Basically, they're like any other pickles, but instead of putting in the dill you just add more mustard seeds. They have a nice taste, not too sour or sweet, and they're dead easy. I happen to like dill pickles, so I'll be experimenting with the recipe to see if I can get dill pickles the same way.

Oven Mustard Pickles
1 liter water
1 liter vinegar
4 TBSP salt
5 TBSP sugar

Mix all in a bowl and set aside. Sanitize as many jars as you want pickles. Cut cucumbers into slices. Stuff jars with cucumbers, fill jars with cold brine to 1/2 inch headspace, dump "a bunch" of mustard seeds on top of each jar (maybe 2 TBSP?), wipe rims, put tops on jars, and place in the oven. Place a water filled pie tin or other water holding device in the oven in the bottom rack.

Turn on the oven to 275. That's right, start with a cold oven. Set the timer for 45 minutes from the time you put the pickles in the oven, not when it reaches 275. Turn the oven off in 45 minutes but allow the oven to completely cool before opening the oven, at least 3 hours, if not overnight. When you open the oven, tighten the lids again, but you'll notice that they're sealed. My friend's grandmother uses old jelly jars instead of modern canning stuff and apparently they seal this way too (but I'm not that brave).

I'm wondering if this will work with salsas and tomato sauce, or a variety of other typically water-bath canning foods. More experimenting is necessary. What's pretty nice is that you can do a whole bunch at one time (as many as fit in an oven), and if it works the same for all foods, you could probably do a few different foods at the same time.

My friend also convinced me to ferment grape leaves for Domas, so I'll let you know how that goes in a few days. They keep floating, so we'll see...

The Neglected Garden

2011-08-14T16:20:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately for my yard, I've had a bit going on this summer. It's been a pretty nice summer, all around (although I won't claim it was an *easy* summer). I was able to take a road trip from New Mexico, do a lot to the house, and I've made breakfast, and enjoyed mornings with my husband pretty much every day this summer. Too bad the list of summer activities did not include weeding or getting plants in the ground on time.

My garden wasn't abandoned, exactly, but perhaps a bit neglected. It really would have helped if I'd known WHAT I was growing, or where I was growing stuff. I had volunteer plants all over the garden, and I lost track of which tomatoes came from what farm immediately upon planting.

I've had to pull the squash plants because slugs demolished them. My bok choy bolted before I ate any. I have pumpkins on the vine, but many of the lower leaves are white with mildew, and I can only hope that the vine with continue to thrive. I've had only about 5 zucchini this summer, and even the broccoli is less fruitful that last summer. My garlic heads were very, very small. I had to replant my carrots, twice, because they were accidentally weeded out or didn't grow. I've still got to go through my potato "field" and pull up potatoes so I can plant winter crops...if it isn't too late already.

I was worried that my tomatoes were NEVER going to ripen, they were yellow for so long...and then I realized that they were yellow tomatoes. I only have one set of tomatoes that are "red" but I think they're actually purple.

So all in all, I'm pretty grateful for everything I HAVE been able to harvest. I've had some cucumbers, and now tomatoes, a small handful of raspberries every day, about 10 squash, a few zuchinni (which still might continue to produce more), 5 heads of broccoli so far, radishes, 4 green peppers, spinach, sunflower seeds, grape leaves, onions, scallions, and much earlier I had salad greens and peas. I could be leaving something out (probably am as a matter of fact) but nothing else comes to mind.

I hardly spent a lot on soil or plants this year (and it really shows). I doubt I broke even, but at least I've been able to get some of my own food, provide a bit of pollen for the mason bees, and have an attractive, if overgrown yard. I suppose my "crops" will taste especially sweet considering their rarity.

Values and Construction

2011-08-07T11:52:00.000-07:00

I'm torn. As usual, I have dueling values, and I never know which one is going to come out ahead.

I ran a mid-year assessment on our assets (because we really are trying to understand our spending) and I'm not sure how I feel about the results. On one hand, I think it verified what I've thought over the past month, we have fairly normal spending habits, although we only just broke even last month. Perhaps we have even less than normal spending habits... if you take out a few categories. Like the house. And the travel.

We have spent nearly $21,000 on construction this year. We've added a bathroom, replaced another bathroom, added a laundry room, and added a new entryway/mudroom. Realistically, we have another $10,000 to go before the house will "shine", and that's not really counting a real "redo" of the kitchen.

On one hand, this house really needs/needed a lot of work. I grew up with the idea that you keep up your property and improve it to make it the best it can be. I don't like living with water stains on the ceiling, cracked stairs, and holes in the walls. Paint may do wonders, but it's not enough to fix the problems this house has. And we're not all that handy. Well, my husband does the tile, and I paint, but neither of us has any intention of taking on the plumbing or the electrical work.

The thing is, after having spent that much money repairing a house, there's this huge lump in my stomach that says, what else could I have spent that money on. I could have given it to charity, not worked, adopted, or bought a piece of land in the country. Are my priorities alright? Is it okay to spend that much money on a house?!?

One of my friends in New Mexico has a bathroom that's out of date and slightly mildewy, but she's got other things to spend her money on, so it stays the way it is...functional. It's less than it could be (and I would think her remodel wouldn't be too expensive), and somehow I know I just wouldn't be able to leave it alone.

Which leads to the question of whether or not we're in the right house. I said sometime this year that we'll stay one more year here and then we're outta here, but that's easier said than done. The more work you put into a house, the more you want to see the whole thing done. It feels a bit incomplete. Then there's the question of WHERE we would move to. I've been scoping out alternative neighborhoods, and I think I have a good idea of where I might want to live, if we stay in the area, but a few months ago I was pretty ready to pack up and move out west. Finally there's the question about the price our house would sell for. Have we increased its value enough that we would at least break even? Ideally we'd come out ahead, but there's still so much more that would bring down the price.

So perhaps the real question is, at least for now, when to stay when. Can I leave the ceiling in our living room with a stain on it? Can I avoid covering the brick monster floor in the kitchen? Can I leave the stairs unfinished? Can I leave the landing floor parquet? We have old, run down furniture, can I stop wanting a new couch, a new slim TV, a new dining room set? Can I stop wanting anything?

The Benefit of a Local Shop

2011-08-03T15:06:00.001-07:00

Our lock has been on the fritz. A few months ago we tried to get a key cut, and it didn't work. That was at Home Depot, so we just figured they guy didn't know what he was doing. A few weeks later we tried to get a key cut at a local shop, and it didn't work, again. We figured something was just wrong with the lock. Even the keys that we already owned started to fail us. We relied on a couple of keys that would hesitantly open the door, going without a key if the contractor needed a key or if we had a guest.

Today the lock died completely. We thought our contractor had gone for the day until he sheepishly came up to Gerd's office where we were talking and told us he couldn't get our lock back together. He'd taken it apart in an effort to get it to lock.

We debated going to Home Depot to get a new lock, but decided to try the local lock shop that we've had good experiences with in the past. They were the only shop that carried a key that would fit our classic Mini. We like to support local business, and were only concerned if they would be open at 5:00 or not. Turns out they close at 6:00, which was plenty of time for her (it's run by a brassy Southie lady) to help us.

We had only taken in the back portion of our lock, thinking that we needed to replace the whole thing. She sent us back for the lock itself, but out of concern for us not having a lock in place, sent us home with a temporary deadbolt with keys to put in the door until the lock could be replaced.

After installing the temporary bolt, Gerd went back with the lock, with the intention of getting it fixed and repinned. He came back, a little embarrassed, not more than 10 minutes later. The locksmith had oiled the lock with WD40 and it worked just fine. She'd seen me ogling the pretty keys and picked out a butterfly key that she reminded him that I'd wanted. Cost of the new key, $2.00. No charge for the temporary lock, or the lock servicing.

I figure we might have spent something like $100 replacing the lock. It's not my favorite lock, so someday we might go ahead and do so. But if we do, we're definitely getting any new locks from the local lock shop.

Permaculture

2011-07-28T18:15:00.000-07:00

per·ma·cul·ture

noun /ˈpərməˌkəlCHər/

The development of agricultural ecosystems intended to be sustainable and self-sufficient

I'm about to take a course on permaculture. I've been wanting to do this for years and years and years, and I finally get to do it! Never mind that my own garden is covered in grass, the tomatoes need some support, and I haven't seeded my fall plants yet. I'm going to learn to be a farmer. I wonder if they'll also teach me to do my chores on time too? Or maybe I won't need to do chores because everything is self-sufficient. I hope they tell me I need chickens....

What I do with all of this knowledge is up in the air. Construction continues on our house (tiles have been purchased and the walls are done) but I'd really like to get out of the city someday. What good is learning how to farm if you don't have a farm? Until then I'm trying to work on a list of reasons I like Massachusetts, and specifically Boston. Here's my list so far:

1) The American Provisions shop is just around the corner if I want to buy some local eggs or meat.
2) I can take the bus or cycle to work
3) My yard is south facing (and may have inspired a few neighbors to actually plant something other than grass)
4) Health insurance in MA includes IVF under "medical necessity" laws
5) I live in a diverse population, restaurants and shops reflect the variety of cultures that surround us.
6) My church is awesome, even if I don't go every week.

Perspective

2011-07-25T18:51:00.000-07:00

I watched the president tonight and couldn't help but think about all the changes, or lack of changes, that have happened in our country over the past 10 years. Now, I'm sure life wasn't just a bowl of cherries 1o years ago, but the overall outlook on life, and our country just seemed so much more cheerful and positive. Now we've gone so far in decline that our president admits that we have a dysfunctional government, the only way we can avert a credit crisis is by raising our debt limit, and we're still going to loose all kinds of program funding.

In those 10 years, I've been through war, broken off an engagement, finished a master's degree, moved states, married, and well, there's so much I could keep going on and on. I guess it makes sense that the world doesn't stay still, but why can't I, or anyone else (at least on the news anyway) see a way to a brighter future?

There are times when I get stuck in my own muck. Fourth of July is always hard, and it really hasn't been our favorite year so far. But even my own muck goes away when I look at things from a different perspective. For example, I read one article that has helped me look at my PTSD firework experience from another angle. It turns out the survivors of the World Trade Center attack have the same problems as I do. Somehow, by understanding what others have gone through, I get a new take on my own circumstances. When we realize that something is wrong with us, we look for ways to fix it. We diet when overweight. We cut back when money is tight. We can see when things are going down the tube and make changes.

But where is that perspective for our nation? How do we get past this bout of national depression? Can we, as the president asked, find compromise and build our nation back together? Or will we remain isolated and angry as we dwell on all the evils that, over the past 10 years, have gone our way. The most frustrating thing about government is this feeling of complete lack of control. Was life better 10 years ago, or did we have more faith in our system of government? How do we get ourselves back to our pre-war selves? How do we heal?

Lots of questions, but not a lot of answers. What do you think? Please weigh in and let me know how you see our current situation, and how you see our future.

Mid-Month Status Update

2011-07-20T17:20:00.000-07:00

We're not on budget. We're not doing too badly, but still...not on budget. In fact, we're around $700 over budget in food, entertainment, medical expenses, and my personal spending (but I think that's unfair...$150 from our travel spending ended up on this month's spreadsheet, and we weren't budgeting then....) Groceries for 2 people, so far, have totaled $375. Actually, for 2 people, eating 3 meals a day, plus snacks on that amount, I don't think that's too bad. If we didn't buy any more groceries our total would add up to something like $2.5/meal.

Fortunately, we also have a few less expenses than expected, so we'll still save some money this month. The fireplace has to wait. The whole fireplace idea has just become drama, drama, drama. Without going into how much drama one shop can keep you in, I'll abbreviate by explaining that a) we are NOT going to tear down our already existing chimney to build another one, and b) we received differing prices, from different people within the same company, but nobody will guarantee one final price. We'll get our fireplace someday, but maybe not this year, and most likely not for the place we thought we would.

The laundry room is drywalled and taped, and the tile, paint, and light fixtures have been selected. Gerd has been eying wet saws for a few weeks, and it looks like he'll start tiling either this weekend or the next. I'm hoping for sooner, but he works on his own time (plus we need to do something with the mini over the weekend)

Life outside of house repair has been just as busy. I started teaching my ESOL class, and while I love my students, I'm struggling to figure out what to do. Everyone has offered advice or materials, which is great, but it's the tying together of all things English that I'm having a hard time with...how do I make it STICK? After the first week the only thing keeping me there was a commitment to the summer, and that I've got great health care benefits through the organization. It's getting a little better, but I still wonder sometimes if my time wouldn't be better served being a housewife.

Not in the budget, but something I'm going to do anyway, is a Permaculture class in western Massachusetts over the next four months. The last weekend in July, Labor Day, Columbus Day, and Veteran's Day weekends will all be taken up with camping and farming. I'm so excited! It's something I've wanted to do for years, but the classes are usually a two week long block during a time that I'm teaching...

Anniversary

2011-07-12T19:20:00.000-07:00

I would have written this yesterday, on our actual anniversary, but we got home from our "event" late enough that writing wasn't a realistic option.

Two years ago we quietly married and said we'd have a wedding later. My dad said a wedding would be fake, and I was offended. But you know what, he was right. I don't really need a wedding. We have a great life together, and that's what's important.

Maybe one of these days we'll have a party, but if not, I'm okay with that. We're pretty happy together just the way we are.

Reality Check

2011-07-02T19:33:00.000-07:00

After about 5 hours of budget deliberations, we now have a budget. It's an ambitious budget, and it will get us nowhere near a 9k savings in a couple of months, but it is a bit more realistic than my original thoughts. Funny how hard data can bring clarity.

Our bank has a great application that allows you to categorize your expenses and download all kinds of charts and graphs. If everything would just categorize automatically it would be perfect, but we do need to go in and mark some things that aren't clear to an automated system.

It's through this program that I found out that I earn 15% of our household income. Depressing, right. 20% of our income goes to the mortgage, but lately 40% of our budget has gone to travel. Just as I was about to nix the travel fund for the next few months, Gerd reminded me that his annual trip to Germany for his grandmother's and mother's birthdays is coming up next month.

So we're cutting back on food. Let me tell you, food is EXPENSIVE in Boston. I'm allowing us $100 for dining out in a month, $100 each for our own monthly personal spending (like lunches or whatever), $200 for groceries, and $100 for a mad cash fund for unexpected things that come up.

Today was the first spending day, and it was much, much harder than I thought it would be. I've already spent $22 of my $25 for the week going to dinner with a friend. We had a groupon or it would have been twice as expensive. I went grocery shopping and spent $44 for the week, but I have about $10 worth of groceries yet to buy!

Gerd has already complained that $100 a month won't be enough for him. He's going to lunch with former coworkers of his on Wednesday and seems to think he'll go over budget by the end of this week.

Well, it IS an extreme budget, but we're trying to save up a bunch of money. I guess we'll see how it goes over the next week or so. Crazy to be on such a tight budget when our combined salary seems so high...but we really want that fireplace. So save we will. Wish us luck :)

Budget Crunch

2011-07-01T19:07:00.000-07:00

We're back!

Our trip through the U.S. was pretty great, and it was wonderful to hang out will friends and family along the way. I'm really so thankful that we a) had enough savings to be able to do it and b) were able to see and do so much in such a short time (10 states in 14 days!) I don't regret our vacation at all.

But...the thing is, we need to get back on budget. I haven't gone through the receipts yet, but this trip likely cost us 4k. The car alone was nearly $2000, then there's the gas, and the hotels, the plane tickets, and the park fees, and the food (ummm, the food!) The worst expense though was unpaid leave. I don't make that much, but 9 days is nearly 10, which is half of my salary for a month. Not that I'm really complaining (I really needed some time off), but it was an expensive trip.

So the plan is to get back on budget, right. Well, except that we might not be able to right away. We've already had the fireplace guy come over and give us a quote. That price (4k) will go up if we don't get the work done before the end of August. We're finishing up the laundry room (likely another 3k after the remaining labor and buying a new washer and dryer). Then there's the garden (I'd like to replace the bolted spinach, lettuce, and radish bed with other cool season crops) and the dehydrator that we want to buy in order to use the grain CSA stuff that I got last summer... Well, the list just goes on and on.

All of this spending while both of our jobs, while safe for at least another 6 months, are questionably secure, is about to make me go into panic mode. I vote for a construction loan on the house, but my other half (who probably has way more money sense than I do) had nixed the idea. In my mind the value of the house will go up with the improvements we've made, and therefore it'll be like we bought a newer, nicer house, and we really have a bunch of things to do to this house before either of us will feel comfortable in it. We would get to keep our savings in savings and still get our house out of construction hell. But that's not going to happen.

So, the question is...what's going to give.

Option 1:
Finish the laundry room construction, but leave the downstairs bathroom unfinished until later.
We tape the drywall ourselves and do the flooring, and keep the washing machine from downstairs until we buy a set later.
We put the fireplace in during August, giving us one more month until that bill is due.
(approximate cost: 5K)

Option 2:
Finish the laundry room and downstairs bathroom entirely (we still tape the drywall and do the flooring)
Buy the washer and dryer, but skip the fireplace this year.
(approximate cost: 4k)

Option 3:
Leave the laundry room unfinished and keep using the creepy basement setup for a while longer
Skip the fireplace again this year, or pay more after September
(approximate cost: 0-5k)

Option 3 really isn't a pleasant option for us for a couple of reasons. 1) our contractor is back to work and we don't want him to move onto another job before he finishes our laundry room, and 2) we have a big gaping whole in the center of our house

SO...Do we live without a downstairs bathroom or without a fireplace? I vote for no fireplace, but my husband REALLY, I mean REALLY, wants a fireplace. We'll decide together, but I figure we can close the bathroom door for now and nobody will be the wiser for a while. We can finish the bathroom a few months down the road without the price going up significantly.

The question is, can we, in 2 months, put 4k back in the bank while spending 5k on the house? 9k over our necessary spending? Theoretically it's possible, but improbable. Maybe if we didn't eat, use electricity, or do anything that involves money. So I will be number crunching to see exactly how much money we actually could save. A wedding present for a friend, and my garden supplies are non-negotiable, but other than that, what do we really need to spend money on?

Oh, and why 2 months? Because that's the time that we have to have paid for the fireplace, and we don't use credit cards as a credit line (all debts are paid off in the month that we make the purchase).

Living Well

2011-06-12T17:08:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't really written in a while. I find that I write when I either feel like life is going completely bonkers, or when it's absolutely fantastically wonderful and I just need to share. But...life has been pretty normal lately. The Chinese herb version of antidepressants has really kicked in (or perhaps the mega-hormone producing pharmaceuticals have worn off), and I feel....well, normal. It's almost like opening my eyes the first time after Lasix. Everything was so clear and perfect, like a new pair of glasses, but almost permanent. And I've been meaning to write about that, but life was just so luscious I needed to go enjoy it for a while.

But this post isn't really my post. I check the Common Sense Homesteading blog on occasion, and Laurie, the author has posted a blog hop. Her question was "what have you done this week to live well." I'm cheating though, because I want to talk about what I've done this month (which does include this week, right?).

I've been working with an acupuncturist/herbalist and a counselor to get me healthy, both emotionally and physically, because I've had a rough go of it even before Iraq and the accident, and well, everything else. About a month ago I really started to make a breakthrough. I can't talk about living well without explaining how clearly now I can see the place I was in, and it wasn't good.

I recently posted about trying to catch up with laundry, which is somewhat synonymous for putting my life back in order. A commenter was stunned by how difficult a time I was having handling something like 1/4 of what she had to do around the house. Okay, maybe not stunned, and definitely not judgmental (because you're awesome) but surprised nevertheless. I've got to say it was a little bit of a catalyst for me to get out of my rut.

So for the past month, now that my spirit has been lifted, I set upon keeping my house in order. I figured that I wasn't really living well if I was ashamed of myself. Yes, you can go on about different standards of living, how I shouldn't be ashamed of myself, but it's no good, I knew my house wasn't where I wanted it to be. Now, before I give you this idea that I'd end up on an episode of Horders or Clean Sweep, life wasn't even close to that, but lets just say it took a full week of work to put things to rights. And that's without any distractions like a husband around or kids to keep me off track. It was a pretty full week.

Every day since that lightbulb went on, I've managed to stick to a morning routine. I get up and make my bed. I make sure no clothes are randomly strewn about the room and that my shoes are put away. I shower, change, you know, normal morning stuff, and then go into the garden and either water the plants or pick some greens I then fix breakfast for me and my husband and take my herbs along with a probiotic drink. I then basically go to work. As a bonus, once a week I've been cycling (except for that one week that involved way too much rain). Overall my mornings take 2 hours, and while I've been getting later and later to work, I haven't needed an alarm yet.

Now that I've started maintaining my house I've been able to look into things I haven't been getting done. While I haven't written the notes yet, I have purchased the cards I need to send for sympathy, congratulations, and happy whatevers that I'd really like to send off soon.

My husband, inspired by regular breakfasts I suppose, has started baking sourdough bread weekly and keeps the kitchen tidy. He's also been keeping up his side of the bedroom and limited clutter to his office.

Additionally, because my house is more in order, when we had friends over this weekend I only needed to scour the house for 3 hours before they got here. If you think that seems bad, this guest is allergic to cats and we have 3 cats and 3 floors (and we didn't bother with the basement). Now lets see if I can keep the house organized, and clean for the next week!

I think the original question was posed so that I could give some sort of advice for living well. I don't really have much advice really. I think that if I've learning anything from the past month it's possibly that if something seems wrong in your life, and you're trying to fix it, eventually you'll be able to get where you're going. It just takes a bit of persistence.

My version of living well includes health, self respect, love, sharing, and community. Keeping my house organized has allowed me to live well in each of these categories this week.

Involuntary Service

2011-06-01T14:10:00.000-07:00

When I was activated for duty in the reserves it was under "Involuntary Orders". I was going weather or not I wanted.

