An Enjoyable Distraction

I've spent the last, who knows long, trying to get my life a little greener.  I'm trying to grow more of my own food (with mixed results) and buy more food locally through the farmer's market, or through my biweekly organic box.  We've also, thankfully, had a new shop come in around the corner that sells local organic meets and staples.

But none of that talks about clothes.

I wouldn't say I'm the most fashionable person, but I would admit to liking clothes.  When shopping, I've long since given up on finding anything make in the states.  On a semi-recent shopping trip to Marshalls and Macy's I bought a whole bunch of new underthings, and overthings.  It's not that I love shopping...but I do love getting new clothes.

Which is why I felt a little gauche this past weekend in New York City.  Most of the people attending the birthday party we went to were pretty average people, for people who make a lot more money than we do (or at least than I do anyway).  They all talked about their purchases at this store, or that shop.  I tried not to drool.  A few of the party attendees were not your typical people.  They were into Mode, not fashion.  They had purses worth more than my entire wardrobe, and shoes that had names of designers.  I tried not to drool any more.

I walked away thinking out how much I would like some designer clothes, who I could budget some items in (like that amazing little coat, or a nice handbag, or a pair of designer shoes).  The whole experience in NYC was like a great movie filled with effective commercials.

I'm back, and I'm still trying not to think about clothes.  It's pretty interesting how I can try to justify spending money on a fancy outfit (maybe the expensive stuff is local?).  But in the end, I know that my priorities are pretty good.  I'd rather either invest the money, or give the money to charity before spending it on something that will fade out of "mode" in a year.  But I have to admit, a little piece of me wouldn't mind that lifestyle.  At least the whole thing was an enjoyable distraction (and maybe next month I will go shopping...for a few small things).  Ah well, you can see my little inner demons come out, lets see which priority wins.

Hashimoto's Disease

I don't think I've mentioned on here yet that I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder.  It's not serious, that's what everyone at the doctor's office keeps saying anyway.  After all, all you have to do is take thyroid medicine for the rest of your life and you should be fine.

It does explain why I was so tired for a while, and why I was pretty blue.  It also likely explains the fertility issues (to a point).  I've done enough research now to know that thyroid medicine may not make my symptoms go away forever, but I've been lucky, the drugs have worked amazingly well for me.

Ever since the start of the school year, which is always exhausting and hectic (for students, parents and teachers alike) I've noticed that I've been able to keep up.  I have a clear mind, I'm not as stressed, less prone to panic, and more able to do more things.  That doesn't mean I don't come home and completely collapse some days.  I'm trying to figure out if the days that I don't want to do anything are just normal, or if I'm still getting over myself.  I mean, my body attacks my thyroid, the medicine replaces the missing thyroid juice, but I'm still fighting against myself.

I've followed a homesteading blog for a while, and the author has recently posted an article about her battle with Hashimotos.  She appears to be allergic to the medicine so she's gone the natural remedy route.  After we finish trying to conceive I might be tempted to try some of the same things (but perhaps while using the medicine too).  Right now I'm just enjoying being a bit more like myself again.

Right now I'm trying to catch up on my winter preparations.   I'm afraid I'm desperately behind.  I managed to can some marinara sauce last weekend on Saturday (on Sunday a friend and I went to Six Flags and giggled like teenagers as we waited for the front seat of each roller coaster).  I'll be away the next two weekends too, first to New York for a friend's birthday party and then to the Berkshires for my 3rd installment of Permaculture.

Hopefully I can keep my energy level up!  Anyway I'm trying to stay positive.  It is nice to know that there really was something wrong with me, I wasn't just crazy.  Now onto figuring out what that means for me for the future...

Goodbye Friend

It's really no surprise that one of the phases of grief is denial.  When someone is gone, we don't miss them if they're off to the supermarket or the movies.  We just wait for them to come home.  It's even easier to dwell in denial when someone lives further away.  I mean, I love my grandfather, but I didn't speak to him everyday when he was alive.  For months I kept having to remind myself that he really was gone.  I still forget sometimes.

So it doesn't seem real yet that Bettina isn't around anymore.  She was doing pretty good a few months ago.  Sure, she was on oxygen, and I did know how quickly a person can go when they just aren't getting enough air, but she was so sure she was going to get better.  And she was so young, too young, to have to deal with death.  Diagnosed with breast cancer at 37, a recurrence at 40, another recurrence at 42.  She lived the expected 5 years.  And that just sucks.

You have to understand that Bettina was not someone you would expect to fade quietly.  She was the clown, the crazy lady who drank beer while in hospice and had a going away snow tubing party.  Somehow she just GLOWED with life.  No really, her brother has a picture with the light shining behind her, and that's really what she was like all the time, shiny.

I'm not really sure how she would want to be remembered.  She didn't want to die, so it was hard to talk about honoring her life.  From knowing her, I would imagine she'd like something like a round a beer and a newly planted tree, or an annual naked run through the woods on her birthday (in winter).  She loved nature more than most people, and she could keep even the least resilient plants alive despite a pretty mobile lifestyle.