I feel a little bit like that now. I got to work on Tuesday and found out my job description was changing. We're facing a budget shortfall, and to make up the difference, we've added an ESL course to our summer workload. Too bad we couldn't add an ESL teacher too.

I have some background in ESL, although I never did get fully certified. I even taught an ESL course my first semester teaching. But I wasn't expecting to switch classes this summer, and I'm a little worried.

First of all, my boss, who has a background in psychology instead of education, will be teaching my regular GED class. He's a pretty capable guy, at least I would think so, but teaching is no easy thing to learn. I stayed up late last night trying to find any material I could give him to help prepare him for a classroom. Today when I asked if he was receptive to information, and he took the literature, but seemed to think he'd be fine on his own. He's taken Ed Psych, he said, and I guess to him that's all a person really needs....

And I'm a little insulted. I offered to help in developing some lesson plans, and while he said he'd listen to me, he also said he wouldn't guarantee that he'd listen to my advice..."because it would be a good chance to introduce the students to a different method of teaching". So he thinks the method of someone who has never taught before will be more effective than my own?

I think that in general there's a trend in education to think that it's something anyone can do with or without training, and with or without experience. I've got to tell you that there are very few "naturals" out there who don't need any help getting started. Teaching is a delicate balance, and how many people have you known that can just pick up a bike for the first time and just ride. Even if you're talented it takes time and practice. I'm not saying my boss questions my ability to teach, but he must have at least somewhat bought into this new trend if he's not scared to death of being unprepared for the classroom.

But mostly I'm worried about creating a whole new curriculum for a group of students I don't even know yet. We don't have test scores, or levels of speaking and writing ability. In fact, we're not sure how the assessments will be made, or by whom they'll be made. It's going to be a lot of work pulling a program together within the next month.

For continuity, it probably would have been better for me to continue teaching the GED class and my boss to teach the ESL group. Perhaps he wants to teach the GED class in case he has to eliminate my position in September. The money we will get only alleviates the budget problem until the end of summer, and then we're out of luck. He could want to keep the school going without me. Or perhaps he thinks ESL will be the more difficult class to teach and that time and experience teaching have made me the better choice for the job. I guess only time will tell.

I guess I could choose to leave now, but it won't be easy to find another job. And I really like my job. I'm rather hoping that my boss can find the funding needed to keep us open at least another year.

Thank Goodness the Weatherman was WRONG!

2011-05-31T20:11:00.001-07:00

We had a beautiful weekend. I'm so glad I decided to stay put and not pay for a trip to Costa Rica :) As if I could currently afford a trip to Costa Rica.

Instead we went to the Cape and met my cousin once removed. She's a cutie! My cousin and his wife are happily ensconced in their new life, as I suppose it should be. I only got a bit teary once, and only then at discussing my own thoughts on children in the future. Seeing a baby didn't make me want a child more or less, it just made me want to hurry up a bit.

We left early because, although the kid was cute, there's only so much baby talk I can be submitted to right now. The idea was that I'd go to church, but I slept in late anyway and ended up missing the service. Ah well, it was a nice morning in the garden.

My tomatoes are doing well and a few seeds of beans and cucumbers are starting to peep through the earth. My potatoes have made an appearance! For a brief moment I imagined a barren landscape, but everything is beginning to grow....and get eaten by some unknown pest. Note to self, must look into organic methods of aphid removal, or whatever other bug eats spinach.

In the evening I remembered why we enjoy Boston. A few friends joined us for a dinner picnic at the Espinade. It didn't cool off until far later than we expected, but by 7:30 it was just about perfect. We walked over to the North End and grabbed some gelato from a stand and made our way to Revere Park.

Monday was just as nice. I had a groupon to the Isabelle Stewart Gardner Museum so my husband and I cycled over despite the warmth of the day. It's really amazing how a tree lined street can be so much cooler than one that doesn't have any shade. We took a nice bike path along a park I didn't know existed. I've got to return someday and check out the rose garden when everything is in bloom!

The museum was interesting, and easy to see in an afternoon. I wish I'd read up on it before hand and looked for all the missing artwork. I did notice a few empty frames, but didn't really know WHY they were empty until I got home and googled it. I'd like to go back someday when they have music in the courtyard. If I ever become a billionaire, I want a replica of that courtyard.

On our way home we checked out our old garden plot in the Victory Gardens...it was kind of bittersweet. It obviously hasn't been completely abandoned, but our version was better. It's just such a shame that it's too far away to keep. We loved our plot...but now we've got a nice yard to care for.

Work on Tuesday is a huge post of it's own, and one that I won't be able to write with only 7% of my battery life remaining. Until then, happy belated Memorial Day!

Nowhere in the World

2011-05-23T15:19:00.000-07:00

I don't know how your weather is, but ours stinks. Actually, I suppose I DO know how your weather is, because I've just spent the last 10 minutes trying to find somewhere...anywhere...that has sunshine. 2+ weeks of cloudy, drizzly weather has beaten me down. I was just about to flee the area over Memorial Day and find somewhere dry (what good is the beach when it's raining anyway?) but guess what, it's raining everywhere!

Where it is expected to be cloudy or rainy over Memorial Day Weekend...

Washington D.C.
Chicago
St. Louis
Asheville NC
Charleston SC
Houston
Pittsburg
San Francisco
Dublin
Berlin
Munich
Sydney
Cape Town
Bermuda
Fiji
Christchurch New Zealand

Where it will be sunny and cloud free each day?

Albuquerque, NM
Tucson, AZ

That's right, the only place in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD (as much as I can google in 10 minutes anyway) that is sunny is the area I consider home. I'd go in a flash, if only ticket prices weren't like $800 right now. I guess everyone needs a little sun right now.

Now, I know it could be much, much worse than Boston. I'm worried about the people in Joplin right now because I know a lot of students who when to my college came from, and returned to, the area. The flooding in Missouri also hits pretty close to home. The blasting of the levee along the Mississippi, and the need for the blast, also puts things in perspective.

Indeed. We ALL need a little sun right now. So do any cultures have an un-rain dance? "Rain, Rain, Go Away" just isn't doing the trick.

Nutritional Workshop

2011-05-21T18:02:00.001-07:00

One of the nice things about my company is the professional development offered every year. This year our morning session was on nutrition, which happens to tie into a unit I want to teach this summer. It was very informative...but a bit frustrating from the standpoint of someone who is more organic minded.

I'm pretty sure the class was designed with a more mainstream crowd in mind. There were empty boxes of food on each table so we could practice reading the labels. We went over the evils of empty calories. Weight, shape, and BMI were all clearly laid out.

But...she made it sound like tub margarine was better than butter. She differentiated between "good sugar" and "bad sugar". She offered her opinion on cleanses...which is that anyone who does so must be crazy (because a colonoscopy doesn't make you feel better you know).

Now, my students are light years away from being concerned about the difference in glycemic count between agave nectar, honey, stevia, or maple sugar. They are completely unaware about the posibility of using wheatberries in your cooking, and have no concern about sprouted versus unsprouted flour.

So I should be particularly grateful that this nutritional "counselor" reintroduced me to mainstream thought. Not that I was planning on going so far into healthy eating as I could, but this workshop reminded me to focus on what my students will be able to do.

1) Avoid or reduce saturated fats
2) Reduce sugar intake, particularly in beverages
3) Add whole grains into their diet in some way.
4) Exercise 30 minutes 7 days a week.
5) Recognize a realistic portion size
6) Make sure eating is for nutrition, not for emotional reasons
7) Know the appropriate level for blood sugar, blood pressure, and BMI

Electronic Fast

2011-05-18T16:07:00.000-07:00

Last week I decided to make up for my lack of a lent this year. The idea was that I would limit myself to only 3 hours of "escapism" time every week. No internet. No random iPhone games. No books. No TV. Nothing.

This, I decided, would help me re-prioritize my time. I would exercise more. Clean more. Cook more. Generally do more things that I like, or need, to do.

It worked the first week, at least to the point that I have an organized, relatively clean house. I say relatively because the kitchen remains in a constant state of needing to be cleaned and my office needs serious work. I'm not even including Gerd's office, which I'm not touching (really, although it's so tempting). Honestly... I even baked fresh bread.

Note that last week my husband wasn't home. Somehow it's easier to do things when he's not here, even though he's really a supportive kind of guy. Even with the amount of stuff I got done, Friday night killed the fast. I gorged on online HGTV episodes until I couldn't stay awake any longer.

This week I tried again, but the rain has been my enemy. I couldn't HELP but read a book. I mean, what else should you do on a rainy day (never mind the stack of mail that needs to be sorted, or the basement could be tidied, or the bathrooms could be cleaned...) Today is supposed to be Stammtisch, but I just don't want to.

What I want to do is continue to surf the web. Somehow I had a random thought to look online for my high school. Guess what, they have a list of faculty. Most of my most memorable teachers are still there. Most, not all, but enough to wax nostalgic. I even saw a youtube performance by the band...we were way better.

It's actually a bit surprising that I'm sucked back into the world of electronics. I had a wonderful day. I woke up after a (yes, really) 10 hour night of sleep. I took my herbs, which seem to be working. I feel like I'm coming out of a fog. The school day went fabulously, and while I won't claim brilliance, all the lessons went well and students were focused. It's just that when I came home I just drained. The thought of using anymore energy did not appeal. I was tired of being peppy and cheerful.

Just do it anyway, right? Drive through the emotion... But why? I don't NEED to do anything. I have no little ones forcing me to put a nice meal on the table or ensure the house won't foster plague type bacterias. Why NOT relax and do nothing? Would I really be happier if I forced myself to do something? I'm not really sure. I've got to tell you, it's pretty interesting to return to high school for an evening (even if it does make me a bit melancholy...boy do I wish I had been more of SOMETHING back then). Thinking back is like watching a really painful yet funny movie, like American Pie.

So what teachers are still there:
Ms. Armstrong, Drama coach and English Teacher
Mr. Stinson, Math teacher (who actually got me to understand algebra enough that I can teach it...despite no training in teaching algebra :)
Mr. Niemiec, Band teacher (thank goodness they now have a separate orchestra teacher)
Mrs. Ottoman, Drama, but she was the best English Comp teacher ever
Mr. Catt (NOT my favorite history teacher, I'm pretty sure he sent Jacob Huck to the principals office for refusing to read round robin from the textbook)
Ms. Chandler (WAS my favorite history teacher, and responsible for me choosing International Relations as a major in college)
Mr. Steckler, Okay, wasn't really a memorable teacher to me at the time, but I do remember him.
Ms. Sherman, Now department chair. I still remember her Spanish idioms.

So if you're reading this, and you still have connections to the area, this probably isn't too surprising to you. For me, I haven't been back to the high school since 1996, and haven't thought about the teachers (except perhaps once or twice in passing) since about then. In fact, I rarely open my year books. I did so today, and was surprised by the lack of signatures on my junior and senior yearbooks. Did I really have so few friends? Maybe that's why I haven't gone back down memory lane before now....

And now I'm going to go back to my fast. Maybe. After I figure out whatever happened to that old abandoned house on Lantern Road.

Wash and Fold Laundry

2011-05-10T07:09:00.000-07:00

Did you KNOW that is Boston there's a service called delivery wash and fold laundry?! How could I not have known about this before??? $1.37/pound with pick up and delivery included. That's cheaper that it was when I lived in Fitchburg and had to drive everything over to the laundromat. They even have discounted monthly service plans. Who knew?!?

When we started our bathroom project we had our 220 volt outlet for our dryer moved...and haven't gotten the new dryer yet. We don't use the dryer much anyway usually, but the thing is...I've got a huge backlog of laundry, and it's supposed to rain for the next 5 days. Our indoor laundry rack is already overloaded... so I'm seriously considering this whole someone else doing my laundry for me thing, at least this once. Seriously, with 4 houseguests in the last month I needed to wash every sheet we own, and half of the towels (okay the towels is a bit of an exaggeration).

So what does a load of laundry cost? $20. Is that highway robbery? I'm not sure. A laundromat would probably cost at least $5, so paying someone else to pick up, launder, and deliver my cloths seems pretty realistic. Even still, I won't be using the service regularly. I mean, I probably do (or should do) at least 4 loads of laundry a month. There's no way I can justify $80/month on laundry services when I have a washing machine (no matter how tempting it sounds). But it is nice to know that if I get stuck there's a quick way out. If I can get their website to recognize my address...

Find Something You Love

2011-05-09T20:39:00.000-07:00

I have to admit, I was a bit whiny today when I got to my acupuncture appointment. I'm in a rut, a rut that includes a messy house, an upset stomach, and a general apathy for pretty much anything. It just feels like I'm treading water, waiting for something to happen. I don't DO much of anything right now.

I have far more time than most people do. I only work 35 hours per week. I don't have children, I'm not taking classes. I don't have a time consuming hobby. I'm not a fitness fanatic. I don't watch TV, or even read that much during the week. Okay, I surf the web sometimes, but even that can't account for all of my wasted hours.

Really, I should have scads of ways to spend my time. I mean, if nothing else my house should at least be clean. What do I DO with my time????

So at my acupuncturists I asked what to do if I don't do anything. Her response makes complete sense to me...find something you love to do. Find that one thing that you'll do, even if you don't feel like doing anything, just because you love it. The problem is, I don't know what that is.

Some people cook, or write, or sew, or garden. They have some internal need, or want, to do something. I like to do all of the above, but not so much that it's a driving passion. I can tell you for sure that if I don't feel like doing anything I am NOT going to want to cook. Or clean, or well, do anything.

I mean, I have a lot of likes, but not a lot of LOVES. So IS there something out there that I would love, love, love to do? I really don't know.

Ding Dong

2011-05-02T18:42:00.000-07:00

I don't rejoice in the death of Osama bin Laden. One friend on Facebook posted the following, and I think it just about sums up my feelings as well...

"I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars." - Martin Luther King Jr.

So I find myself thinking about the book Wicked, and the different perspective of the death of the wicked witch. (And that's just a movie.) Not everyone is as we portray them, and even the worst sorts have all kinds of hidden sides. I hope for bin Laden's sake that he was a person who loved and was loved by someone, and I hope that those who mourn him can find their way around the hate that is so present in our world today.

Adult

2011-04-29T15:40:00.001-07:00

An unexpected bright part of the week! A visit from one of my best friends from high school!! Kelly had a conference in Boston and was able to sneak away for a evening. We went to Petit Robert, my favorite restaurant, although perhaps we should have gone elsewhere. I'd forgotten Kelly's gluten intolerance so she ended up with mussels instead of the requested "meat". Still, it's such a nice place to sit and talk, and the weather was nice enough for us to sit outside and relax.

Kelly had to go to Danvers the following day so she spent the night and I lent her my car. She got up early enough to ALMOST miss the rush hour traffic...on the way to work. Unfortunately she ended up in terrible traffic on the way back and was so late I was worried she'd miss her flight. Turns out I didn't need to worry about it. Fifteen minutes after dropping her off at the airport Kelly called to have me come pick her up again...her flight was canceled.

Bonus! Well, for me anyway. Kelly was looking forward to a flight home so she could run up to Chicago for the Gluten Free Festival... Instead we ended up touring Boston's Chinatown. We were supposed to head up to the North End for Italian gluten free pasta, but without my iPhone I made a few directional mistakes and began to stress out a little We ended up at a sushi place that was excellent (I even liked the raw eel!).

It's wonderful to see her again, but strange to see her as an adult. We have houses and significant others and real jobs... The last time we hung out, other than at a weekend wedding trip, was when we were in college! Sure, I've seen her a few times since, and it's nice but odd each time. Still, there's an easiness about us as friends, so while it isn't the same, it's comfortable to be around her again. We agreed, we shouldn't wait so long to see each other next time.

The downside of the week was the loss of my new iPhone. I finally broke down and bought an iPhone 4. The first day I had students it was stolen. I had it out to time a student, and within 30 minutes (while I was in the room) it disappeared. It's $600 to replace it so I'm still deciding what to do.... it was a very expensive mistake to leave my phone on my desk. I'm pretty sure I know who took it, but I'll never be able to prove it...it's gone. What ticks me off most is IF it really is who I think it is, I know what the money was for. I'm not entirely pro-life anymore, but that doesn't mean I want my property to be used to fund an abortion.

So the week has been a mixed bag. All in all though, a visit from an old friend is a great balm for an otherwise crummy week.

Storm Passing Over

2011-04-25T14:59:00.000-07:00

The Storm is Passing Over is a song we sing in our choir frequently. I love it. I really do. Music is one of the ways that feel connected to God, and it almost always makes me feel better.

I've been absent from all things church lately. With all of the stress I've been under I haven't much been up for a crowd of people. Oh I know that church would be good for me, but this slump has been bigger than any motivation to make it out of the house. I ALMOST made it to Easter service, but I didn't. It's almost like I gave up church for lent.

But somehow I feel like the storm really is passing over.

Over Before You Know It

2011-04-21T05:13:00.000-07:00

Well, I was expecting a negative pregnancy test. I thought the answer was going to be simple, I either was, or was not pregnant, right? Wrong.

Apparently you *can* be "sort of" pregnant. I got a call saying that my hCG levels were only at 20, rather than the expected 200 mLU. The physicians assistant told me that there were three options.

1) Implantation had been delayed and everything would be fine
2) I was in the process of a miscarriage
3) I had an ectopic pregnancy (that would result in miscarriage)

Of course I was hoping for the first option, but by the evening it became clear that I wouldn't be keeping this one. Not great news.

Years ago no one would have known I was even pregnant, so I'm trying to look at it that way. I don't know if I'd rather it hadn't worked at all or not. On one hand, it worked! On the other hand, if it wasn't viable, why not? Will any further attempts be viable? But if it hadn't worked I'd have wondered if it would ever work.

So I'm bitterly disappointed and debating future options. We'd planned on doing at least one more IVF cycle if this one didn't work, but were looking into insurance programs. The insurance issue deserves a post of its own, so I won't get into that nightmare now. The cost for one cycle, that we'd have to pay on our own, adds up to $17,000. If we want genetic testing to make sure the embryos are viable, that costs an additional $3000. So the question isn't just CAN I get pregnant, it's also can I AFFORD to get pregnant?

Top 10

2011-04-20T15:03:00.000-07:00

Here's my top 10 favorite romantic comedies for when you just want to escape real life for a while.

1) While You Were Sleeping
2) Cutting Edge
3) The Truth About Cats and Dogs
4) French Kiss
5) Pretty Woman
6) The Proposal
7) Return to Me
8) Practical Magic
9) The Wedding Planner
10) Overboard

These are ranked in the order of most favorite to least favorite for a dreary day. They aren't necessarily the best movies, but they're my standbys. Sure, there are a ton of other romantic comedies out there, Meg Ryan almost deserves her own category, but these are the ones I return to most frequently. So what movies do you turn to when you want to escape?

One Drop Too Many

2011-04-11T20:08:00.000-07:00

Yes, this is a phone post.

I love my iPhone. Really, I do. But the thing is, an iPhone without a fully functional display screen is not exactly great. Oh, it works still, but it will flip from regular brightness to super dim spontaneously (so dim you can't read the screen). Gerd's sure it's a loose wire, and all we need to do is find a screwdriver small enough to open up the case.

I took the opportunity to go look at androids. There doesn't appear to be a Sprint store in Boston (maybe they only sell online now?) but I passed a T Mobile store on the way to acupuncture today. Yes, I realize ATT may absorb T Mobile soon, but I'm sure they would have to honor contracts already signed.

As nice as the alternatives are, there's one main problem I still haven't resolved. I LOVE my calendar. My calendar is linked via Mobile Me to my laptop. Anytime I put in an event it's automatically synced to my home calendar, I don't have to plug my phone into my computer, it just works. The alerts that I set up will also alert me, by way of a pop up text box on my computer, that I have something to do.

I'm aware that androids will sync just fine for regular PC users, but I have a Mac. I love my mac, even when I run into difficulties like this. I've been trying to decide if I could live without the easy access to my calendar, but I kind of whine every time I think about giving up a really nice feature.

If I did give up the auto-sync option and get an android, I could avoid ATT and the iPhone glitches. I could get a PC too, therefore making everything more workable from an android point of view. Or, I could get an iPhone 4, which would lock me into ANOTHER 2 years with ATT, and I still wouldn't have an unlocked phone for Europe. I could get a refurbished iPhone 3gs for $20 or a refurbished iPhone 4 for $100 (still stuck with the contract). Also, I'm not so sure about the refurbished bit, especially for the IP4, considering it had a feature called the "death grip" when it first rolled out.

I'm not up for replacing my laptop if I don't absolutely need to. It's almost 4 years old, which is old by laptop years, but it works just fine (knock on wood) and if it breaks I know I can get it fixed for a $250 flat rate. I've been debating fixing it up anyway because it could use a new case, but it would be a waste if something else decided to break after sending it off to be repaired.

So really, I think sticking with the iPhone is probably my best bet right now. The only question is, how greedy am I? Twenty dollars is completely affordable, but an upgrade is sooo tempting. I'd get a flash for my camera! (seems like a little thing, but my phone is seriously about my only camera now). There are so many things I don't like about the iPhone, and ATT, but so far the perks are outweighing the drawbacks. (perks: easy compatibility, I already know how it works, I don't need to purchase any apps again on a new network, and drawbacks: dropped calls, high bill)

I'm so tempted to just live without a cell phone at all. Just let it break and never replace it. BUT, I know the first time I get lost, or miss an appointment, or wish I'd brought a book with me on the subway I'd be cursing myself for giving up on technology.

Inside an OR

2011-04-06T17:39:00.001-07:00

Pretty much all of my experiences with doctors to date have been in a regular doctor's office. I have been to the hospital once, but even there I was put in a private area while waiting for tests. It was a surprise then, when I got to the back side of the IVF place.

It's kind of an open concept. You pass a whole bunch of other women siting in recliners, all garbed in matching hospital gowns and robes, each wearing their required "warm pair of socks", until you get to your plastic covered recliner. There's a curtain separating all the women, so once you're seated, you really can't see anyone, but you can hear all the women speaking with their husbands or partners. I got a bit nervous when I overheard the woman next to me was asking how many eggs she had last time, which was 19....I was told I had only 7 follicles last time I spoke with the nurse.

Somehow I never realized that I would be in a hospital like environment, but it definitely was that. After about an hour of waiting they took me back to the operating room. Now THAT was surreal. Sterile empty room, attending nurses, big machines, operating lamp, surgical tray...It looked a bit like a hospital room from a horror movie. I guess for most operations the patient (victim) is already asleep before being wheeled in. I've got to tell you, it's pretty hard to make yourself sit down on an operating table.

The anesthesiologist was very nice, especially considering how nervous I must have seemed. He told me to think of some version of paradise. I said New Mexico. He said that seemed a bit domestic. I told him I liked the desert. He agreed that it was nice. That's the last thing I remember.

I really wanted to remember waking up. I have no memory of waking up, or of moving from the OR to the recovery room (another plastic covered recliner). I seemed to be (nearly) completely with it as soon as I woke up. The nurse couldn't find my husband, so she commenced to telling me all kinds of important information that I was sure I'd forgot. (fortunately there's a take home brochure). It turns out I had 15 eggs retrieved, way more than I thought (although some will be bigger than others). I'll get a call tomorrow to see how many fertilized. On Saturday they'll put the little guys back where they belong and then hope for the best.

What a strange way to go about having children.

Trigger Shot

2011-04-04T15:35:00.000-07:00

Tonight's the night! Well, sort of. It's the night I take my last shot (ever I hope :). At 8:30 promptly I have to take some drug that does something that allows doctors to remove follicles from my ovaries. 36 hours later they put the fertilized ones back and we hope it works from there. Two weeks of waiting and we find out if the trigger worked. I probably won't post anything if it's good news, so if you don't hear me whine in a couple of weeks, it could be good news, or I could be busy trying to work out my frustration in the garden.

Interesting that it's called a trigger shot I think. Like it's a race. Life in general has felt a bit like a race lately, so it's pretty appropriate. We've got until the end of the week to decide if Gerd wants to keep his position and move to Dallas, or if he wants to be demoted to a developer (probably facing a salary cut) and continue working from home for a while. Dallas isn't really an option, but New Mexico is. The company would let him work 3 days a week in Dallas and fly back to NM and work from home the rest of the week. But, like I said, we have a week to decide if we want to move our entire household in the next month or two.

It's all got me thinking about where we really do want to live with children. We could move anywhere while Gerd's working from home. Why live in the most expensive city when you can live somewhere cheap and earn the same salary? We have good friends in Boston, a church that I love, I finally found a counselor I feel comfortable with...in other words, life is pretty good here. But can we afford it without my salary? With a pay cut? And if IVF doesn't work, can we afford to live here AND adopt? Plus there's the school issue, I mean, Boston public schools are seriously troublesome (but Albuquerque's aren't any better).

We could move to Denver, which is a place both of us could enjoy, but we don't know anyone there (with the exception of some of my SCA acquaintances that I haven't seen in years). We could move to upstate New York to be near my parents, but there really aren't that many jobs that would interest my husband in the long run (plus he seems to hate cities that aren't dense, urban, smog infested areas...you know, heaven forbid everyone has yard on all 4 sides, and with a garage no less).

Or we could stay put and hope that he finds (actually starts looking for) another job. We've got tons of expenses right now, the bathroom, IVF (although this cycle was mostly covered by insurance if it doesn't work we'll have to pay 100% of any future cycles), Gerd's annual German retirement account transfer, fixing the Mini so we can sell it, finally moving his stuff over from Dublin... We can say we'll stay on budget, but it's all a lot right now.

So I'm like the athlete with her feet in the blocks, waiting for the sound of the gun. You try not to stress, instead to free your mind and just run, and to trust that you've done all you could up until this point and remain calm, because you know that you'll actually do better if you relax. But somehow you still notice a bead of sweat dripping down your brow.

Now!? Really????

2011-04-01T15:27:00.001-07:00

We knew this weekend would be a busy one. Gerd moved out of his office yesterday, but we still need to go back for the furniture he's taking for his home office, and for the supplies that will be donated to my school. On top of that we've got a bathroom floor to finish, along with (hopefully) a bathroom flange and vanity installation.

So although I've been looking forward to my Fedco order, I'm not exactly ecstatic that everything came this weekend. We were expecting it NEXT weekend. The weekend that my parents could actually come and bring the rototiller. The weekend after Gerd's office move. The weekend after we finished the bathroom....

Nope. They're here now, like a premature baby. I've got Reliance Seedless Grapes, Polana Raspberries, Western Sandcherry bushes, and Lowbush Blueberry bushes. I was pretty sure there was more on the way, but I'm wondering if I removed the cherries (Sandcherries are supposed to be more like plums). Hmm.

I've not had a lot of luck with dry root plants, so we'll see how it goes. The order was expensive enough that I really need to get it right this time. I'm not sure I will though, the guide tells me that I should avoid planting fruit trees in south facing yards, but that's all I've got. I'm also running into problems with the Ph level of the soil. My new blueberries (thankfully NOT dry root) are supposed to have soil that's a Ph of no higher than 5.6. Mine is around 7.0ish. At least the best I can tell from my novice chemistry kit. I'm really wishing I'd learned more science in high school and college.

So upon my step-father's instructions we're soaking the plants for tomorrow's planting. I figure if I can get up early enough I can get to the garden center and buy supplies (including soil amendments to lower Ph level), come home and plant everything before noon....ha. I'm leaning toward pushing off the furniture retrieval mission until Sunday so that all the house stuff is done first. That should cut down on the mess before bringing new stuff into a construction dust house, right?

Spring Surprises!

2011-03-28T19:02:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I've been trying to cut down on internet/phone time, and since that date I think I've increased my online time instead. BUT...somehow by trying to avoid technology I have been getting other stuff done. Today after work I managed to move a raised bed, go to Home Depot (again), cook dinner, and write a long letter to Stammtisch about upcoming event ideas (without spending hours distracted surfing the web). All in all, a pretty productive day!

The highlight of the day was definitely working in the garden. It's so nice to be able to go outside and not see snow! While outside I discovered some spring surprises. First, I discovered that a plant I assumed was dead last winter actually grew despite the snow. I have a neglected Brussels Sprouts plant! Okay, I don't anymore because it looked like it was done in, but it DID have a handful of harvestable sprouts!!! YUM!!!

Grandpa's garlic is starting to pop through the soil so I spent a little time fending off the grass. Since carrots were in the same bed I came up with a few leftovers. Last week I found bigger examples, but we ate them before pictures were taken (they were crisp and wonderful!).

Of course the hunt for live plants was on from there. I discovered the Rhubarb was starting to sprout, and one leftover scallion is growing. In one of the pots I discovered some kind of bulb growing, but I have no idea what kind of plant it is, or even if it's edible or not. One of the flowers in my decorative section is starting to show a little color, but I also don't know what it is!

Not The Way It Goes

2011-03-26T14:07:00.000-07:00

I was going to get up this morning (early) and start blasting some cleaning music. The house desperately (and I do mean desperately) needs to be cleaned. Like, cleaned after some major construction work cleaned.

I even downloaded some of the music from my childhood to help motivate me. I don't know what other people listened to when they were going up, by my household was entirely contemporary Christian. I had Evie, and Amy Grant, Twila Paris, and Joni Earikson Tada (who I was surprised to find had recently battled breast cancer). This collection of songs might sound like odd choice of accompaniment to cleaning for some, but whenever cleaning day came around (less frequently than it probably should have) the music went on high and we would dust, vacuum, sweep, mop, scour, and tidy until the house was once again spotless.

It was while searching for all this old music that I finally remembered what I read growing up. One of my friends and I were talking about young adult literature, and how I hadn't read Roal Dahl growing up, or many other well known YA authors either. I knew I'd read a lot growing up, but I couldn't remember what. Now I do. I read Christian contemporary authors. Jeanette Oak, the Mandy Series (boy did I love those books!), I read Ruth, and Easter (the fictional stories), and I did read some non-Christian literature like James Michner Books, Alaska and Texas. I also read Clan of the Cave Bear, Madeline L'Engle, and CS Lewis's The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (which could count as Christian).

I typically wanted my books thick and my characters interesting. I didn't really turn away from Christian fiction until I read one bad book, still can't remember the name, in which God gave up on someone. I put the book down, half unread and never picked up another Christian book again. I did something similar with Danielle Steele a while later, she described, in detail, an abortion. I read a part, then put down the book unfinished and never read another book of hers again. Weird.

But none of this helps with the cleaning, or the cooking (which is actually way more important). I want to cook for the week and I haven't even made it to the store yet. I slept 12 hours last night and then later took another 3 hour nap (who knows if I'll sleep at all tonight). Either this is the medicine or I just really, really needed to catch up on sleep. Since I haven't been sleeping well for a while, I'm hoping this is just a one shot deal, and that tomorrow I'll wake up ready for vigorous activity.

Rashing on Teachers

2011-03-24T19:14:00.000-07:00

Naturally, as a teacher, I'm not completely immune to the current atmosphere surrounding education. There seems to be a movement, if I can call it that, that tends to believe that the problem with today's schools is most likely to do with a failure of the teachers. Test scores, it is said, will demonstrate effective teachers and ineffective ones. The corporate world operates with goals and benchmarks, so why then can't education?

Well, let me tell you.

First of all, we need to look at schools that function. Yes, some of those schools are in the United States. Some are public, some are private, and some are charter (the miracle drug for the "union problem"). Regardless of WHERE these schools are, if they're effective, you have a community that supports, respects, and believes in the teachers, administrators, and staff of each effective school.

Do new teachers exist in these schools? Sometimes. Are all teachers at their absolute best everyday? No, even experienced teachers have rough days. But in these schools we have support for newer, or struggling teachers, and faith in administrators to educate, mentor, and otherwise lift up all stakeholders in the school. In the best schools in the world you will find a supportive system for teachers and students alike.

Now the common viewpoint on public schools is that a) they're union, and therefore bad teachers can't be fired, b) better teachers leave for better schools so the schools that need the most work have the least effective teachers, and c) if we had more effective teachers in poor schools we would see student's test scores rise.

A) Teachers can be fired. In New Mexico there are schools where the union is pretty strong (perhaps stronger than it should be) but even there, bad teachers CAN get fired with proper documentation. Somehow, however, in NM bad teachers drift from one school district to another. How is it that administrators hire someone who isn't an effective teacher? THAT is a practice that needs to be looked into.

You know, before moving to Massachusetts, where teachers seem to be a dime a dozen (for my long term sub job I was chosen from 300 applicants), I'd never demo taught a lesson before being hired before. As horrible as the experience of demo teaching was for me, I think it's a valuable exercise (you have to put A LOT of effort in to get hired around here). It gives an administrator an idea of what kind of teacher you can be. Perhaps we shouldn't focus on firing people, but on making sure that we're hiring people who really are the best fit for the school?

B) The only reason better teachers leave bad schools is because bad schools are typically overrun with unresolved socioeconomic problems. It is literally exhausting going to work on a daily basis, and in addition to teaching curriculum, you have to deal with students recovering from drive by shootings, rape, teen pregnancy, homelessness, abuse...well, you get the idea. We are not counselors. In most schools these students have a social worker who is supposed to help students through the worst things in their lives, but in reality the teacher gets the brunt end of all the stuff that's going on in their students lives (not in terms of opening up usually, but in bad moods, withdrawn moods, etc.). IF by some miracle, we could really help students who need help, we might see a more effective classroom. If we had better classes, we'd have teachers stick to poor classrooms. It's not like teachers go into teaching for money, power or fame. They get involved because they're helpers (if you think it's for the summers off, many teachers end up getting a part time job in the summer to support themselves).

C) Test scores are a reflection of curriculum. The richer the curriculum, the more critical thinking skills a student will have, and the better they will perform. Analyzing test scores is a tool, not an answer to our problems. If you want a good education you offer deep, meaningful instruction. The more we focus on tests, the less we focus on teaching. The less we focus on teaching the worse off we will actually be. The corporate world takes managers and gives them benchmarks. They say to the manager that his or her employees must produce so much work by a certain time and they're rewarded when their goals are met. Their employees are already trained and can be fired if they don't perform. Students are not trained, they are being trained, and they are legally required to stay in school. The system does NOT work for schools.

In districts where there is poverty, schools are not going to get better until society is fixed.

As a GED teacher I get the students who were unable to get through the current system, and I ask myself what could have worked differently in their favor. Would a better teacher have made a difference? On average, my high school drop-outs left school around 10th grade (usually after having a child or being kicked out of their house). They have a reading level of approximately a 4th or 5th grader, although some students score 8th grade or higher, and math skills anywhere between 3rd grade and 8th grade. In my, not so professional opinion, there's not much a different teacher could have done for them. They need smaller classes, more attention, and an extreme amount of support. They simply were not in a (mental) place where they could learn before, and there was no place they could go to be removed from the class to make it a better place for other students to learn.

So, here's my platform. My reform movement so to speak.

1) Create a community in which learners have the social, emotional, and educational support necessary for them to focus on school instead of outside pressures.
2) Hire good teachers and then revere them. In some countries being a teacher is one of the most respected positions a person can hold. Support teachers who need help, they're not much different from their students and will improve if given the right opportunities.
3) Focus on rich curriculum, not on tests. Not only will this allow bright students to excel, it will draw on a student's natural instinct to learn.
4) Figure out, as a society, what we want for students who aren't going to go into white collar jobs. Since we've shipped away so many manufacturing jobs we've got a whole bunch of people, in and out of school that we don't know what to do with.
5) Feed students real food. Seriously, have you seen what kids are eating these days? Even the official school food is mostly filler with very little whole grain and is so processed there's not much nutrition left. Sure it'd be great if parents would feed their children well, but remember, the students who need schools to provide food are the ones sending their kids to school with a sticky bun and mountain dew as breakfast (so the sugar wears off right around math class).

The DO NOT list includes:

1) Don't destroy (or avoid) unions. Teachers don't make that much and they need to feel secure in their jobs to take the risk to grow and improve. If they don't have secured benefits, they do have other choices in careers.
2) Don't blame teachers for society's ills. It is not the teacher's fault that some student's don't want, or can't learn. The brain simply can't function as well when it is stressed. Students are stressed, and not learning. When teachers are stressed, they also will not learn.
3) Don't make a teacher's day longer. If you want to add sports or art or whatever else needs to be added to a student's day, great! Do so! But don't add it to the responsibilities of the teacher. The teacher needs to teach and plan, and they'll do their best when given enough time and space to do so. In fact, I think every student should have 2 hours of extracurricular stuff built in during the day, but taught by someone other than the regular ed teacher. (I call it the boarding school model because that's how fancy schools do it).

Okay, that's my soapbox. It's probably similar to every other post I've written on education, but I just had to get that off of my chest.

Shots

2011-03-23T17:43:00.000-07:00

So far I think I've done a pretty good job being as normal as I could, considering the daily dose of hormones I've been taking. Today was not the best day though.

When we started out doing the bathroom we just wanted to get the basics done. I wanted the pipes repaired or replaced, and moved. The electricity was already done, but we needed the plugs put in and a switch for the light over the vanity. We also wanted the floor leveled. The idea was that with a few things done, we could pretty much do the rest by ourselves.

Problem? Of course. We really love the carpenter we hired. He's done work for us in the past, and at this point it's almost like he's a part of the family. The plumber however. The plumber is NOT someone we would ever, EVER recommend.

Still, I think it was hormones, not PTSD, not normal PMS, or even just a moody day, that caused me to loose it when we realized the plumber had made a serious mistake when moving one of the pipes.

Can the problem be corrected, sure. Without undoing a wall of tile, no.

I'm still pretty sure I should have been kinder, or at least less loud. I'm blaming it on the shots. Trouble is, they're only going to get worse. Starting Saturday I start doubling my medicine.

Lenten Home Renovation

2011-03-21T18:54:00.000-07:00

My Lenten sacrifice was supposed to be spending. I figured if people around the country could have a no-buy month, I could do the same for Lent, right?

Well, except that I already had a vacation scheduled for March, and the fact that we're putting in a bathroom.

No-buy for me wouldn't be a huge problem if it wasn't for food. We eat out way more that we should. Up until vacation (like, a whole week) I managed to make meals only from what we had in the kitchen already. I also had dinner figured out for today (I was thawing the homemade soup I'd put in the freezer a few weeks ago) but got derailed by a lack of white flour. I have a "no-fail" bread recipe that is perfect, but only if you use regular flour. Soup without bread is like peanut butter without jelly. But did I just go buy some bread? No, we ordered pizza because both of us were starving and Gerd wanted to get started on the bathroom tiles.

He's in there now, mortaring away. Since he's a perfectionist it's taking a while, but I know it will come out great. I've got my own bathroom assignment. The pull on our master bath has stopped switching from bath to shower, so I decided to fix it. After an expensive trip to Home Depot (more stuff purchased for the new bathroom too), I had everything I needed to fix our bath. Gerd did have to use brute strength to pull off the first bath attachment, but I did manage to replace the bath nozzle myself.

Finally I got to take a good long shower after my trip. It was beautiful and warm, and way too short. I'm not sure my friend that I drug along with me had a perfect time, but I pretty much did. And I didn't have to be around as Gerd began learning how to lay tile. (When I returned he said to me, "I didn't realize how messy putting down tile would be"..Hah!)

So now that I know a no-spending lent has been less than ideal, I'm trying to figure out another way to enrich my life over the next few weeks. Next year I think I'll give up technology (cell phone, computer, TV, heck, maybe even the mixer) but that doesn't help me now. I need something that would be meaningful for two weeks. Any ideas?

Ca Va? Ca Va

2011-03-08T19:31:00.000-08:00

Sometimes marriage is a pain (I mean that in the most loving of ways) and other times it's a life saver. Marrying late in life (okay I'm not ancient, but mid 30's is not exactly early either) I've become used to fending for myself, and never needing to think about a second person's concerns. So marriage makes life harder sometimes, BUT sometimes it makes life so much easier.

Like today, the work day from hell. Real food sounded great for dinner but so did crashing on the couch. (By real food I mean something I know where it came from, and has been cooked from the original source of food.) My husband came home, saw the browbeaten expression on my face, and fixed dinner. Pork chops from a local farm and potatoes from our box of Boston Organics. He even did the dishes (although that was actually a broken rule...he who cooks must not do the dishes). Without my husband I probably would have ended up eating ramen noodles or a bowl of cereal before crawling into bed for the night.

Thank goodness for husbands.

Sometimes a Run Is JUST What I Need

2011-03-07T16:21:00.000-08:00

Somehow I don't seem to be able to do things at a normal pace. Life is either ON or OFF. Right now it's ON at full speed.

The bathroom is coming along pretty quickly, although my husband is grumpy, which makes me grumpy. He wanted to do the tile work around the bath, AFTER tiling the floor (so he could practice). The problem? Our toilet is sitting in the hallway, our vanity is laid out in the basement, and we have a bathroom full of tools. Oh, and Gerd's taking off for the Ukraine, which means he can't even start on the floor until April...IF he can get it started, and finished, before his trip to Europe for Easter. Our contractor wants to build the shower enclosure and needs to have an idea of how high to build the wall, so the tile has to be done now, if we want the construction of the bathroom to finish soon, and our house to go back to looking normal.

We can't do much about the Ukraine trip, except perhaps reschedule it, but the Ukraine part of his job is what's keeping his job alive in the company. He could do it later, along with the other Europe trip, but that would make him gone for 3 straight weeks while I go through hormone treatment alone, transfer alone, and find out the results of said treatment...alone. So we can't really win. If we wait until May or June for treatment we run into other plans, and Gerd will still be required to go back and forth to the Ukraine until he finds another job. Is he looking yet, no.

My work day wasn't much better today. Between having to redo my lesson plans 15 minutes before the school day (since the computer lab was down) and the counselor being away (in Hong Kong) for a week, it wasn't much of a Monday. Add to that a call from the pharmacy that said our medicine would be $2500 if we couldn't clear it through our insurance (we did, but it required a different billing code and a transfer to another pharmacy).

So a run to reduce stress was just about the best way I could spend my afternoon. Now I'm off to look up paneling for the bathroom, a storage shed for the backyard, and an arbor for the grapes that will now get here while Gerd is gone.

Welcome Millie

2011-03-06T16:11:00.000-08:00

My cousin and his wife have welcomed their first child to the world yesterday. I found out a little late since my mom *forgot* to tell me, but I managed to call both cousin and wife and offer congratulations soon enough that I didn't appear uninterested in their lives. I really want them to know how happy I am for them, and for them to be able to share openly all of their baby joy.

Babies are a bittersweet topic for me right now. Of course I'm thrilled for anyone having a child (even my unprepared teenage students) but also want a baby of my own so badly that it hurts. I start hormone shots next week and I'm pretty excited about the possibility of it actually working this time. Still, I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high.

In the mean time I'm trying to keep my mind off of children. In the end I really don't have any control over what happens, so I might as well not think about it. I'd rather focus on finishing our bathroom and building the laundry room, and getting ready for my garden. Have I mentioned that I've ordered grape vines and peach and cherry bushes, and even a plum tree? Fedco should send them in less than a month.