So cheers, Bettina.  This beer's for you.  Safe travels to your new home.  We love you.

Auto Pilot

Well, not much has been happening lately, but the world keeps spinning 

I love my Permaculture class.  We learned about making Food Forests this weekend, which got me to thinking about buying some vacation property on which to plant things, like PawPaw trees and American Currents, and groundnut plants... 

Financially though, not yet.  And really, not yet because we're still not sure where we want to be.  Here's some irony for you.  Gerd doesn't want to leave Boston for at least another year, likely two, but it'll take that amount of time to save enough money to put a down payment on a small piece of land (if we're careful) but by then we might not need a downpayment because we could be somewhere else.  He'd prefer Africa or Europe, I'd prefer Glens Falls or Albuquerque. 

I don't know, we're just kind of stuck right now.  Not quite sure yet what's going to unstick us.

Insomnia

I can't sleep.  I'm not sure if it's because a) I drank half a cup of chai at 5:00, b) I've had a splitting headache for the past 4 days due to allergies, c) I had a terrible day at work and am wondering if I'm in the right career (again), or d) my new thyroid medicine is keeping me awake.  Probably a combination of all four.

I really didn't want to have to call in sick today.  I don't even know WHO to call in sick too.  My boss is on vacation, his boss is on vacation, the emergency contact number is someone I've never met before and wouldn't be able to do anything about my absence anyway.  At around 4:00 this morning, after giving up my 3rd attempt at falling asleep (I'd already tried reading, meditating, watching TV, writing down my thoughts in a journal, praying, laying down on the sofa, surfing the web, and drinking water...didn't dare try to take more headache medicine) anyway, after all of that I made a vow that I would go into work for at least a half day.  I mean, if you can't sleep, what's the point of staying home anyway?  Except that my head is still killing me, I can't focus on objects (the screen is a bit blurry as I write) and I feel like I'm about to crash any moment now.  I have a feeling that if I actually tried to teach anything I would come out like the teachers on the Peanuts movies...blah blah blah blah blah.  Although, I am able to write this, so maybe I'll be okay after all?  Hmm, 2 more hours to contemplate that.  Maybe I can get into the doctor's office and get some real allergy medicine, this prescription strength stuff doesn't seem to be prescription strength.

Another Blog

I decided I might just keep my attempts at food preservation on another blog.  I tend to put personal stuff here, and while I'm pretty open about myself, I don't share the link to my blog too much.  If someone happens upon me, fine, but the writing on this blog is about me owning up to what I'm feeling and how I'm doing and what I'm into.  But my other blog will be more streamlined to the food issues that I'm so into right now.

If you're interested in my efforts to preserve the harvest I can be found at The Prosperous Pantry.

The Impossible Dream

I frequently have harebrained ideas. This one is no different than the other harebrained ideas, but lets see if I can actually follow through on a crazy idea.

I want to put away food for the entire winter. I want to pretend that I'm a colonist that has limited access to trade goods and has stocked up everything that I need for the harsh, Massachusetts winter. I realize that I'll be using modern technology, in the forms of a freezer and pressure canner, but the idea will be the same...stock up or go without.

I'm a little late in the game. Otherwise I'd already have strawberries canned or frozen, but I'm not too late to try.

I've divided my foods into 4 categories: Frozen, Canned, Dried, and Cellar. In addition I hope to start some salad greens and spinach indoors to add some fresh stuff over the winter. By winter I mean December through March, although it really should be a longer period. I would think there wouldn't really be enough to harvest in March to get you through April, but 4 months of stockpiling is quite enough. I figure I've got 121 breakfasts, 121 lunches, 121 dinner, and 242 snacks to account for, with only 3 1/2 months to start stocking up.

Why, might be a good question.

First, I'm dedicated to the idea of eating locally and environmentally friendly meals. If I buy stuff out of season either I'm getting it from someone far away, somewhere that uses energy for hothouses, or someone else has had the burden of storing my food for me all winter and therefore has probably increased the price to account for energy costs.

I also think it will be a learning experience. Ideally I'd be growing all my own food, but as I noted earlier, my garden hasn't been as supervised as it should have, and definitely wouldn't get me through the seasons. Figuring out what I really need throughout the winter will be help during the planning stages of next year's garden. What I don't grow myself I'll buy locally from farmer's markets or local farms, which will also help me learn more about the local foods community around me.

Finally, I could use a challenge that doesn't involve students, attempts at fertility, or house construction. My acupuncturist told me to do something I love, and I love knowing where my food comes from and feeling like I'm living the way I want to live. I have very little hope that I will actually succeed entirely, considering this is my first time trying this, but I will do my best to do as good a job as I possibly can. If nothing else, it will be an interesting experiment in estimating and storage capacity.