First Car Service

2011-03-03T18:37:00.001-08:00

I've been told my car needs to be serviced every 5000 miles or every 6 months. It used to be 3ooo, so it feels a bit uncomfortable for me to wait that long. I'm kind of glad I reached the 6 month mark while still in the 3000 mile range, not only because it feels better to get my car serviced with fewer miles, but also because it means I'm meeting my self imposed 7000 mile annual limit. Since I live only 3 miles away from where I work, technically I should only need to drive 30 miles a week, which would put me far below 2000 miles a year, but we use my car all the time. It's small enough that we can usually find a small parking spot, even when people are double parked along our street. It's in a Yaris spot now, as a matter of fact.

In order to get my car serviced, I'm going to need to remaster the public transportation system. I don't trust the Boston Toyota dealer after some shady dealing with them earlier, so I'm headed out to Danvers where I ended up buying my car. I know tons of people who say you shouldn't use the dealership service department because it's a waste of money, but I like keeping my car records all together if I can. The only problem is getting there, and getting to work.

So tomorrow I'll get up at 6am so I can make it there by 7am and be dropped off at the commuter rail station. From the commuter rail I'll take the subway to a bus station, and then take a bus to work, arriving around 9am. All in all it will take me 2 1/2 hours to get to work tomorrow. Leaving work it'll be longer, because I'll get stuck in rush hour traffic returning from the dealership. Living in the city isn't easy at times, and I frequently find that I need to get out of the city to get the kind of service, or attention, that I like.

Can you tell that I love my Toyota? Or perhaps that I'm displaying a lot of faith in the Danvers dealership? Or maybe that I'm not much of a city girl after all?

The Future of Food Review

2011-03-02T20:32:00.000-08:00

I love a good documentary, but I'm also easily disappointed by a mediocre one. After watching The Future of Food, I'm still ruminating. Was is good, mediocre, bad? Somehow, despite some key points made for the food movement, something fell flat. The key points made about the states' agriculture system included genetically modified foods and their dangers, and how corporations have bought out our government.

I think the problem with the movie isn't necessarily the facts, but the very narrow focus on genetically modified foods. According to the movie only 25% of food is genetically modified in the states, but our problems are MUCH bigger than that. Food, Inc. did a much better job discussing problems with regulation of all farms, including large farms that don't use GMA seed.

But I think it's an important movie to see, if only for the clear explanation of how foods can be genetically altered. Still, it's not the first food documentary to see. I'd still recommend Food, Inc. and then possibly King Corn if you want a clear picture of the problems with agriculture in America. Dirt, the Movie, while not wholly focused on food is another must see. All four can be viewed via Netflix in their Watch Instantly section. If you have a smart phone the Netflix app will stream Watch Instantly films on the 3G network if you don't mind a little screen (which I don't) and even save your spot if you watch in 10 minute increments (which I tend to do).

However you get your hands on these documentaries, they're bound to make you think about your dinner. It's just what I needed to give myself a kick in the butt to plan out my meals better. When I don't plan ahead we end up either eating out or eating some quick processed food that's easy to make, but of unknown origin. I always knew I wanted to know my food a little better, but sometimes it takes a documentary to remind me why.

Baking Bread

2011-03-01T13:33:00.001-08:00

Its been a while since I baked bread. We killed our (second) sourdough starter over Christmas and haven't tried to make a starter since. I think my regular dry yeast has gone bad because my one and only attempt to bake since Christmas was a failure. A huge failure really because I used regular old white flour.

I bought into a grain share, and would like to justify doing the same for next year, but I haven't been using my grain. I'm about to try again, but I've had very little success with home ground flour. Ideally I'd use home ground flour for a sourdough loaf, but I'm open to yeast. After all, what's the benefit of finding out I'm not intolerant to gluten and then never eating gluten?

So I'm scouring the internet for a recipe that will work with thicker flour, that DOESN'T involve mixing 10 different types of flour. I do have xanthum gum, but I'm hoping for something that doesn't need additional thickening agents. So if you know a recipe for stone ground (or just home ground, ie thick) flour I'd love to hear it.

Wet Cats

2011-02-28T19:30:00.000-08:00

We're having a little work done. I'm sick of the bathroom being undone and I'm tired of waiting for contractors to give us a quote, so it's back to Artur. We love Artur, although he consistently underbids his work. We've asked him to come in and redo our bathroom floor and have a plumber fix the broken drain pipe and move the pipes for the bathtub. Once the floor is level and has a concrete board subfloor, Gerd says he wants to do the tile himself.

I'm not going to argue with my husband. I'm sure he can figure out how to rent a wetsaw, and once he has one, he can figure out how to make the most precise cuts. I'm just hoping I'm not going to be around when he does it.

In any case, by the end of the week (ish) we should have a somewhat functional bathroom that will still need a lot of work, but at least we'll be able to use the commode without a) black water seeping into the basement and b) the toilet rocking itself off of the pipe.

But the title of this post is Wet Cats for a reason. While Artur was tearing out our subfloor the cats, freaked out, took cover. Unfortunately, the best cover was in the form of the exposed walls. It was fairly easy to find Kiwi, the smallest (and least intelligent of the cats). She's the bravest, and came out as soon as I got home from work. Usually she has a white belly. Not so much anymore, really pretty gray when you look at it.

Aristotle was hidden between the heating ducts in the basement. He came out when I opened a can of wet cat food. He's all gray anyway, but the dust kind of poofed off of him when he shook his booty.

Confucius is the smartest of the cats, and also the mastermind of all sneaky hiding places. We figured he'd found some clever spot in the basement so we closed the bathroom door and went to Home Depot to look at tile. When we came back he was crying to be let out of the bathroom. Keep in mind that we'd searched the bathroom before leaving. He's usually part white too.

I left on a heavy fleece, because I've washed cats before, and I know they have a tendency to crawl up your body. The fleece was a pretty good claw guard. The cats are now drenched, but their whites are now white, or at least closer to white than before a bath. The kitchen is covered in cat hair and water, and we went through a few towels, but the cats have forgiven me.

They're locked up for the night. We don't know how they managed to get into the walls, but we're not risking it again. For now they're stuck in the spare bedroom with food, water, and a litter box. I have a feeling the next week won't the best week for the feline members of this family.

Homebody

2011-02-27T16:36:00.001-08:00

I know there are people out there who like cleaning. My step-father, for one, is someone who, when given free time, willingly and joyfully finds something to tidy.

I am not so lucky. Years ago my mother told me I need to learn to like cleaning and I scoffed. I clean because I'd rather clean than live in a pigsty...but LIKE IT? !

But I have to admit it, I'm beginning to develop a sense of satisfaction when I manage to clean something. Now, that might not be huge for anyone else, but considering my long, deep-seated whacked emotional connection to cleaning, it's a start.

ALL of my clothes have been put away! The kitchen is clean. The bathroom is clean. I'm not so energetic that I'm willing to start cleaning the rest of the house, but I did manage to think of food too. I've cooked dinner and a cake, and some custard. I have leftovers for lunch tomorrow.

So where did the change come about? For once I'm not exhausted. I've been a homebody all weekend, and because I was sick all last week I've been making sure I've been getting enough sleep. It turns out I like 10 hours of sleep a night, at least while I'm getting over a chest cold.

So maybe the ticket to a happy home is spending more time in it. Well, that and put away the computer. Or perhaps all this energy has come from my body's gratitude to still be alive after nearly hacking up a lung. Whatever it is, I think I like being a homebody once in a while.

Edumacated...

2011-02-25T14:16:00.000-08:00

The only good thing about being sick this past week has been February vacation. Thank goodness I didn't have any students. Other than progress reports, a cleaned out closet, and a vacuumed floor, I don't have much to show for the time without students, but it's way, WAY better than if I were trying to teach, collect papers, record grades, etc.

So it's fitting that on the last day of vacation I'm starting to feel better. I was so much better in fact that I joined in the book discussion with the teachers of the OTHER teaching program in our building. We've been reading "The Death and Life of the Great American School System" by Diane Ravitch. It's a policy intense book, which makes it hard to get through, but brings up some very important points about education reform in the states and our focus on testing as a teaching method.

An hour into our discussion and I started to wonder, as a nation, are we completely screwed? We definitely didn't stick with the Socratic method of discussion and the topics veered from Ravitch's assessment of education to the reasons that all of the problems with education were allowed to continue. We're a non-profit group dedicated to educating the traditionally undereducated population of the states.

So here are a few of our discussion points:

- There is no longer a job for everyone who wants to work, regardless of education level. The country doesn't actually *need* to educate everyone because some people will not get jobs. If people don't get jobs they will either live off of welfare or go to prison.

- Prisons are big business, and number of beds are calculated based on reading levels in 3rd grade. Prisons get an average of $35,000 a year for each prisoner. While that amount of money could have been spent in prevention and on education, the prison system is too profitable to get cut back. Investors make fortunes off of prison speculation.

- Without a manufacturing and agricultural base we are only concerned with college bound education. Not all students are destined to go to college and we are consistently loosing more middle class, lower class jobs. The divide between the educated and the non-educated is growing despite efforts to reform schools.

- We've shifted the focus of reform from student accountability to teacher accountability. Teachers are now being held responsible for how well a student is able to learn without taking into effect the student's home life, or current emotional state. The incentive for a student to learn, when that student is looking at a lack of jobs, is less than the incentive for teachers to teach. There has been an increase in teachers cheating for their students because of the pressure put on teachers to bring up test scores.

- We wondered where the missing money was. There are all kinds of cuts to programs, classroom sizes aren't getting smaller, schools are closing. Students aren't getting everything that they could at an expensive private school. However, the FTE (funding for each student) is something like $7,000 per student per year. While that's not quite the price of a private school, it's a significant amount of money. For a classroom of 25 (the limit in MA) the school should get 175,000. Seriously, we can't make a classroom work for less?

So basically, it was a pretty bleak discussion. And once again I say, wanna fix schools? Fix society first.

Can We Have a Do-Over?

2011-02-23T15:47:00.001-08:00

One of my "resolutions", if I can call it that, is to try to stay more cheerful. My mother and husband keep telling me I'm negative, and even though I don't think I am, I figured I should try to change their impression of me. I personally think I just have a twisted sense of humor.

In any case, 2011 hasn't exactly been an easy year to keep that resolution. If you have Facebook you've already seen that one of my friends was diagnosed with terminal cancer and that Gerd's job is about to evaporate. I didn't get a job I'd hoped to get, and we still haven't made much progress on our house. My cousin is welcoming his first child next month, and after 2 years of infertility we've got our first real IVF appointment next week. I really hope I'm feeling better by then, I have a nasty chest cold. Right, and lets add a little highway ice drama to the mix. I'm fine, but a 360 in front of oncoming traffic is a bit much for the PTSD laden self that I am. And on that note, it seems rare that I manage to sleep through the night anymore.

Now, I don't think I'm being negative in mentioning this at all, it's all factual. There is certainly good new mixed in there as well, and I don't feel obligated to balance the scale, but it is worth mentioning a few things. My friend has been seeking treatment at an Issels treatment center and says they're hoping to cure her. I still have a job, Gerd thinks he's got a while to find a job. I survived another potential car crash (seriously, what life am I on anyway?).

But honestly, is it really any wonder that I'm sick? Despite all the acupuncture, it's clear that I'm stressed. Now that the sun is out again, perhaps I can get myself to start exercising again. Have I mentioned yet how miserable the weather has been this winter? I basically hibernated. I suppose everyone has stressful times in their lives, but it just feels so overwhelming.

So right now school is out for February Vacation (whoever heard of February Vacation?) and I'm grateful. I might not be healthy yet, but I'm hoping that a few days without students and I get hit the reset button. It's not that I want to be "negative" it's just that life has felt a little harder than normal lately. But after this week I'm calling a do-over. I don't want to jinx it, but next month is going to be better, right?

Winter

2011-02-01T02:04:00.000-08:00

I was going to post pictures, but since I need to charge my iPhone (that has all of my pictures on it) it'll need to wait for later. I'm up and insomniatic for the night (day 2 no sleep!) so I might as well post something.

We've had 4 snow days so far, although only one of those days meant I didn't have to go to work. Non-profits don't have snow days, students have snow days. I did a miraculous job cleaning out my pantry on the day I had off. Really, it looked (and continues to look) amazing. I've added another Ikea kitchen item to make the kitchen more user friendly, a long counter with storage space underneath. Now I can move all of my kitchen doo dads and pots and pans out of the food storage area and actually put food in the pantry! It's great. I have pictures and everything, maybe I'll actually put them up sometime.

Parking during winter has been better than any other time in Southie. Funny that I thought the cone space savers would be an irritation. Nope, only once did someone move our cone, and that was after enough spots had cleared out that we could still find a place to park. They were allowed, it was after 48 hours (but only by something like 5 hours), but it's pretty much not done here. I've seen people put space savers out since the first snow storm, nobody bothers them. That means I know I'm coming home to a parking spot! Of course I don't drive sometimes because I want to make sure I've got a spot before the next storm. We're supposed to get 21 inches tomorrow and there's no way I'm moving my car before it's over. Driving in Boston in snow is terrible anyway, I'd rather take the hour bus commute. I can read a book.

My iPhone is working again! I dropped it in the toilet and wasn't sure it would ever function again. I'm so happy I don't have to shell out more money for a new phone. I might slightly covet the new iPhone 4g, but I'm soooo close to being done with a contract with AT&T, I don't want to end up with another 2 years with them. I've debated an android, but I'm not sure how that would work with mobile me or how I could sync my calendars.

In order of usefulness, the functions my phone has that I've come to rely on are

1) GPS, I can figure out where I am, and what bus to take, beautiful,
2) Calendar, I know when I'm supposed to do what, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, I get alarms, messages on my computer, and can see my calendar from anywhere,
3) Camera, it might be a crummy camera, but I find myself taking all kinds of pictures, because I just happen to have a camera on me, and I can email it straight to my computer, totally phenomenal, and
4) Internet access so I can look up phone numbers, addresses, and anything else that I need or want, right then!
5) Phone, oh right, that's it's main function, right? I could almost go to an iTouch, get a mini microphone and be done with phone plans, but I'm not too sure about that, besides which an iTouch is just as expensive as an iPhone, and I'd still want a data plan.
6) Kindle. I don't need to carry around a book on the bus, I already have one. People ask if it's too small to read, and I say truthfully, no. It's fine, same sized letters you'd find on a book, you just have to change pages more often. It's a flip of the finger, and I don't need to carry anything extra with me. Never thought I'd like electronic books, but I love it.

That being said, after my phone crashing I re-remembered (this is not a new concern) how completely addicted I am to technology. Seriously, I probably should just get rid of the phone and the computer so I spend more time doing things I really want to do, like bake or sew or work on the house. The thing is, even when I do turn off the tec, I come home not really feeling like doing a whole lot other than relaxing. Relaxing? Perhaps I mean vegetating.

This weekend was the first productive weekend I've had in a while. I did laundry, and more laundry, and more laundry. I still have 2 more loads to go (more towels and a load of sheets). I feel like I've washed every article of clothing I own, and my husbands. I cleaned out the refrigerator (wow did it need it). I pulled the carpet off of the stairs (it was hideous). I sorted and filed 6 months of bills and other mail. And I started picking out new colors for the entryway (gray. I want a nice gray color, and I need to strip the knoll post and railing, and stair treads).

Okay, I've bored even myself with this post, but there you have it. That's pretty much why I haven't been posting, because life is pretty boring right now. Every time I think of going to choir, it snows and choir is canceled. I'm caught up with school work for the first time because we haven't had a full week of school since we got back from Christmas break. There's just not much to say, everything is dormant. I can't wait for spring, even if it means rain. I think it's time for a trip to somewhere warm.

A Whole Lot of Snow

2011-01-11T13:56:00.001-08:00

It's not here yet, but the sky is getting darker and darker (and not just because it's getting later). Some reports say 12 inches, some say 18, some say 24 inches, but they all say snow. I am NOT moving my car. Hopefully we get a snow day tomorrow, as non-profit workers we don't get days off like the students do. If it's a state emergency and government offices close, then we close. The students are off if the public schools close (and they seem to close if it even thinks about snowing).

So remember my resolutions? Right. One of them was about being better prepared. Our pantry isn't usually exactly stocked, and a whole lot of snow could be a problem if it caused a week of stores being shut down or something extreme like that. Fortunately for me this time around we're pretty well off right now. I've got meat in the freezer, jars and jars of whole grains, pickles, apple sauce, and jelly, and I got my box of veggies and fruits today. If the electricity goes we've got a gas grill, and if we lack water we can always warm up the snow...or maybe I'll just put some in a few jugs just in case.

BUT. If this was a long term problem, how long would my food last me? How many days of emergency rations should I have? I found one site that says 3 days. Another says 7-14 days. A blog I follow says 3 months, and the Mormon guidelines are 1 year. They've actually got a pretty cool calculator online that will tell you in pounds how much you need of everything (only thing is, I'm not sure what I'd make with the ingredients listed...).

So I vote for over-prepared, but not obsessive. For me, for now, that's 3 months. If I need food for a time period longer than 3 months I'd better get the h@ll out of Boston and figure out how to grow my own food.

Here's my initial plan on food:

Enough stuff to make bread once a week for 3 months
4 dozen frozen eggs (whip together than freeze in ice cube trays, pop them out and put in ziplock bags, each cube is an egg)
Stuff to make noodles
Enough meat to have one meat dish a week (24 individual servings?, maybe too much!?)
Emergency back up milk (H milk in Germany)
Yogurt starter! (to use with H milk to continue to make yogurt :)
Canned spaghetti sauce, vegetables, broth, beans, soup, etc. (ideally home canned)
Oatmeal, rice, potatoes, lentils/beans, whole grains
Frozen vegetables
Dried fruits/nuts (no walnuts!) for snacking
Frequently used spices (powdered or frozen)
Oil

Okay, probably incomplete or unrealistic, but it's a start, especially for someone who goes grocery shopping every other day because there's nothing in the kitchen to eat...

What are your thoughts on emergency food stocks?

40, with 3 months to live.

2011-01-09T09:31:00.000-08:00

Sometimes perspective comes with bad, bad news.

My friend Bettina, who has battled breast cancer for 3 years, found out her cancer has metastasized and spread to her lungs. She turned 40 last summer and won't make it to her 41st birthday.

She's still trying to fight. In a few weeks she'll head out to California to try an experimental medicine program, and perhaps it'll work. Somehow though, I think it's probably the end of the line. That sucks. Bettina is such a vibrant character it's hard to imagine her helpless at all. She's strong, and fearless, and she shouldn't have to go through this.

She shouldn't have to die like this. Not this young.

And unless something goes wrong with my health, I've got a lifetime. Why, when life can be cut so short, am I not using every minute to be thankful for what I have? I should be thankful for even the unhappiest places in my heart because it's all a part of life, and of living.

I can only hope that whatever life there is after death is so much better a ride. I'm not sure what heaven holds, but if it's going to be better than earth it's got to be pretty spectacular. I can't imagine beauty greater than our creation, happiness greater than loving our friends and family, or purpose more than seeking to live well. But it's got to be more. For Bettina, and for everyone else who dies, it has to be more than what we have here if it's going to be heaven.

But I still don't want her to go. Not yet anyway. I want her to live.

Survival

2011-01-06T19:16:00.000-08:00

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm a little concerned about all of these dead birds, dead fish, dead other animals that have been piling up. Okay, so it's probably not the end of their species...yet, but it's strange nevertheless.

Somewhere along the line I read an online newspaper comment that redirected me to a website run by a survivalist.

Now, I'd like to be as prepared as possible for chaos, but some of these blogs out there are just as disturbing as the birds falling out of the sky. One woman, whose blog I've lost or I'd post a link, is a single mother who appears obsessed with being prepared for the endtimes. I mean, it's not good enough to have stockpiles of food (you won't be able to cook it) or to garden (people will see you outside). She's now growing her food indoors and has tips for keeping your windows concealed enough that mutinous anarchists won't be able to see in, but the plants will get enough light to produce food.

Usually I say whatever interests you, whatever. Right? I used to dress up in medieval clothing and go camping in the summer. That's odd too.

But seriously, is it healthy to live in that kind of fear? To impose that amount of fear on a child?

Now, I don't know this woman, so perhaps she's managed to seem more upbeat and hopeful with her daughter, but I'm seriously doubting it. And I could be completely wrong to be concerned, considering if her worst fears come true I'll be the one who won't survive.

I don't disagree in general with the concept of being prepared (in fact, I'd like to have more emergency rations myself). But am I preparing a years worth of homemade MREs like this woman? No. I'm more hopeful that if something drastic DOES happen we as community members will somehow be able to organize together to ensure our survival. Just working on a farm for a short time and I already know it's no joke to be able to grow your own food. Seriously, if food supply lines died you're really want some help.

I think people in general completely underestimate the time and effort involved in being self sufficient. In general I'd say the Mormons with their stockpiled food and community membership would probably do the best if something went wrong. They, as a community, could be self sufficient. But look at Jamestown and Plymouth. The original colonists came and settled down, and most weren't really used to farming (especially in Jamestown). Tons of people died because they underestimated how difficult it is to rely on the earth (and they started their growing season a bit too late, but that's life for you).

So I've got to wonder, what is a healthy level of concern for survival? We are in the midst of global climate change, and we're past peak oil, and we live in politically unstable times, and we have very little agricultural or manufacturing communities around us. So how much should a person be concerned?

On one hand, live in the moment. On the other hand there's the story of the cricket who didn't put away food for winter (but the ant did, or was it the other way around?).

I think I'm pretty much beyond hoping to save humanity. We either will, or will not survive a change of atmosphere. What I'm not done thinking about, however, is how we as humans can return to a more harmonious relationship with the earth while retaining the comforts of life as we know it. Seriously, indoor heating (best thing ever).

But I feel like a nut even talking like that. Maybe not as much of a nut as this other lady who gave up her house, moved 1000 miles to buy a house with cash so she could establish a safehouse for the end times. But still a bit of a nut, and I can guarantee you that my husband (who doesn't have the desire to plan a month ahead of time) would not be interested in too much radical preparation.

So how do you feel about the way of the world? What do you think are realistic steps to prepare for the future (which by all accounts will at least be somewhat different than the world we live in today?) Are you and ant or a grasshopper? I'm not sure what I am. Maybe a locust?

Resolutions

2011-01-03T17:26:00.000-08:00

I don't always write resolutions, but there are a few things I really hope to accomplish this year, so I may as well put them down.

1) Exercise. I'm not just talking yoga, which is much more mind body spirit than it is physical improvement. I want to get back into something that keeps me fit. I don't really want to loose weight (okay, maybe 5 pounds) but I want to feel stronger.

2) Professional Development. I know how to create great lesson plans, so I need to start designing better plans. I'm not going to say I'd given up on planning, but its been a challenge at my job, so I need to pull out the big guns. I want to read more professional literature, and that may include a teacher's book club. In addition I want complete licensure requirements for elementary ed and middle school ed.

3) Home Improvement. The bathroom has to be completed by the end of the year. It just has to.

4) Self Sufficiency. I've tried to move more towards local, and that will be a continuing battle. In addition to local, I want to start trying to grow or make more of the things I would usually buy. This includes work on my garden, extending the season and increasing the varieties of plants grown as well as learning new hobbies such as soap making.

5) Preparedness. This includes work on our budget and retirement accounts, but also includes having a good first aid kit, stocking the pantry, and having cat food and litter before I realize I'm already out.

There are definitely a few things out there that either aren't interesting enough to share or as of yet unthought of. Perhaps I should add editing my blogs before posting. Nahh. Too much work and I'd never get anything done.

Well, time will tell how well I stick to my plan, but I feel better already just having written it down.

No Place Like Home!

2011-01-03T03:22:00.000-08:00

I haven't finished my travel blog yet (mostly because I didn't have working internet for a while and was too tired yesterday when I came home to finish it) but I wanted to write a little about my travels in a different format, so here it is.

Lessons Learned

This trip was "hard" as my mom puts it. It wasn't hell, hell wouldn't have bright spots, like this trip did, but neither was it heaven. Difficult, challenging, frustrating, and possibly annoying are all words I'd use to describe the last two weeks. I'm tempted to say I'll never travel during winter again, but considering I'm married to a German, I know that in 2 years it's his turn again. So, instead of continuing to say how miserable the travel was (and it was) I'll focus on what I can learn from it.

1) Direct connections. After my initial flight over was canceled because my intermediary airport stop was closed, I ended up on a direct flight to Dublin. It was one of two flights that left and arrived on time. The other one was the flight from Paris, which actually left 1/2 hour late, but arrived on time. I'm going to be looking into direct connections to Munich, Berlin or Frankfurt and will probably book a hotel room for the night before continuing on with the train the next day. My reason for NOT booking direct in the past has been that I don't want to get on a 3 hour long train ride after an international flight. A hotel will solve that better than a flight that involves a change of planes.

2) Reduced Tourism. I have previously always planned in other things to do because 2 weeks sitting in a 650 square foot apartment with my in-laws would be too long. After 3 days of eating and sleeping I'm already done with "relaxation". A room full of people who are deliberately doing very little, so that they can relax, is not relaxing for me. Give me pictures to look at and put in a photo album, play a game with me, hook up wifi so I can blog, clear out some space where I can write and I'd probably be fine. I think I spent 3 hours playing games on my iphone because I had nothing to do (already read the book and couldn't download another). I was really looking forward to Paris. So, the plan is for me to come over for a shorter amount of time, and not try to put other things into the schedule so I'm amused. If I came into Germany, say around the 22nd, took the train the 23rd, left again on the 27th, and flew out on the 28th, that would be about the right amount of time for me.

3) Forget New Years. I've stayed longer so that I could be with my husband over New Years Eve. I hate fireworks. I've found that I especially hate fireworks in Chemnitz. Pretty much everyone buys expensive fireworks and sets them off for days before New Years, but then go all out on New Year's Eve. While I would love to be with my husband, there's pretty much no escaping the fireworks there. I debated staying until New Years, and taking a flight on that day (a true escape from the sound of fireworks) but that would involve 3 extra days, and I'm pretty sure I'd get stir crazy by then. No, I think every 2 years I can do without the hoopla. I can find other ways to celebrate the new year with my husband that are probably far more emotionally healthy.

4) Hotel. Having a hotel for the time my brother-in-law and grandmother-in-law were also staying at the house was definitely worthwhile to me. Gerd disagrees and would rather not spend the money on a hotel (it was expensive, but then we had 3 people...I don't have to worry about my mother deciding to visit again for a while, probably never). Having a place to go made a huge difference in the level of stress I felt under. I didn't need to worry that we were taking up the living and dining room space and that everyone else needed to stay in their bedrooms until we woke up. I could get ready in the morning without worrying that I was taking up the bathroom that 5 other people might need. I knew during the day that I would leave at the end of the day, so there would be relief in sight. AND, I think my mother-in-law was happy to have a few less people to worry about. I've really thrown a wrench in their system, and it isn't really easy for any of us.

5) Another Cat Solution. Another benefit of a shorter say would be less worry over the cats. For the first time this year I hired a catsitter that I didn't know well before hand. We spoke over the phone, and she came to visit a week before the trip, but I was concerned about the cats the whole time. It turns out I was right to be worried. I came home to find that they were out of water (well, there was probably a few licks left in each bowl) and their litter hadn't been cleaned in at least 4 days. I don't know if she got the days wrong or if she was just a bad catsitter. I need to send her an e-mail and find out what went wrong. With a 6 day trip I could ask someone to visit on a particular day and I can have enough food and water put out that I know they'll be okay while we're gone. I'm not saying that I'll never take a longer trip again, but it's one less stress over the holidays.

Happy Thoughts About The Trip.

I think it's important to remember that there were good parts of the trip too, so here's the highlights:

- St. Martin's B&B in Galway. Mary was the best hostess ever and she makes a great pot of tea. I can't imagine a nicer person to stay with in Galway.

- Stopping to walk up to the coast of Ireland. I'd done it before, but it was wonderful to see Mom and Wally enjoy it too. Plus, there's just something about the Burren that is incredibly interesting.

- Irish Stew with Brown Bread. 'Nuff said.

- Singing Christmas songs with my mother on the way from Galway to Dublin.

- Drinking Gluwein in the Berlin Christmas Markets (Weinachtsmarkt).

- Dinner at the Nussbalm Restaurant in Dublin. Cozy, and remarkably good lentil soup.

- Christmas Eve service in German. O Come All Ye Faithful and Angels We Have Heard on High sung in German.

- A friendly family taking us to my in-laws door when I got us lost after the service.

- Gerd playing guitar, his mother playing mandolin, and everyone else, including Granny, singing German Christmas songs.

- The excellent food made my my mother-in-law. Most especially the Nueinerlei (or however you spell it, the 9 small things) for Christmas Eve.

- Thoughtful gifts given and received by all. My mother LOVED her pyramid, and I also loved my bicycle bags. Gerd loved his book about the history of Chemnitz.

- The Windsor Hotel in Paris. It wasn't perfect, but the host was incredibly helpful. It was a 10 minute walk to the Eiffel Tower or the subway. And it had wifi.

- Eating in Paris. Again, what else can I say. French Food.

-The crypts of Paris. We didn't see it all, but I'll go again someday.

-The Louvre. I think in the 3 times I've been I've seen maybe 1/16th of what there is to see, but it's all so wonderful you'd need a lifetime to see all of it properly.

- Cooking for my mother-in-law. I'm not sure she likes to have her kitchen taken over, but I liked being able to cook for her for once.

- Gerd playing guitar for me as the fireworks started to really bother me.

- A visit to Vetsa and Andrea, Gerd's friends from elementary school. I really enjoy them as friends.

- Friendly people on trains, buses, planes, and everywhere along the way.

Travel Blog

2010-12-17T14:22:00.000-08:00

I invited my students to go to my travel blog website so they could see pictures of all the places I'm going to. Although this is an open blog, I'm starting to (belatedly) get concerned about how much I share with everyone and everybody, and I'd rather my students focus in on just the travels and not necessarily everything I put on this site. More on this topic will follow in the future I'm sure but for now my quick fix is to use another website.

So.

If you'd like picture and blog updates of the trip you can find it here at

www.planetranger.com/onenewmexican

Not Stressed At All

2010-12-16T14:14:00.001-08:00

Okay, so that's a lie.

I leave tomorrow and I haven't packed. I'm supposed to make a pot roast for our Christmas party tomorrow, get a planetranger account so I can post photos of the trip for my students, leave instructions for the cat/housesitter, get a key to our eagle eye neighbor, clean, do another load of laundry, and call everyone who called yesterday to wish me a happy birthday, but couldn't reach me because I was at Stammtisch. And I've left my cell phone at work. I have to remember to pack my passport, the Euro Gerd gave me, my phone (and charger), warm clothes, and any Christmas gifts I've been accumulating. I know I'm forgetting something else!

Okay, enough writing about what I have to do, onto the doing.

Leftovers

2010-12-13T06:25:00.000-08:00

I'm home sick today and my doctor's appointment isn't until 1:00 so I might as well blog. I've had a stomach ache for over 1 1/2 weeks, generally been achy, and overall just not right. I'd hoped I was finally pregnant, but I guess not. Considering recent fertility bad news it would've been a miracle anyway, but now I'm wondering if it's not THAT, why in the world am I nauseous?

Two weekends ago we had a nice party, with tons of leftovers. Considering I haven't been feeling all that well, I haven't wanted to do much with the food. Since we'll be in Europe this Christmas, we really don't have much time to use up all of our leftovers, which forced me to deal with a refrigerator of food this weekend. We still had leftover turkey, 6 pounds of a 7 pound ham, tons of bread and cheese, and all of the vegetable from Boston Organics that I'd forgotten to cancel (specifically 2 squash, celery, turnips, onions, apples, oranges, pears, carrots, cranberries, mushrooms, and a head of cabbage).

So I decided to make soup. Actually, I've only made one pot of split pea soup, but I'm expecting to eat most of it before we go, and freeze the rest. It's easy on the tummy, used a bunch of the ham, carrots, onions, and celery, and didn't require effort (gotta love crock pots).

I also made a quiche to get rid of the rest of my eggs, use some of the cheese (still tons more to go), reduce the amount of ham, and use up the aging cauliflower. I forgot to save some mushrooms for the quiche, so it was mushroomless. This should get us through breakfasts for the week.

For yesterday's dinner I made potato and turnip mash, which disguised the turnips nicely and prevented their waste. I also roasted one of the squash and made roasted mushrooms as found on SmittenKitchen. Oh MY GOD these were good mushrooms. I was a little worried that I wouldn't keep them down, but I couldn't stop eating them!

In addition over the weekend I made bread pudding and custard. The bread pudding used up almost all of the leftover bread and the custard was made with eggnog that was about to expire (plus it used some eggs).

I still need to deal with apples and oranges, one squash, the head of cabbage, and a couple more carrots. I put the rest of the ham in the freezer for another pot of split pea soup later on down the road.

The apples are easy, I'm going to make apple pie filling and can it, if I can find enough unused cans around the house. Oranges, on the other hand, I'm not so sure about. Perhaps I'll just make orange juice one night and call it done. Squash perhaps I'll make for dinner one night this week. Cabbage I'm tempted to make into sauerkraut, but that will require a bit of research. Plus there's the problem that I don't like sauerkraut and will be eating tons of it over Christmas. Gerd likes it though, so we'll see.

All of this is a bit of food to deal with when you don't feel like looking at food.

Too Mean

2010-12-11T05:29:00.001-08:00

This is a revised post. Gerd thinks my first one was too mean. Ah well, he's probably right. It was about Karma (or how things all equal out in the end).

This is our former house:

http://www.boston.com/yourtown/news/south_end/2010/12/water_restored_in_south_end_af.html

On the SAME DAY I found out our old place was covered in water I got a call from HR. Turns out somehow my first paycheck was never cashed. I vaguely remember wondering when I was going to get paid because it seemed like FOREVER. Turns out it was. The check must have gotten lost in the move. As a result I have an extra paycheck, about the same amount we were asking from our landlord for our missing furniture.

Not only that, but I won two tickets to go to the big Christmas Gala ($500/ticket) which turned into a very nice birthday bash.

The heats back on, the car's still sitting in a shop south of Boston, and we're just not using the spare bathroom. Life does seem to equal out after a while.

What a Weekend!

2010-12-05T13:24:00.001-08:00

I can't say it was ALL bad. We had a nice party with a lot of great people.

But leading up to the party I decided I wanted to install a bathroom. Seemed pretty simple. I mean, the pipes were all there, the water worked, all we needed to do was get a toilet and a vanity and hook it up. Even I thought I could handle that.

So we started installing stick-down tiles at 4:30 on Friday night, got to the toilet around 10:00, and finished around 11:30. We got up the next morning in time for the trash haulers to take away our monstrous cast iron tub (not the pretty kind) so we could finish installing the tile and put in the vanity. We finished the vanity by 1:00, except for the missing piece.

(Sorry I can't figure out how to rotate these photos)

Did I mention that we were having a party at 7:00 that night? So when I came back from the store around 3:00, with groceries and everything Gerd had an unpleasant surprise for me. Sure, the water worked, but the drain pipe. The drain pipe on the other hand did not work. There's about a 2 foot long crack that runs down to the main line. Flushing the toilet resulted in a gush of water Gerd found while looking for a tool in the basement. At least it wasn't flowing through our heater this time. That was last weekend.

The party went well and nobody seemed to mind our dining room bathroom, or were at least polite enough not to mention anything about it.

But this morning our woes weren't over. The heat turned off around 10:00 and is still out. Thank goodness for home warantees. The heater guy is looking at it now. Other than our disastrous trip to drop off the Mini, we've been wholed into our living room with a miniture space heater and about 6 candles to keep warm. It could be worse, the house only got down to about 60.

After we got a time frame that the heater guy would show up we decided to go drop off the Mini in the mean time. Not so good. We think the engine might need to be replaced. Apparently the coolant hose disconnected while Gerd was driving it and it started smoking. There was another hose that we couldn't figure out where it connected too, but Gerd decided to keep driving anyway (we were only 5 miles away from where we were going). At first there wasn't anymore smoke, but then it came back like before, but this time the engine block was leaking something.

Just when I hoped we were done with bad luck my computer cord stopped working. If I have to replace it, this will be the 4th cord I'll have had to buy for this computer.

So it was just one of those weekends. Hope yours was lest costly, less frustrating, and less cold.

I thought I'd write a novel?

2010-11-30T13:58:00.001-08:00

So, looking at November I have to say, I really thought I'd write a novel this month? Crazy.

Thanksgiving was great, the week before it booked solid, and today is Gerd's 40th birthday. Happy Birthday honey!

The month has moved along too fast to be bad. In fact, I've been pretty pleased about my workplace, and been getting happier about our house (until the furnace flooded and died) and overall more optimistic. We're even hosting a house party this weekend (I really must be crazy).

Yesterday I asked my students when winter really begins (hint, not just on the day marked by the solstice). Most said it begins when they get cold enough to put on a coat or that winter comes with the first snow. My own definition?

Seasons change when I start to feel miserable enough that I have to change something in my routine to become happy again. Like, turn up the heat, dig out the warm boots, pack away any dresses that are too tempting to keep wearing, dig out the ski gear, and stock up on soup.

So as far as I'm concerned, winter is here. I've just been so busy with life I forgot to notice.

Facebook

2010-11-11T08:19:00.000-08:00

I had great plans for today. A full day off! And it's sunny outside!!!

And I'm on Facebook.

I have to wonder if Facebook is bad for people. I mean, here I am, still on the computer.

But I love Facebook too. Within the space of 30 minutes I found out that one of my friends I haven't spoken with in months is in Arizona, found out my favorite cousin-in-law is home too, sent a message to the seller's Realtor from our house purchase (we liked her more than our Realtor) about contractors in South Boston, and found suggestions for a bunch of high school "friends".

One of those friends was someone I remember well, but who I doubt really knew me at all. Heather M. She and her cousin (I think) Melissa M. were really about as different as two people with the same last name could be. Heather was quiet, a little plump, smart, but non-competitive (at least from a distance). We knew each other, but not very well. I was a bit of an outsider, not having grown up in the area myself.

Melissa was someone even my mother remembers. Cheerleader, possible saluditorian, honors student, popular, she had it all. I wasn't exactly jealous of Melissa, it's just that she was the all American sweetheart. Our high school had many of them. Indiana is full of all Americans. But I couldn't help, even in high school, comparing the two Ms. They had the exact same shade of hair color (brilliant blond).

When Facebook popped up Heather's name, I clicked on her profile and saw two small pictures. You know what, she's beautiful. Now, it could be a picture from a few years ago, but she looks young, happy, brilliant. She had over 100 friends, so I thought I'd see what high school students were on her list. Guess what, Melissa was one of them.

Now I'm not going to say Melissa isn't pretty. She still is. She's still thin, blond, and has a great smile. But I've got to say, Heather eclipsed her, at least over the internet. I'm sure they're both happy people, but it's really nice to see Heather as a happy adult. I always had the impression in high school that she hadn't really figured herself out yet.

Another "friend" of hers was Taylor. One of my high school crushes, who a few years ago I tried to friend. He didn't friend me back, and I can't really blame him. Of course he knew who I was, it was a small school after all, and I'm sure he'd be friendly to me if we saw each other somewhere, but we were hardly friends.

In fact, none of the people I've mentioned were really friends. They were people in the same community as mine. When I miss "them" I think I miss the time of that community. I guess during high school you're too busy enjoying, and alternately hating, being a teenager to recognize how unique high school is in life.

I have to wonder how many community members I have now. I've got people at church I know but don't really know well. I've got coworkers, but it's definitely different that being in school.

So is it good to catch up with these folk? Perhaps, in fleeting glances. I suppose if I still lived in Fishers I'd still be in the loop anyway. Facebook just provides me with a connection to all the healthy, and unhealthy memories of my past.

What is and is not going on...

2010-11-08T19:11:00.000-08:00

Well, my nanowrimo didn't get off to a good start this year. Day 2 I ate lamb, which I usually can eat, except couldn't anymore. Instead of normal irritating but fleeting red meat reactions, I was pretty sick for 2 days. Then there was the grain pick up.

I now own 1/2 of my 1/2 share grain share. I've got wheat, spelt, rye, and corn, all of which I'm going to need to find glass containers for, and learn how to cook. Oh, and I need to buy a mill.

My garden is no longer alive since we've met our first frost, but I also haven't managed to pull up the plants yet. That would require figuring out where to put the outdoor compost, and I haven't an idea yet.

I've managed to make almond flour chocolate chip cookies, which are pretty good, but not as good as my moms. Seriously, my mom makes the best chocolate chip cookies, ask anyone. We have also now discovered that gluten free pizza crust is not equal to the regular stuff.

The crazy diet is still crazy, although I'm not sure what good it's doing. After reading about soy milk being, perhaps, not good for people we've now switched back to cow milk, but raw cow milk. We cheated over the weekend too and had a wonderful breakfast in the North End. I think caffeine may make me a smarter person.

Life just keeps on truckin by.

Please Vote!

2010-11-02T03:24:00.000-07:00

It's November 2nd! Go vote!!!

(and if you live in Massachusetts go vote NO on 1, 2, and 3).

Warm Weather

2010-10-28T13:29:00.000-07:00

I wouldn't normally say 70 degrees is warm. Really, it's just lukewarm. But for the end of October...it's surprisingly warm. I can remember my first Halloween in Indiana where all the kids were dressed up in costumes which you couldn't see. They were all bundled in coats since it was snowing out. THAT was a big surprise for a kid from Tucson.

Anyway, the "warm" weather is appreciated, and I don't feel quite so bad about just now getting my garlic in the ground. Yes I know I'm late, by something like a month, but we haven't had a frost yet, so hopefully it's not too late for a good garlic crop.

I finally got around to picking green tomatoes too. I think I picked around 50 - 100. A ton. Really, a lot of tomatoes. Something keeps eating them so I figured it would be no loss if they fail to turn red over time. I'm only concerned about putting some tomatoes that already have a whole or two in them in the basement. I hope the bugs aren't still there chomping away at my green tomatoes. I still have a bunch of tomatoes on the vine too, probably another 50, but they didn't seem as far along as these tomatoes are, and with this weather who knows when the frost will hit. I could have another month of growing (especially if I decided to go find a pop-up greenhouse, but all bets are off if I get around to it).

My carrots are HUGE. I mean over 12 inches long and, at least at the top, about the width of a small jelly jar. I only have about 12 left to harvest, but I'm saving them for a day when I need to figure out what to cook.

Yesterday I pulled out the first bag of frozen broccoli and decided that I should have blanched the heads before freezing them. It was edible, but not nearly as good as the fresh stuff, and a bit hard. I'm hoping broccoli cheese soup will come out so good I don't even realize it's from my frozen supply, but we'll have to see.

Not much more homestead wise has been going on around here. I'm on this crazy diet still so it's kind of taken the joy out of eating. The first week went well, I cooked everything ahead of time and we had breakfast together every morning, but it's been slipping ever since then and poor Gerd has had to go back to buying his lunches. I really think he liked having me pack him a lunch everyday.

I've been debating NaNoWriMo, but I figure if I can't even figure out how to cook meals for the month I've got very little chance of keeping up...But on the other hand I have a couple of hours every day that are being wasted (I know, I could be cooking, but I don't wanna) and writing would be a good use of my time. So we'll see I guess. I've had a few story ideas floating around in my head for a while now, perhaps one will decide it wants to pop out.

Energy

2010-10-25T13:19:00.000-07:00

I recently read an article about the effects of cell phones on our health. The claim? The energy transmitted from cell phones causes anything from depression to cancer to ADHD. Apparently 2000 hours of cell phone use over a lifetime makes one 200% more likely to get brain cancer on the side of the head where you hold your phone.

I go to acupuncture, which is energy work. Acupuncture claims to resolve energy blockages in the system which can cause physical ailments. Yoga also focuses on movement of energy, and I have to say that I feel emotionally better after both yoga and acupuncture.

The article wasn't actually limited to cell phones, but also suggested that the amount of energy thrumbing around us, via laptop or alarm clocks, or turned off TVs has an effect on our well being.

So should I abandon modern technology? Abandon my iPhone? I'm an iPhone addict.

The whole concern comes at a time when I feel like I don't have any energy. A gluten free, refined sugar free, caffeine free diet has its drawbacks. I'm no longer dreaming of eating sugar, but I'd say I'm still feeling emotionally drained. No longer can I eat a piece of candy to get myself out of a bad mood or drink a cup of coffee to help me concentrate.

So I find myself wondering.

How much healthier would I be without the modern conveniences we have today. No cell phone, computer, electricity for that matter. No gas or car or processed foods.

I'm pretty sure my health would be great...unless something went wrong.

The same society that creating things that kills us creates cures that heal us. I might not like pesticides and disposable napkins, but could we have modern medicine without the advances we've made through the industrial and agricultural revolutions?

I know, it's a pretty deep post for a Monday morning. But it IS a rainy day, which in itself would lead me down a dreary path. Three of my students came into class today telling me that friends of theirs had died over the weekend. Boston is sick with violence right now, and it's easy to say that our modern way of life has created a social sickness.

But the truth is, I'm trying to be more optimistic. The things we take for granted may be killing us, but they might also be keeping us alive.

The Diet

2010-10-06T04:32:00.001-07:00

According to "the plan" we were supposed to start IVF this month.

I am NOT ready for a shot a day, the stress, the hormones. Seriously, I'd rather just adopt. But would I then wonder if it would have worked? People spend tons of money and time trying to get pregnant. I think you have to feel comfortable with your decisions and know when to stop.

So we're on our last, last ditch effort pre-IVF treatment. We're already on herbs and doing acupuncture.

"The Diet"

The NO list: No flour, no refined sugar, no caffeine, no alcohol. This radically changes our diet (especially the flour since bread/noodles are a major part of our lives). Gerd's on it too, partially for moral support and partially because he's a part of it too. He's not happy about it, but surviving (probably better than I am).

The YES list: Daily exercise (even just a little bit), more sleep, more healthy snacks between meals. Breakfast together in the morning with a cup of (decaf) tea. Vitamins.

The new "plan" is to do this until Thanksgiving. Nothing like a feast as a reward for good behavior. We'll quit for the month of December (no way am I forgoing Christmas cookies) and then start IVF in January. We will do 2-3 rounds of IVF and then go to adoption if it hasn't worked by then. I do not want to be a human pincushion forever.

At least that's "the plan". We'll see what actually happens. I just still can't believe that this isn't coming naturally. When I was younger I never really thought I'd have difficultly getting pregnant. I really didn't think about it at all.

The Only Mexican Food Around

2010-09-27T19:36:00.000-07:00

So, I haven't tried this restaurant yet. I have no idea how good the food is, although reviews say the burritos are wonderful, the best in Boston (just don't order delivery).

But I have to mention, this isn't Mexican food.

1. Breakfast. No Huevos Rancheros here. You can get 2 eggs, a chicken tamale and a pupusa for $8.00 though. They have breakfast burritos too, with a choice of spinach, grilled veggies, mushrooms, and homefries (in addition to eggs and meat and guacamole). They also offer pancakes.

2. Desserts. They offer Baklava, Kadaif, Rice Pudding, and Kazandibi. What the heck is Kazandibi?

3. Main Dishes. Here's where we find out it's El Salvadorian food. The tamale's are made with carrots and potatoes. Humm. Someone online said they were very good. I'll have to try them, but could they at least think of a different name? They also have "pupusa" which comes with coleslaw and tomato sauce (the description says it's a pancake filled with pork or cheese).

They have some "Mexican food" like burritos, quesadillas, tacos, and fajitas, but they offer things like zucchini frittata and lentil soup. I really, *really* miss good New Mexican food.

My favorite dishes that I can't get around here? Stuffed sopapillas, chili rellenos, and breakfast burritos with green chili. While this restaurant may be tasty, it's not going to be a stand in for what I really want. Too bad. With the exception of breakfast burritos, these dishes are not exactly easy to make from scratch.

Seriously, why couldn't they just SAY that they're an El Salvadorian restaurant?

Knocking on Doors

2010-09-20T16:02:00.001-07:00

I guess you could say our church practices a *little* proselytizing, but not in a traditional sense. We've got a campaign to go door to door to get registered voters to vote. According to the Greater Boston Interfaith Organization, who heads the project, the effort to get people to vote in the last election (not the presidential race) resulted in a 30% increase in turnout in our precinct. That's pretty good!

Our goal is to get 500 people in our district to pledge that they'll vote. We're not trying to get new people to register, although that's important too, we're looking at people who have voted in the past. We have a list, thanks to public record and the city, of everyone who is registered, has voted in the past, but did not vote in the election 4 years ago. We go to those houses, knock on the door, talk about voting, and then bring up the ballot questions so they know what they are.

I have to admit, we've got a view on how to vote on the ballot questions this time. I guess the last time they did this it was just to get people to vote, no favoritism. But this time, we want people to vote no on ballot question 1. That means we want people to say NO please don't eliminate the tax on alcohol.

We're not prohibitionists, but we are in favor of drug and alcohol prevention and recovery programs. Right now all of the city's programs are funded by the alcohol tax. If we eliminate the tax we eliminate funding for the programs, which will either close, become grant funded (which is touch and go, let me tell you), or get funded by the state budget (which is already overburdened). Not only will programs be at risk (because of the funding issue) but people likely to abuse alcohol will have easier access to it.

We don't have a stance on question 2 (about affordable housing) or on question 3 (halving the sales tax) although I'm personally opposed to question 3 (education is funded by taxes). I remain unconvinced either way about housing. One side says it's a corrupt law that disregards permitting and leads to environmental harm, the other side says it's the best way to ensure low income housing in a very expensive state.

I've never gone door to door before, but I guess there's always a first. I'll let you know how it goes!

Coat Shopping

2010-09-18T18:59:00.000-07:00

Last winter I realized I needed a warmer coat. I've got a wool princess cut that I adore. It's from Cardiff, and has served me well for the past 9 years. I hope to keep wearing it for a long time yet too, because I love it love it love it. Well, I love it until it's 10 degrees outside and sleeting. Then it's not so awesome, even with a few layers of fleece and wool socks. Nothing seems to keep me warm enough around here.

See, it's the coastal wind. We live right by the water, so the humidity, or whatever you'd call it, that permeates the air makes winter snows feel sloppy. It seeps into the bones in a way I've never really experienced before. Even when it's warmer than other areas (because the coastal effect also makes it less likely to get cold enough to actually snow) it feels more miserable.

So this year I decided to find a coat BEFORE winter begins. I realized around January last year that my coat just wasn't cutting it, but decided winter wouldn't last *too* much longer. And I was right, but I was also miserable for a few months.

But did you know how many puffy coats there are to choose from? And how expensive they are? While I normally love to shop, I pretty much hate coat shopping. First of all, many coats (at least many super warm coats) really don't flatter the figure. Searching for that ONE coat that doesn't make you look like you're 50 pounds heavier can take hours of searching. Meanwhile, as you try every coat on, you get to feel like a sweating walrus, because even in winter, department stores keep their buildings warm enough to make a coat too hot to handle.

To avoid the process, this year I decided to search online first. I'd pick out the best features, read the reviews, limit my choices and go in for the kill. REI had a bunch of options so I did my fact checking and headed out. I STILL ended up stuck between a few choices and came home empty handed. More down but no rain proof? Rain proof but super heavy? Removable vs. non-removable hoods? Marshmellow vs. Gestapo?

I came back home and immediately checked the internet again, hoping to find more reviews, better online prices...and was directed to.... Sacks Fifth Avenue.

On a positive note, the price for an Arctic Down coat from REI is the exact same from SFA. I suppose that makes sense, although I'm surprized to see the same coat in both stores. But the big difference? Oh, how about those other 96 coats that cost up to $2000. Won't be buying them.

But you know what I noticed? All those pretty, well fitting down coats that I've seen on people walking by on Newbury St., yeah, they must be very expensive coats. You can tell, just by the pictures, that a down coat that doesn't make you look like the Michelin Man from Ghostbusters, one that has style and finesse, costs some serious $. I mean, some are downright beautiful. I wish I could convince myself the investment is worth it. I mean, my last coat has been good to me for almost 10 years. And who knows, maybe I can find a pretty coat somewhere less well known for their high prices. Or maybe they could have a sale...

But I really want the agony of buying a coat out of the way and there is no way I could justify a coat that expensive.

WHY does coat shopping always have to be so painful?!

Friday Night

2010-09-17T15:33:00.000-07:00

I think one of the nicest things about Fridays (now that I'm married and boring) is staying in.

I don't miss Friday night dates AT ALL. Really, after a long week I don't want to get dressed up and go out, not on Friday anyway. I want to veg on the couch, cuddle with the husband, play with the cats.

Honestly, I don't know how people do it. I can't imagine having enough energy right now to go dancing. Did I ever have energy on a Friday night? I suppose I must have; Sunday's have never been for sleeping in around my house. But then I've never been much of a partier, and my brain stops functioning at a certain hour, usually around 11.

So I'm sitting here on the couch waiting for a pizza to arrive (half sausage and mushroom, half pepperoni and olive) looking through the online Netflix options, and debating whether or not I'll allow myself a beer.

Who in the world would ever have thought that *this* feels like a perfect night.

Primarily Speaking

2010-09-16T05:05:00.000-07:00

The primaries are in, and the worst guy for the job (in my opinion) got the Democratic nomination.

So I've decided to change parties.

Right now I"m registered in the Green Party. Yes, I know, they don't have any chance of putting a candidate in power anytime soon, but my idealism led me to join. I want to support a 3rd party, and I agree with the Green Party's emphasis on the environment. AND, by being a part of the Green Party I'm helping build their numbers. I think in NM if they have 5% of the population they get money and the ability to participate in the debates. So there was a reason I joined.

But the thing is, I've missed out on two primaries now. First, Scott Brown, now Tim Collins. I'm beginning to realize how important primaries really are. I called the city to find out where I could vote for the primaries, because I didn't want another Scott Brown moment, and was told I couldn't vote. Doh, that's right, I'm not a Democrat. Either everyone else is registered Green, or just didn't vote. There was only an 8% turn out in South Boston.

Now I'm stuck deciding if I'll vote for the Republican candidate, who I liked better than Tim Collins, or not. The lingering problem I have with Patrick Brennen, at least after listening to the primary debate hosted by our church, is that he shot down spending for all programs we (as a church) said we wanted to see in the community (gotta tighten the purse strings) but didn't offer any options to help those that would be cut from spending. It's a problem I frequently sense from the GOP.

Now, I tend to agree with balancing a budget, and recognize that some programs probably SHOULD be cut. I mean, if a state is overspending, it can't continue indefinitely. But what are you doing to do about the people who still need benefits?

From Brennen I heard he couldn't support the Substance Abuse Recover Act (which taxes alcohol and uses the money to fund recovery programs). He couldn't support allocating money for YouthWorks, a program that gives youth from underprivileged areas jobs for the summer so they can build skills and experience in the workforce. He wouldn't support moving state money from Bank of America to local banks that cap usury at 10% interest.

There was always something wrong with the bill that was introduced. There was always a reason to tear it down, but never an answer. Never a suggestion that we could improve the acts or money allocations by one means or another. In other words, lets just cut spending without resolving issues. It's like the businesses that cut employees but keep expecting everyone to do the same amount of work. Eventually it falls apart. And frankly, the Alcohol Recovery Act is self funded, tax alcohol. The Bank of America move doesn't cost any money, it saves it in reduced interest.

So Nick Collins said he'd do everything that we wanted. Do I believe him? Not sure, he was a little unclear in his speaking, a little slick in his bearing.

By next election I'll be an Independent (although it won't matter by then, at least this year). In Massachusetts (so far the only good thing I've seen politically in this state) an Independent can vote in either the Republican or Democratic primaries.

Sometimes I want to just withdraw from politics entirely. But then I think of the kids I teach and the problems our communities face, and I know we need to keep fighting to ensure programs get the funding they need to flourish. Who would pick up the slack otherwise?

And case in point? At the Catholic organization where I work there's a food pantry. People get one bag of groceries once every TWO MONTHS. We give out bags of groceries every day. That's a lot of people with very little food. Even if the private sector would take over charity, there wouldn't be enough to go around.

Yogurt

2010-09-13T04:08:00.000-07:00

It turns out that a half gallon of milk makes a WHOLE LOT of yogurt. Or, in my case, semi-yogurt.

AFTER starting my yogurt in the slow cooker I read that I shouldn't use ultra-pasteurized milk. Pretty much all organic milk on the shelf is ultra-pasteurized, which has led me in the past to consider going milk non-organic. I keep buying organic though because I figure it keeps that many more fields pesticide free (organic cows have to eat organic grass...)

Anyway, I got more of a Kefir appearance, but it does taste like yogurt, and it is thicker than plain milk. I'm hoping to go buy some fruit and make fruit yogurt drinks out of it. Maybe I'll find some recipes that call for yogurt too. This is like a repeat of the cucumbers. Can you preserve yogurt?

Anyway, I loved my recipe and I will definitely make yogurt again (on a smaller scale), so I thought I'd share!

I got this recipe from this site:

Step 1: Pour 1/2 gallon NOT ULTRA-PASTEURIZED milk into slow cooker (2%/skim/lowfat is fine)
Step 2: Heat on Low setting for 2 1/2 hours (set a timer and go about your life)
Step 3: Turn off slow cooker and let sit for 3 hours. Keep the lid on. (again with the timer)
Step 4: Measure 2 cups of the warm milk into a separate bowl and mix in 1/2 cup yogurt with live cultures.
Step 5: Return mix to slow cooker, cover, and wrap the slow cooker in a towel overnight or 8 hours.

Okay, so this is like making bread, do something, wait, do something, wait, etc., but it's incredibly easy, not messy at all, and I have to believe regular milk would have turned out a nice thick yogurt. Even kefir-like it tastes good.

I put my milk on at 4pm then checked it 3 hours later (after dinner), then mixed the culture in around 10:00.

Now, any ideas of how to use all this good stuff?

Squirling Away

2010-09-12T13:39:00.000-07:00

Its beginning to feel a bit like autumn! I think we're about 2 weeks behind, which somewhat connects with the maple syrup harvest this year. Anyone else a bit concerned by the warmer temperatures and longer than usual summer? Ah well, it's too beautiful a day to complain.

Anyway, on my last trip to the farm I ended up with 10 pounds of apples. They're "seconds" so they were cheaper, and not really in too bad shape either. What do you do with 10 pounds of apples? Make apple sauce of course!

(I'd already started cutting up apples and putting them in a pot before I took this picture, but you can see that I have at least a few apples :)

I canned and processed! Now I've got 6 pints of apple sauce....and about 5 more pounds of apples!

So even though it's warmer this season, I've come to the conclusion that I'm not going to get my fall garden planted in time. Today would have been a great day to do it, but I don't really have a bed set up for new plants. My other plants are still slowly putting out veggies, so I'm not quite ready to pull them up yet. Well, I did pull up the potatoes, but that's in the knotwood infested area that I'm about to (ye gads) spray with double strength round up.

Still, I've done a pretty good job this summer I think. I've managed to squirrel away more than I ever have before, even if I am pretty far from a full backyard homestead.

Here's what I've got so far:

2 large freezer bags of whole frozen tomatoes. These can be thawed individually or a few at a time. I plan to make sauces with them as I need to.

3 small portions of tomato sauce. I'd like to have a ton more sauce, but we keep eating the tomatoes. I started freezing tomatoes to make more sauce, but just left them whole and frozen. I plan to use the frozen sauce for pizzas when I don't really feel like doing a bunch of cooking.

2 tupperware boxes and 2 small zip lock bags of Rainbow Chard. I'm guessing these will go into soups sometime when it gets cooler.

2 small ziplock bags of squash, most likely for soups

1 large bag of carrots, probably for soup, maybe for a side dish.

1 small bag of spinach, definitely for soup, I hate frozen spinach otherwise.

2 small bags of green beans.

9 heads of broccoli (and 3 more growing on the plants as of September). All for soups, I just need to get and freeze some soup to go along with it.

1 pound of potatoes

5 heads of garlic (decedents of my grandfather's garden)

9 jars pickles (and I still have enough cucumbers for 9 more jars if I can get to it)

12 jelly jars of grape jelly (hopefully to be traded or given away as gifts).

6 pints of apple sauce

I'm currently making yogurt, but I don't know if it'll come out alright or not. I read too late that I shouldn't use ultra-pasteurized milk. I had a bunch of raw milk from our Raw Milk Festival outing yesterday, but wanted to experiment with something less expensive on the first try. Oops, guess I should have gone ahead with my original plans.

But instead of worry about that now, I'm going to enjoy the rest of this beautiful day. I've been puttering in the garden and baking, so the day has already been a good one. Time for yoga, or maybe a nap.

But before I go.... Here's the latest wildlife found in our garden. Mama snake and 3 babies. I sure hope they aren't poisonous, and I really hope the cats don't get too interested in making friends with the locals.

Defensive Driving

2010-09-08T05:03:00.000-07:00

We bought a car. No, not the Mini, ANOTHER car. Turns out a car that won't run in the rain isn't a good investment in the Boston area. No, we haven't sold or returned the Mini yet either. I kind of expected my husband to be more solid about returning the car to the guy who sold it to us, but he hasn't been. Neither of us has the umph to sue him, and would it really help in the long run, even if we won? A court order to pay us wouldn't really guarantee that he'd pay us, would it?

Anyway, I realized that I REALLY wanted a car.

Recently I visited a blog called "Simple, Green, Frugal" where one of the writers mentioned she was enjoying being without a car for a while, but wasn't sure it would last. I sympathized with her. It's wonderful to live somewhere you don't NEED NEED NEED a car. When I posted that I recently decided to buy a car again I did so to show encouragement, not to convince her living without a car isn't an option. Sometimes convenience wins out over simple, green, or frugal.

But I've been feeling more and more defensive about my decision. The commenter who posted right after me said "I would NEVER go back to two cars in a family" and my non-driving friends, although non-judgmental, have mentioned they wouldn't buy a car based on transportation time. They've adapted to the long travel times. And I KNOW in my heart of hearts that I'm not doing what I feel is best for the environment.

But, despite feeling a bit guilty about the oil consumption, I feel so much happier knowing I can go wherever I want at the drop of a hat. Sure, parking is still a consideration, so I might choose not to go, or I might take the bus or the T, but I'm no longer feeling confined.

Perhaps someday I'll be able to live without a car, and that feeling will make me feel free. Right now being carless brings the opposite emotion. Until my mindset changes, I'm going to try not to feel too guilty for enjoying my new little Yaris.

Grape Jelly

2010-09-04T12:20:00.000-07:00

When my neighbors cut down the Concord Grape Vine that bordered my yard, I thought I was out of luck for grapes this year. Fortunately however, the grapes left on the dead vine branches ripened in the sun anyway. Most of the grapes weren't as plump as normal grapes would be, but they were the right color, and juicy. I wasn't sure about eating them straight out, so I figured I'd make either wine or jelly. Wine was a bit over my skill level for now, so I settled on grape jelly.

This is the harvest a few weeks ago, when I pulled all the grapes from the vine. I just keep getting more cucumbers!

Here's a better close up of the grapes:

Concord grapes aren't like "normal" grapes you'd get at the grocery store at all. They have a very thick skin that slips off easily. The taste is strong too, and despite a kind of weird texture, they can be an addictive snack. I forgot to take a picture of the next step (boiling down the grapes), so you'll just have to imagine these beauties in a pot with about 2 cups of water. After boiling the grapes, I drained them with cheesecloth and left the juices sit overnight (because one recipe said this would eliminate "crystallization" whatever that is).

While I planned on making jelly last weekend, my cousin from Buffalo visited so we biked around the city and took a boat trip along the Charles River, ate Ethiopian and Afghani food, and basically didn't do much more. So my juice sat for about a week before I got a chance to make my jelly.

I didn't really have a great recipe, and I had trouble deciding which online recipe to use. Some didn't use pectin, others were freezer jelly recipes, many used a thermometer, and the pectin I bought didn't have a recipe for grape jelly either, so I kind of improvised using other recipes as a baseline.

I put in 4 cups of grape juice, 5 cups of sugar (most recipes called for 7!) and after they boiled together added 1/2 packet of pectin. I initially forgot to scoop off the foam, but quickly figured out that I needed to. This did cause a problem for some of my jars though, so there may be a few jars of jelly with globs in them.

After a I scraped off the remaining
foam, I processed the jelly in a water bath for 10 minutes (looking at other jelly recipes for direction here). When I pulled them out they began popping immediately.

Then, because I had some time on my hands, I decided to make labels for my jelly and pickle jars. I used the homemade paper I made a few weeks ago and pasted the labels onto the jars with a glue made from flour and water.

Here are the results :)

I plan to either give some of the jelly away as presents for Christmas or take some to the Laurel Street Trading Post in a few weeks.

Gerd loves his pickles and says they remind him of his grandmother ("Granny"). Since we used her recipe I figured I would give credit where credit was due.

Evil Ragweed

2010-09-02T03:16:00.000-07:00

I haven't needed allergy medicine in several years. I've got a few different ideas about why, but the whole reason isn't important now because they're back (cue creepy music).

I just KNOW I'm going to end up with a stupid sinus infection. I should have started medicine a week ago, but I kept thinking it would all go away. But Tuesday I found out WHY I was having such difficulty. It's not just any allergen, it's ragweed. UGGG.

But did you know that you can track allergens on weather.com? Right now our weed count is high and very high. It doesn't say what pollen is high though. I'm on a quest for a better allergen predictor now. Any site recommendations would be appreciated!

Tree of Knowledge

2010-08-30T10:30:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to get more news from different places. I went through the Boston Globe online today, but I found myself back at HuffingtonPost. Why? I'm not really sure. I like to read the comments on all the stories, I think they're possibly more informative than the articles themselves sometimes. The topics are often mindless pulp, but I can't seem to help surfing their site.

I was reading this article and couldn't help but scroll down to the comments. One in particular stood out to me, and it has made me think. Here's a quote from "WasteNJ" " We seem to be the only species on Earth that doesn't fit into the environment naturally...that must destroy to exist."

And I began to wonder, must we destroy to exist?

Let's look at life BEFORE modern technology. We would live in huts, farm our own food, reproduce, create art, participate in religion, and die. Did we destroy then?

Certainly if you farm a piece of land for too long, and you don't take care to rotate your crops, you can destroy the earth. When you build a house, regardless of whether or not it's a rudimentary shelter, you're taking something away from somewhere else; however, when birds and beavers create nests is that destructive?

So at what point did we start destroying, because there is not a doubt that we destroy now. I don't think it's just related to energy use, my first hypothesis. The collapse of Rome, or Babylon are often linked to environmental destruction, and that's WAY pre-energy.

So at what point did we go from small pastoral farms and small village centers to large empires? Was it a desire for power? Was it increased population size? Was it increased knowledge? If we look at Medieval Europe, life was pretty basic until new ideas about the world came out of the return of crusaders. New ideas led to innovation and inventions and the whole Renaissance period. People wanted nicer cloth and better food, and more knowledge.

It seems to me like knowledge is a double edged sword. The story of Adam and Eve and their desire for knowledge is an analogy of that fact. The more we separate ourselves from animals, the more we bring about destruction of the natural world. Or, the greater our life, the greater our life's impact will be.

Even now, when we are aware that our destruction may cause the end of our species, we destroy. We destroy when trying to fix the problems; even wind turbines require resources from the earth. But is there a way to reach an equilibrium? Can we give back to the earth? The world destroys and rebuilds itself all the time. Erosion is creation and creation is erosion.

So I think that we destroy because we exist, not in order to exist, but we have the opportunity to create life as well. Creation is an equal and oppositive force. And if we can be great enough to stop taking indiscriminately from the earth, then hopefully, in some way, our impact will be one of lasting greatness.

Newspapers?

2010-08-23T03:05:00.000-07:00

I've pretty much been awake all night because some idiot decided that 1:30am was a great time to set off firecrackers in the middle of the street. I, of course, work up immediately and could not, COULD NOT get back to sleep. I finally came downstairs to surf the web, hoping to dull my mind enough that I could fall asleep again. Nothing new out there really, so I got to thinking about the news.

I recently bought a local "newspaper" (using the term very loosely here as you'll see) at our local bakery. I've bought it once before and noticed that it was pretty conservative, but I liked that it was put together by local writers, no associated press here. I don't think I'll be bothering with the $.50 in the future, not after some of their recent articles. The paper in question is called South Boston Tribune, and they have a website here that doesn't appear to be updated.

The front page was actually pretty good, they've got articles that are important to the local community and an "Around Town" column that shows all the local happenings in Southie. The problem starts on page 3. In a box call "The Information Center" John Ciccone titles his article TEA Party to Meet Sunday at Castle Island/Tax Break, Bay State 2-NH 365. The title itself is a bit confusing, but it just reflects the unfocused conservative rant that flows out after it. Seriously, my 8th graders in New Mexico could have done a better job. Ciccone column alternates between a condemnation of taxes, a condemnation of vandalism of the Korean War Memorial in Southie, a Condemnation of Obama, and an invitation to a Tea party meeting on Sunday. Sort of says something about the man and the movement really. Unfocused, vague, and without any solutions offered.

Here are some quotes on taxes:

"Anytime there's a day or two free of taxes it a good thing"

"Even as their Governor, John Lynch [NH] taunts Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick to "go ahead, keep those taxes coming". Because Governor Lynch knows that the more Patrick raises taxes here, the more Massachusetts residents will travel to his state to shop and the more Massachusetts businesses will relocate north as well."

"If voters continue to reelect the same people who ignore the wishes of the people and treat us like mere subjects and serfs rather than citizens living in a democracy, they'll just continue to treat us any way that suites their agendas."

And on Obama:

"I'm sure it comes as no surprise to readers of this column that Barack Hussein Obama, going against the wishes of the overwhelming majority of Americans like he does on every other issue, has come down in favor of building the Mosque at "Ground Zero" in New York City...This of course proves once again that Obama and his Regime are completely out of touch with the American People and most likely enjoy being so just fine."

But none of this is NOTHING compared to page 11 and an article entitled, I kid you not, "Show the Truth - Abortion is Satanic". That this is the title of an article in a "newspaper" is shocking enough. That it's not labeled OpEd, Letters to the Editor, or anything demonstrating that this is not necessarily the view of the "newspaper" is unforgivable. Then again, considering some of the grammar used throughout other articles, I'm not sure about the ability of the "editor" anyway.

Now, to be clear, I don't really care what your take on abortion is. You don't have to agree or disagree with it to think that this article doesn't belong in the news. I'm not particularly pro-abortion here and have considered myself personally "pro-life" my entire life. My view on government control on morality is a topic for another day.

But read these snippets and see what I'm talking about:

"The abortion industry is a profit-driven raw killing machine...the spiritual dimension of this grisly business, however, is systematizing of ritual blood sacrifice to the god of child murder who, in the Old Testament, is called Molloch." (I have a love of ... but this one came in the article, I have not edited the sentence at all.)

Fr Euteneuer points out that "For example, extreme feminist Ginette Paris described abortion 'as a sacrifice to Artemis' in her 1992 book The Sacrament of Abortion."... (that one's mine) Those of us who have been engaged in this truly holy work of carrying the Gospel of Life to our society know that we are not fighting against flesh and blood in the pro-life vs pro-abortion arena. We are contending against 'principalities and powers, the rulers of this world of darkness'"

Now, I can accept conservative views. Half of my family is traditionally conservative and I find that we can logically discuss our different stances on major issues without blood (most of the time;) It helps that I'm a veteran and a teacher. I can often agree with the ideology of both sides of most issues. I'd like to think that I haven't necessarily become more "liberal" I've become more educated about issues and I want to see educated responses to the issues at hand.

Give me an answer to a problem that doesn't increase government spending, build more bureaucracy, give more power to corporations, and leads to peaceful domestic and international relations, increased equality in the U.S., and I'm totally in. Don't give me talking points or generalizations, give me real news if you're a newspaper. People need real news articles to think on issues and find a way forward. If the news is the "fourth branch of government" as was implied by Madison after writing the constitution, it's no wonder we've got problems with government.

Welcome Home!

2010-08-22T12:38:00.001-07:00

In lieu of children, I've adopted a car. MiniMe! Not sure if that name will stick, but here she is! She's got a personality on her, that's for sure.

Here are the keys:

For comparison, the key on the far left is to a bike lock. The key in the center is the door lock key. The ignition key is on the right.

My mini is a cross between a toy and a bicycle. But it RUNS! A fact that wasn't true for a few months, but lets not get into that...

YEAY!!! A car that a) fits into every little spot that other cars can't fit into b) gets good gas mileage (well, it should, we'll see how it actually works out) and c) will (almost comfortably) fit 5 people, and d) has style!

Inspiration

2010-08-21T15:05:00.001-07:00

I haven't been sewing a lot lately. I used to sew garb for SCA events, but haven't really gotten into medieval "re-creation" (and recreation) in the Boston area. It just isn't the same without all of my friends nearby and there are SO many things to do.

But I've missed sewing. I thought about trying to sew a normal outfit, but it just didn't pique my interest. I debated finding a sheet and creating something, but it seemed like a major undertaking. But THEN, I found this blog. I don't care that I'm copying her, it's a great idea. Basically she takes old, out of date dresses and makes them new again.

I can do that!

So I decided to try. Here's the before picture. I wish I'd taken one with the top buttoned all the way up, but I didn't, so you'll have to imagine. It goes all the way up to the top ("military style" my husband says).

I took about 6 inches off the bottom, and wish I'd been a little more careful about the hem... you'll see on the final picture that it's not *quite* even all the way around. Since my hubby didn't like the collar (I didn't mind it really) I decided to change the look a little. It still doesn't lay right, but here's the "during" shot.

I discovered that I needed to take the sides in, and that the armpit area was difficult to get "just so" as I nipped and tucked. I took the leftover hem and made a sash to go around the waist (and subtly hide the hem issues and eliminate the need to take in the pleated waist. And this is what I came out with!

Now, I'll be the first to tell you that it's not perfect, but I'm actually pretty proud of myself. A project that took less than an hour of work to complete. I don't know how this other blogger manages to do this on $1 a day though. My thrift store of choice is great (a lot of already fitting finds to be found actually) but not as cheep at a single buck. I think I paid $3 for the dress, still a pretty good find. Then I needed thread and buttons. The buttons (for some strange reason) were purple and didn't match.

Unfortunately, the only fabric store near Boston is about a 30 minute drive, so the detour took a bit. I ended up buying imitation pearl buttons after about 20 minutes of staring at all the buttons in the store. I paid a little over $5 for the thread and buttons, bringing the whole project to around $8.

I'm still not sure if I should do something to "fancy up" at least one of the shoulders. I've got a bunch of extra fabric so I tried leaves off the shoulder and miniature fabric roses, but mostly it just looked like a blue corsage. Any ideas anyone?

Double Grr Day

2010-08-18T17:22:00.000-07:00

This morning when I went out to water my garden, I noticed something missing. I hadn't had a chance to take pictures yet, but a vine that had been creeping over our fence turned out to be a concord grape vine. I had a boatload of grapes almost ripe for the picking.

Too bad the neighbors cut it down.

In fact, in preparation of renting out the two apartments they've been converting next door, they killed every single plant in their back yard. It's such a shame, and some of the vine was growing on my side of the fence.

I guess I can't complain too much, considering most of the root ball was on their side of the fence, but a little warning would have been nice. Instead I found plant carnage on my side of the fence.

Next GRRR. I came home and found my housekeeper's son using my laptop. Sorry, but I think it's inappropriate for someone to use my computer without asking first. He's a 6 year old kid, so I can't blame him too much, but I can get upset with his mother for allowing it. I've never needed to password protect my computer, but I'm debating it now. I feel kind of bad for the kid, he went off and played on his mother's brand new iphone after I kicked him off of the computer. The iphone is a whole nother issue...(she did claim in the interview she needed a second job because she was going through a separation and needed money to support her son...)

This almost set me over the top, but rational thought took over. She's now been told specifically that anyone needing my computer needs to ask first. She always follows directions and corrects mistakes when they're made, but problems occur when she isn't given explicit instructions. I don't know, maybe I'm overboard on this issue, but to me it seems like a no-brainer.

But Gerd came home today, so life is much better now. I may be grape-less, and maybe soon housekeeper-less, but I'm no longer husband-less, thank God. Boy have I missed him.

Lessons Learned in Paper Making

2010-08-16T19:42:00.000-07:00

I've wanted to make paper for years. I mean, I first thought about making my own paper before I left for Germany, the first time.

Why haven't I done so already? Probably because YouTube didn't exist back then and I had no idea how to go about it. Then, when I was into my period SCA phase I wanted to learn to make paper using authentic, period ways, and that didn't include paper pulp or blenders.

Now that I'm freed from trying to be historical, and into being practical, I decided to give it a go. I tore up a weekly local paper/advertisement that we get (whether we want it or not) and decided to make paper. Here are the lessons learned:

1) Choose your container carefully. My first attempt included a bucket that had base legs. The base bumped out into the bucket so I didn't have a flat surface to work with. This got in my way a few times when trying to submerge my screen and was generally a huge pain in the butt.

2) Add the dye to the pulp, not the water. My paper is pretty much gray. I later tried to add dye to the pulp and I think it improved a little bit, but it's still pretty gray. I also added a few flower petals, but you can't see much of that either.

3) Have your cloths cut out before you begin. Unless you can do this better than me, you need a different cloth for each piece of paper. This is how you lift the paper from the screen and allow it to dry. When it's dry it should slip free from the fabric easily (or so I'm told, my paper is still drying).

4) I had an aha moment that I wish I'd had the first attempt. If you use a picture frame, your screen will have a perfectly flat side and an inside where the picture usually goes. The pulp goes into the screen like a picture. Put pulp in a tub of water, emerge the screen into the water/pulp, raise it up slowly, and sift the pulp like you would if you were panning for gold, spreading the pulp out evenly. This was the hardest part for me because nothing I saw online clearly showed this. Likely because a person's so busy trying to make the pulp spread evenly that they can't also take a picture at the same time. Not enough hands I guess.

5) DO use a sponge. After you lift the frame from the bucket and drape the frame with your precut fabric, take a sponge and press the water through the screen. A sponge works well because you can wring it out a lot. Messy isn't the right word for this project. Drippy is. It's hard to get the water out of the pulp mixture.

6) Lift the fabric from the screen, not the screen from the fabric. At least this was my experience. I lost some corners trying to lift the screen off rather than do it the other way round.

7) Iron if you don't have kids around. I don't know what some of these people are talking about. I put an old cotton window curtain down, put another layer on time and ironed. Since it's still pretty wet this creates a bunch of steam. This had burn written all over it. Maybe your kids are super well behaved, maybe your iron doesn't spew hot water, but I'd be careful and try this first before presenting it as a kid project. I saw other links that didn't use irons, one YouTube broadcast with kids as instructors, and they used a towel and rolling pin instead.

8) This project took about 1 hour to do 4 small pieces of paper and 3 larger pieces of paper, and then write about it.

9) Use junk mail/recyclables. You might as well, it'll save a bunch of chemical processing, and it really doesn't take much to make paper. I'm guessing one neighborhood newspaper (which is pretty small, but not totally minuscule) would make 8 to 10 pieces of 8 X 10 paper.

10) Imperfection is okay. At least that's what I'm telling myself since it took a while to get the hang of it. Maybe you'll be a paper natural, if you are, good for you. I had to learn from failure. But it was fun, and worth the time spent figuring it out. I'm not looking forward to cleaning up the mess...

when blending pulp, put a lid on the blender...

What Have You Been Up To?

2010-08-16T16:30:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I've been tired lately, but probably for good cause. Here are a few pictures of what I've been up to. (Notice the finished paper in the background?)

Picking vegetables from the garden.

Making tomato sauce (and freezing it since I found out mushrooms cause botulism if not pressure canned :( Mushrooms and wine were my only non-garden ingredients.

Plus

Plus

Plus

Equals:

Then I had to deal with the cucumbers! Just in case you can't tell, I have a HUGE bag of cucumbers.

And after a few hours

I actually made more jars of pickles than shown, but I gave three jars away and one didn't seal properly so it's in the refrigerator (and I am NOT going to show a picture of the inside of my refrigerator anytime soon). I still have a huge bag of cucumbers. More pickles to follow.

I also managed to sing in a choir concert this weekend, sort through 6 months of mail (don't ask, I don't open mail) and read three books in the past week.

Recipes:

Tomato Sauce:
25 tomatoes of various sizes
Handful of fresh picked basil
About 10 cloves of mini-garlic
Equivalent of about a half normal sized onion
salt, pepper, oregano to taste (I didn't grow oregano this year)
Mushrooms
Red Wine

Cut vines out of tomatoes and immerse in boiling water until skins pull free. *INCREDIBLY HANDY HINT* I just learned that you can freeze tomatoes as they get ripe until you get enough tomatoes. Don't bother blanching and peeling, when you pull them out of the freezer, run warm water over them and they will peal without this whole process. You won't be able to squeeze the seeds out though, so it could take longer. Maybe you could let the tomatoes defrost naturally after pealing them. I digress...

Put tomatoes in an ice water bath (or sort of cold in my case) until you can handle them and take off the skins. Smush out the juice (and set aside if you want to make tomato juice) and put tomatoes in a sauce pan along with all the other ingredients (add whatever you want, I've seen carrots and bell peppers added in many recipes). Simmer your sauce until it smells and tastes just the way you want it. You don't have to, but at this point if you want "normal" looking sauce, put it in the blender or food processor.

Scoop out serving sizes into freezer bags, label bags and stick them in the freezer. Don't bother with a pressure canner unless you don't have the freezer space, tomato stuff freezes great.

For the juice. Put the squished stuff through a food mill in the smallest strainer size. Heat until boiling, allow it to reduce by half. At this point you can either strain it again or leave it as is. Can if you want, but only if you put a tablespoon of lemon juice in each pint. This can be done in a water bath, but it's just as easy to freeze.

Pickles:
East German Recipe

This recipe is supposed to make "6 jars" but jar size differed. My mom came over to help so she determined how much we would actually use. I think we halfed this.

A bunch of cucumbers
2 1/2 liters water (10.56 cups)
1/2 liter 5% vinegar (2.11 cups) West Germany uses 10% acidity but it can't be found in the US anyway.
225 grams sugar (1/2 pound, or 1 cup)
2 hands salt (about 1 1/2 TBSP)
10 tsp mustard seeds
5 onions
5 tsp whole black pepper
Dill (we put in about 1 TBSP for each quart)

Prepare your jars by sanitizing them and keeping them warm.

Fill jars with 1 tsp mustard, 1/2 onion, 1 tsp black pepper, 1 TBSP Dill (or a sprig of fresh dill that we couldn't find nearby). Fill jar with cucumbers (ideally just the right size cucumbers, but otherwise chop them up into the right sized pieces).

Make a brine with water, vinegar, sugar and salt. Heat to boiling, then cover cucumbers with a brine sauce.

Let sit for 48 hours. You can either leave these in the refrigerator for 2 weeks or process them in a water bath for storage. We processed. Even if you process you should wait 2 weeks to eat them, so I have no idea how they taste. This recipe calls for far less vinegar than most American counterparts, so they won't be as sour as most U.S. pickles (which makes sense since my East German is always complaining about our pickles being too sour).

Don't Wanna

2010-08-08T07:04:00.000-07:00

It could be that yesterday was so busy that I don't want to do anything this morning. My mom and I painted the entryway, all before 11:00. We went to Ikea and bought a new mattress (among other things :) I rushed off to my new herbalist where she asked me two hours of questions about my health. I got home and rearranged the entry, the kitchen drawers, and spent about an hour trying to get my new mattress onto the bed frame.

Today I was supposed to go to church. In fact, I'm already dressed and ready to go. I don't want to. I don't know why I don't want to, I love church. It's probably just what I need, but I'm still on the couch. In fact, it's healing Sunday, so it'd be a good day to be there (even if I don't know the choir pieces). Yep, still on the couch.

Later today I'm going to a cheese tasting event, and then pickling cucumbers at a friends house and sharing dinner. Before dinner I'm supposed to go to yoga and buy some fresh dill on the way over to my friend's house. I also *need* to make tomato sauce today too (the tomatoes are crying for attention, although not rotten yet). And I need to prepare lessons for Monday.

I think maybe I'm trying to pack too much into this weekend. I wouldn't be surprised if the only thing I manage to do is go over to my friend's house today. I wish I could just go back to bed. (I'd consider it if the neighbors weren't doing construction on our common wall right now (they started at 7:30 this morning...).

Field Trip

2010-08-05T13:19:00.000-07:00

One of my 10 students make it to our school field trip today. I honestly thought we'd have a better turn out than that, but, no. The Spanish group had 5 student (out of 12) so at least we had a small group.

We took a ferry to George's Island and had a barbecue there. I won't get into the logistics, or lack of logistics, or multiple trips to buy supplies before the ferry took off. I will say the BBQ was tastey, if a bit heavy on my pocket. Until I mentioned bringing chicken it was going to be hamburgers or hotdogs only. Since I can't stomach either I volunteered to bring shish kababs. And corn to grill.

My boss was surprised that the corn was as good as it was, and that it went over well. Apparently nobody here grills corn? I love grilled corn...

On the trip back we sat on the lower deck and watched the yachts go by. My one student who showed up talked about how she wants to go on a plane someday. She would love to travel, but she's never been outside of Massachusetts. If she could go anywhere, she said, she'd go to Puerto Rico to see where her family is from and maybe meet some of her extended relatives. That would cost $1000 for her and her daughter, a figure that seems unreachable to her.

Another student lost her shoe on the way home. Her $20 flip flops that she'd only worn twice. She surprised me with her quick acceptance of the loss. She tied a plastic bag on her foot and prepared to walk to the T station to go home. I volunteered to take her home so she wouldn't have to walk around town with a bag over her foot (although I thought that was pretty creative thinking). Wow, she lived on the way opposite side of the world. I'm amazed that she makes it to school every day, it takes her an hour and 45 minutes every day to drop her son off at daycare and take the bus into school.

Sometimes I get frustrated that we're working in the summer, that attendance is bad, that we don't have any money for supplies or books. But I wish for the world that these students could make it in life. They're all on welfare and they get subsidized food, daycare, housing. They can't can't quite picture a life with a regular job or a regular income, although they'd like to be successful.

So even though our trip got off to a rough start, and ended with one less shoe, it was a good time. I think it's important to get to know the student's beyond the classroom. I'm just glad I didn't have to eat hamburgers to do so.

Thoughts on Fuel

2010-08-03T21:37:00.001-07:00

Not fuel, like the petroleum we put in our cars, Fuel like the documentary on biofuel.

It meanders through the environmental issues, and sort of has a focus (on fuel) but it's broader than fuel alone, if you're thinking only gas. It's more about sustaining our way of life using alternative means of energy production. Overall I liked the presentation of information, although it is a bit emotional and I call into question a few facts. At times there are considerations not taken into account. The conclusion takes an eternity.

But, because it does wander along, you get a clear idea of the documentarists' dream for the future. With this, he claims, all of our energy needs can be met without the use of non-renewable resources (I think he's forgetting that metals are non-renewable resources, but that's an argument for later).

Biofuel
Biomass
Hybrids/Plug-ins
Wind
Solar
Public Transportation
Energy efficiency

And how should this happen? First, he says, change your light bulb. Next, he claims that we should pester our politicians, even when it seems like it's not getting anywhere. But he's optimistic that we can change the world into a sustainable future.

I'm not sure I'm so sure it can be done at this point. Isn't it too late? Should it already be happening? Isn't the world in the clutches of a greedy group of bloodsuckers?

The knowledge that it CAN be done doesn't really alleviate my concern that it WILL be done. I alternate between deciding to drop out of mainstream society, running the risk that the world will be falling apart around me, or attempting to change society.

Honestly, I think it's a bit of both. Obviously we should try to change the system we're in. Creating a new system includes chaos. Still, there are those out there that think (somewhat justifiably) that once the current system falls, those that live on the outskirts of society will be around to watch the dust settle.

Fuel's creator paints a picture of New York City with green roofs and vertical farms, of public transportation becoming the stable of daily traffic, of green energy jobs reinvigorating the economy. It's a beautiful picture, no doubt. But when does a utopia become a distopia?

Perhaps we'll get there someday. We'll need to make changes someday, it's inevitable. But even if we look at the dream, or hope for the future, we need to consider that the evil bloodsuckers are still out there. And they still have more secured power and control in the current system. I don't expect them to go down without a fight. Perhaps they won't go down at all, just fund our new ventures.

I get very afraid when I consider bloodsuckers running green technology. Bloodsuckers, by nature, aren't about building a sustainable model of money making. They're about getting that little bit more, and that little bit more comes from somewhere.

Fuel for all of it's optimism and hope doesn't offer a realistic means to combat the bloodsuckers. Maybe Fuel's author knows just as well as I do that the mighty fall on their own accord, under their own weight, just as well as they do when they're cut down. It's the average man (or woman, speaking neutral here) that must maneuver around the giant, and stay out of the way when the giant trips and falls.

Mostly Local?

2010-08-02T17:33:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm trying to classify this meal. Perhaps I should say conscientiously cooked?

The bread is homemade sourdough (and totally delicious). I put a second loaf in the upright freezer, which is filling up nicely. I used King Arthur's flour (produced in New York within a 500 mile radius of here), Florida Sugar Chrystals, Sea Salt (from who knows where) and a wee bit of corn starch (to brown the top). So, mostly local.

The Rainbow Chard was grown in my garden, but I made a red wine sauce for it...from a bottle of wine from Chile. Whoops, there went my local. With large distribution of the wine though, perhaps the carbon cost isn't as bad as it sounds (but I'm probably just justifying the use of a pretty tasty red).

The mustard, not local.

The butter, made by hand by my fabulous husband. He used leftover whipping cream from our last batch of strawberry ice cream (I love homemade ice cream). It was organic, but not necessarily local (I've yet to find a truly local source of milk/cream that's CONVENIENT to get...this is probably my own laziness for not finding a milk buying club).

The Brats are from Trader Joe's. They're not local, but they are raised organically and hormone free, or so the package says. They sure tasted good.

While I didn't get through the whole meal (eyes are always bigger than my stomach) it was a nice way to end the day. I was debating a frozen dinner but while watering the garden I realized I needed to do something with the overgrown chard. I've frozen a lot more chard, and I have no idea how it will taste when thawed. Any storage thoughts for Rainbow Chard? It's never my favorite meal, but it is pretty healthy. The plants are nowhere near done producing yet, so I've got more time to think of chard alternatives...

Other tidbits of the day:

* I finally got the junk hauled from our yard! Yeay!!! He missed a few things, so I called him back and left a message (which he told me to do if he didn't get everything). So it's not quite over yet, but it's a lot better.
* My father, Mr. Antisocial, just asked to friend me on Facebook. That's not fair, my father isn't antisocial, he's just a loner who doesn't seek social circumstances, which makes Facebook an unexpected move on his part. I'm wondering if I have any old posts I should delete!
* I finally realized that my email church bulletins have been going to my bulk email account. I sent myself pictures and could only find them in the bulk mailbox and happened to notice an email from my minister sandwiched between an ad for viagra and a breast enhancement offer. No wonder I never knew when choir was canceled
* I just began my first experiment in paper making! More on that later...if it turns out like paper.

Joe's

2010-07-31T18:29:00.000-07:00

I can't say it's in honor of Trader Joe's founder's death, but I did give a thought to the Aldi bigwig this weekend when I broke my own package rule. I've been trying to stay away from packaged foods, but I've decided that me eating a balanced meal that comes from a package is better than the alternatives. Alternative 1) I don't eat anything until I'm starving, and then consume whatever sweets or carbs I have in the house. Alternative 2) I go out to eat or order food in. Alternative 3) I don't eat at all.

It's nice having my garden, but I need to eat more of my own vegetables (although I've put away a bit of broccoli, chard, potatoes, and spinach). I'm in the middle of a couple of loaves of sourdough bread (they didn't rise very well though because it's not very warm today). And I've now added my newest "pet" in the quest for local foods...a pineapple plant. I have no idea how you seed a pinaple plant, but Trader Joe's had pineapple plants for sale, so I bought one. It tells me that in 4-6 months I'll have a pineapple (all I have to do is ensure it's temperature doesn't drop below 70 or go above 90. This is definitely an indoor plant.

No I wasn't paid for this blog (but wouldn't it be nice if I was?) Anyway, I just happened to have gone to TJ's today and am under no pressure or $ to advertise anything.

Bachelorette

2010-07-28T17:14:00.000-07:00

Okay, so this is where I feel happy to be alone for a few days and then miserable for almost 3 weeks. When my husband goes on long trips I don't usually mind the first couple of days. I get to do what I want, eat when I want to, drive the car... but that lasts about 2 days. I hate going to be without my husband. I hope he has a good trip, but that he misses me in a few days too.

How Does Your Garden Grow?

2010-07-25T16:41:00.000-07:00

I can't complain, at least about my garden, we've had a nice season so far. Over the past few weeks I've picked about 8 tomatoes, with many more ripening on the fine. We've had 3 heads of broccoli, and more is still growing. Our spinach gave up a little early, but I collected enough to freeze about two cups of leafy greens and make two quiches. Our beans were doing very well last week and I got about 4 cups of beans before the cucumbers and tomatoes started to take over. They're still growing, but I'm not sure how many more beans we'll get. I've had enough Rainbow Chard to make at least 3 meals and set 2 cups aside in the freezer. We've also had about 4 HUGE cucumbers (that I still need to make pickles out of). I just harvested our garlic, and it's tiny, but it DID grow, despite being transplanted and grown by someone who didn't know to cut the flowers off early...

Here's a bigger overview of our garden, please ignore the pile of junk that's still eagerly awaiting being taken to a dump. I really will get around to calling a trash removal service one of these days...

(Our tomatoes are taking over the world...sort of)

Today we picked a few potatoes and our first ear of corn. Visiting my mother's house I got a little paranoid that squirrels would come snatch our corn away before we got a taste so I went ahead and picked an ear, even though I wasn't sure it was ready.

So this isn't the exact corn we cooked, I forgot to take a picture before hastily striping off the husk. I couldn't wait to see if we had real corn. We did! It was beautiful (even if a little small).

(This picture highlights our potatoes, newly knotwood free. We spend a couple of hours deknotwooding the back yard)

So what do you do with your bounty? Well, cook of course. I made a 95% local dinner tonight. The pork is from a local farm. In the vegetable mix there's a bit of squash we had delivered from Boston Organics (but it also comes from a local farm) and a few white beans I picked up from a group of Mennonite women at the local farmer's market (along with some of their "farm fresh" eggs). Other than the spices everything is from a 100 mile radius, and either bought outside of a regular grocery store or grown in our garden. Delicious!

Point of No Return

2010-07-23T04:33:00.000-07:00

So, I realized after logging into my blog account, that the last post I wrote was of me struggling. I'm fine, which I'm sure you already knew. Everyone other than me seems to know that I'll bounce back okay. I, on the other hand, always worry that I've reached a tipping point.

Somehow I get scared that it *won't* actually be alright again. That I'll crack for real one of these times, and I won't be fixable. It's not exactly like I've been emotionally stable my whole life. I mean, I look back sometimes and cringe.

But slowly I'm starting to realize that it's not like that. Time and again I'm fine the next day, or the day after. I was talking to my dad last week and he said to me that he's surprised at how normal I've turned out. Of course he says that "considering you were raised by your mother". Sorry Mom, this is Dad we're talking about. He listed the things I've bounced back from, like, you know war and about 20 car accidents, and reminded me that somehow I have the emotional fortitude to recover.

So yep, I struggle sometime. And I use every tool I can to help me through difficult times (food, yoga, church, etc.) but in the end I'm going to be okay. There isn't a point of no return. I might wish that I wasn't such a roller coaster, but at least I don't have to worry that I'll go off the tracks.

Relapse

2010-07-13T21:59:00.000-07:00

Well, it's 2am, I'm exhausted and can't sleep. I've had my emotional meltdown and my neck muscles are so tight it hurts to touch shoulders.

I can only surmise that this is a PTSD relapse. Not that I'm ever 100% good, but I've been okay, at least at 85% or so. I've been far, far better over the last few months than I have in the past few days.

I could say it's the fender bender I was in last week, perhaps the bump, little that it was, started me on the downward spiral. I have no idea what number this makes my list of accidents. I'm guessing we're now somewhere in the 20s, it's got to at least be over 15.

It could also be a more emotional trigger. 10 out of 14 staff members were laid off last week, and my job is only 80% secure (to pessimistic me I take that as 50/50). I just finished packing up all of my stuff from New Mexico, which makes Boston a lot more permanent. That isn't the comforting feeling I'd been hoping for.

Then there's the uplifting news that my cousin is having a baby, just when I find out that I'm not pregnant, once again. And also there's the stomach problems that have returned as soon as I restarted the herbal supplements I'd hoped weren't making sick (our last ditch effort before IVF).

It could be the stress of starting out a new summer session, trying to plan lessons that will engage students who don't show up during a regular school year, and a boss who gives lip service to supporting my ideas but is, in reality so bogged down in dealing with the layoffs there's not much he CAN do.

Perhaps it's the stress over getting my new car registered, in a different state so that we can get a title, and the length of time it's taking to get the kinks worked out. Or the paperwork for the accident, or any number or items on my to do list.

It's not like I've had much time to destressify either. Last weekend wasn't really the anniversary weekend we'd been hoping for. An annoying house guest and the untimely news of my cousin's bundle of joy made our first anniversary similar to our wedding, in love but pretty sad. [Now before I sound like I'm complaining too much, I've got an awesome husband who I love very much, and I'm so happy we got married and that we've been able to spend a wonderful year together. It's just that the moment's your supposed to cherish and remember forever seem to be ill fated. I highlight the issue only to say that it's possible that an anniversary gone array could also be a stressor]

There might have been earlier warning signs. I certainly have been forgetting to pack my lunch or take my vitamins. My patience has been a little stretched lately. I'm scheduled every night of the week for one thing or another, and today I didn't even get home from work until 7:30.

So I run through the checklist.

Getting exercise? Well, I did bike to work yesterday, but it's been a while since I did yoga. Do I try to leave work at 3:30 tomorrow to get to yoga by 4. Leave yoga by 5:30 to get to Stammtish by 6. Leave Stammtisch by 7 to get home by 8 so I can meet Thea and unload the trailer and find her a parking spot? Nope. Not getting enough physical exercise.

Getting food? New school location includes no food places nearby and no cafeteria. We've got a kitchen, but we can't leave food in the refrigerator overnight because some of the students steal anything edible, or so they say. 4 days in a row I've forgotten my lunch. Yesterday I bought two Reece's Peanut Butter Cups for lunch, sadly it was one of the better vending machine options. Nope. Need to make sure I've got food. Went shopping yesterday at 9:00 to ensure I had good lunch options and still forgot to bring my lunch today.

Getting sleep? Well, I'm up writing this aren't I. This is the single ptsd symptom that is easily identifiable. Totally exhausted but cannot fall asleep. Mind keeps spinning, usually on things that I'm trying not to worry about. It's also the symptom I can do the least about. I tried medicine once, still couldn't sleep, but added hallucinations to the mix. Nope, this one only fixes itself when everything else is okay.

Getting counseling? Nope. I actually pulled up our healthcare referral website yesterday hoping to find someone but I couldn't mess around with it long enough to find someone before I got pulled into a full day's worth of planning meetings. It's been too long. And up until recently I've been pretty proud of how well I was doing on my own. Just goes to show I shouldn't get too confident. Ever since I switched insurance I just haven't been able to find anyone to connect to. I've learned, like yoga classes, not all mental health professionals are created equal.

Knowing what to do doesn't always mean being able to do what's healthy. Somehow though, I've got to force myself to fall asleep tonight before a stressful day tomorrow (and it will be stressful) drives me even deeper over the edge.

In case you were wondering, I'm writing this in the hopes that getting it all out will finally help me sleep. Unfortunately I still can't get myself to keep my eyes closed. It's probably going to be a rough couple of days. Goodnight anyway, hope your sleep is far less disturbed than mine, sleep tight.

Back Home

2010-07-06T18:27:00.000-07:00

Last night I got back from New Mexico, where it was hot and dry, and very dusty. Today in Boston it was hot and humid, and I'd rather deal with the dust.

I managed to get about everything on my list done, except the music and the zoo, but I did manage to sneak in a trip to the biopark. Too bad the miniature trains weren't running. I also pretty much took it easy at the SCA event. It would have been hard not to, cooking was out of the question, we had wind so bad it snapped my pavilion pole. Fortunately I wasn't in it at the time, but the duct tape did add to that SCA charm.

Gerd seemed to enjoy himself. We watched heavy fighting, melees, rapier fighting, grand court. I didn't attend a single class and the siege cooking was over before I had a chance to sign up. There was a phenomenal feast on Saturday night (they buried a cow and a pig and cooked them all day long). No bardic though, only one campfire was allowed due to fires in the area, and tht was reserved for the middle eastern dance party. Oh, and Aerikans enormous donation of alcohol to celebrate his knighting. He held a blender party...totally period margaritas and daiquiris .. :) I didn't last long and went to bed after a well proportioned strawberry daiquiris, but Gerd mentioned someone was carried around on a bed and other funny shenanigans did occur.

So when we got back at midnight I was pretty ready to sleep, except that it's so humid here and I'm not sure the air conditioning makes it to the 3rd floor. It was only when I woke up, or finally gave up trying to sleep, that I realized I had no idea where to go for work today.

Fortunately I chose the right location, although I did have to hang out for 2 hours to wait for my boss to show up, late, extremely late. And his boss, the soon to be president of the Boston branch of our organization was unpacking all of the kitchen boxes I'd packed before my trip. I ended up repacking all 8 bins with archived student files.

So real life fades back in again. Sigh...I really miss that dust.

Packed!

2010-06-29T22:10:00.001-07:00

Although most of my plans have gone about like all of my plans (ie. not as planned) I have managed to reduce my random stuff in storage by about half and trash or donate the rest. Now I just have to figure out where to put it all... There was still a lot more than I had hoped to have.

Saturday we couldn't go see the Gorge because Chama is burning so the steam train is on a break for fire season. That's okay, it was nice to hang out with friends anyway. We went shopping :) I got to go to all of my favorite stores that don't exist in Boston, especially CostPlus World Market and Jackalope (no, I'm not paid to say that...I just happen to really like the stores).

Sunday I spent about an hour looking for my keys so I missed church. I did manage to go to the lavender festival.

Monday I got my first look at the storage unit and about freaked out. I spent about 3 hours tearing apart the storage unit in the sunniest part of the day and was almost wiped out before Thea came to help me organize. We spent another couple of hours putting things to rights and got done JUST before the rain came. It's not just fire season, it's also monsoon season. It had stopped though by the time I went to Irish set dance.

Today I finished the storage unit and got my artwork shipped to Boston. Although Thea's driving my stuff out for me, it's an uncovered, open trailer and neither of us thought that it would be alright to put my paintings with the rest of my boxes. I was supposed to go watch HEPA, which is a Polynesian festival with hula lessons and a renowned Hawaiian band, but I was too whiped for any of that. Instead I went back to Thea's and sorted through garb for the even this weekend. Turns out I've got a bunch of stuff to wear, but Gerd doesn't.

So tomorrow I'm sewing. I'll go down to the Gila wilderness on Thursday night, via Silver City, if all goes well. I'm really looking forward to the springs, even if it does mean a long drive and a lot of naked people.

Well, that's about it right now. It's a pretty productive trip so far, and yet it has also been relaxing. New Mexico is always beautiful, but it's particularly beautiful this time of year (at least in my opinion). I'm trying to soak it all up as much as I can.

Flying

2010-06-25T11:29:00.000-07:00

YEAY!!!

I get to go to New Mexico, I get to go to New Mexico!!!!

In less than 10 hours I'll be back where I belong, in the desert. Well, at least I'll be there for 10 days!

Saturday: Train ride along the Gorge (I think)
Sunday: Visit my last church, buy Gold Rush tea, Jackalope open? Lavendar Festival @ Los Poblanos
Monday: Pack boxes, Irish Set Dancing
Tuesday: Pack boxes, HULA music and dance at AMP
Wednesday: Hot Springs!
Thursday: Sew like a banshee. Blues concert at the Outpost
Friday: Pick up hubby, go to zoo? then move out to camp site, Toga party
Saturday: Battlemoor, do Siege cooking, attend belly dance workshop, drumming class, watch heavy weapons tourney, join in at the game tent, stargazing, and Hafla party
Sunday: Battlemoor, card weaving, watch more heavy weapons, attend court (watch SCA brother get knighted), Outlands party
Monday: Pack up and go home!

Yes, I'm aware that I'm going to be more tired after vacation than before...but it'll be worth it!

Conversation with an Immigrant

2010-06-25T06:33:00.000-07:00

I often get so caught up in my own point of view that, even when I'm trying to remain open, I often fail to see the other side of the argument. I was once fairly conservative, have a ultraconservative father, and once I was won over to the liberal side I discounted many ideas I considered ideal, but flawed.

Helping those in need for instance. Heaven forbid you start a conversation with my father about welfare. Anybody, he thinks, on welfare is a worthless human being. The government shouldn't help those that can't help themselves. I of course, working with children from all backgrounds, see a different story. Maybe they should pull themselves up by the bootstraps, but poverty has a tendency to beget more poverty. It's hard to improve your life if a) you've never seen success stories outside of military or sports advancements or b) you social and education skills are so low that you remain disadvantaged.

BUT, on Tuesday night I had a conversation with a first generation immigrant, and one off-handed comment that she made keeps on percolating through my brain. Her fiance who is doing doctoral work in Germany wants to come to the states and she's concerned that his name, Jafar, will cause red flags to go up, even though he isn't Muslim. When asked what they would do if he was denied a visa she said she just didn't know. She wants to live in the U.S. because it is so open and accepting.

Open? She's worried about her fiance's visa because of a name, and a heritage. But yes, she replies, the US is far more open than Germany, or in her native Albania. Within her 20 years in the country she's managed to study hard and graduate from Princeton. Although she could live in Germany, her station would probably not have improved. She'd remain at immigrant status, probably indefinitely, and her children would also be considered immigrants. She's a U.S. citizen now and, although she immigrated here as a child, she views herself as an American.

And this is the comment that stuck with me. Perhaps, she says, America is so open because it's based on merit. If, she says, we had universal healthcare and all the other perks that Germany has, we wouldn't feel so benevolent to immigrants. Because everyone has to, and can, work to get ahead, discrimination falls away in light of an individual's abilities. If you can make it, she says, your unusual name is no longer a big deal.

I wonder how her brother feels. He apparently didn't make it through the system unscathed. He graduated from a GED program (one of the better ones) and is now trying to put his life together better.

So I value her conversation, and wonder if a part of our openness is based on merit. But I do have to add that I think her case is not necessarily the norm for most immigrants. I think she's got the advantage. First, even if her parents weren't well educated (which I suspect they were) they placed a value on education. Second, she appears white and speaks English fluently with only a slight accent. Finally, her parents came here legally, which many immigrant child have no choice or say about, yet must live within a vastly different lifestyle as a result of their parent's secrecy.

To be clear, I'm not endorsing illegal immigration, just suggesting that it's far more complex, with far more rippling effects than is often discussed openly.

I think what I got from the conversation, after a lot of thought, is that she's right. We want a society that is open, and based on merit. We value self-reliance as one of the greatest assets a person can have. But if we expect people to pull themselves up, we have to accept that there are those who can't, or won't rise to the occasion. In fact, we have to assume that MOST people won't make it to the top, because success in this country is a pyramid.

So, my liberal side comes out once again. If many people aren't going to make it, even to middle class, shouldn't we ensure that everyone has at least minimal degree of safety and security? Or would that just mean more people would continue to move here? I don't know the answers, but I think the idea is worthy of rumination.