Forever Ago

Okay,

So I haven't blogged in, well, what seems like forever.  What can I say?  Anyone who didn't already know, yup, we're pregnant.  First I was just too tired to blog, and then I had a new job and was too busy AND too tired to blog, and then I just got introverted.

I suppose I'm only blogging now because I had a sweetened ice tea with dinner (caffeine AND sugar...not smart considering how much trouble I've had sleeping this whole time).  News you might NOT have heard, is that we know we're having twin boys.  Sigh.  I really wanted at least 1 girl.  Don't get me wrong, I'm sure I'll fall right in love with whatever babies I get, but I've had a girl's name picked out since I was 12.  You never know, maybe we'll decide to have more kids, but really we'd planned on this just being it.  So I suppose it's just the feeling of finality of it all, that I won't get that girl someday that makes me a little sad.  Well, that and double strength hormones.

Also newsworthy, if not already posted or figured out, I've got a family living in our upstairs bedroom.  While I don't regret the offer, I'm getting ready for them to move on...just so I can start rearranging the house.  No nesting happening here yet, and I'm patiently biding my time until the end of May when I get my house back.  There are doorways to move, and walls to construct, and lots and lots of trim to either replace or paint.

The house itself has been a bit of drama.  With chipped lead paint, and half finished renovations, we've been debating what we're going to do.  Fleeing was my first instinct.  At first I was head strung about going back to New Mexico for a while, now I'm not so sure again (but then again, it's warmer outside again...I'm sure the discussion will be revisited when it snows again)  Moving really isn't a realistic option right now anyway.  Our unfinished projects will take at least a year to catch up on, and I'm only talking about the projects we've already begun.

Our next house will be different I swear. Our next house will not require any walls to be constructed or moved.  We will not have shady electrical work or cracked pipes.  We will not have period woodwork that is in terrible shape and would take years to repair.  Hmmm, perhaps I'm nesting in another way.  It's just that I'm not very happy in this house right now.

I've finally figured out what I really REALLY want, is to live somewhere around friends.  Now that I'm having kids, I want to live around friends that are having kids too.  Somewhere with a backyard I can get to from the front of the house.  Somewhere with a garage.  Let me tell you, I'm still not sure how I'm supposed to get twins in and out of a car by myself....particularly if I can't find a parking spot in front of the house.

But so far everything has been going well.  Never got morning sickness even.  I have an enormous belly at this point.  If this is what I look like at 20 weeks, I have to wonder how big I'm going to get.  I just went to a baby shower for a friend who is 32 weeks, and she looks slightly bigger than I do.  Gerd continues to work from home, which I hope will be a good thing after the babies are born (I'm a little afraid that he'll have difficulty getting anything done).

Our older kitties aren't fairing so well though.  At least one of them was diagnosed with kidney disease, the other wasn't able to be tested for it (empty bladder) but has problems with his teeth.  I really wonder how they'll take to a couple of new babies.  So far they're still active and snugly and just regular cats.  I hope the stress of crying babies doesn't age them more than they already have aged :(

I've been thinking a lot lately about our lifestyle, and how it will change, and what values I want to hold true to, and what I'm flexible on.  For instance, I don't think my commitment to organic milk or produce will go away, but I can easily see myself going to regular grocery stores more often.  If I shop at Stop & Shop, which is 2 blocks away from me I think, it's unlikely that the meat I'll buy will be up to my current standards.  It's either time to buy a meat share, or compromise a little.  Let me tell you, after reading the Omnivore's Dilemma, I really WANT to shop a farmer's markets and buy local, but I'm just not sure I'm going to be up for it.

Breastfeeding is another issue.  I'm still hoping to breastfeed, although I'm sure it'll be difficult with twins.  The thing is, I don't know how it's going to work out.  I know I'll need to pump throughout the day, because I want Gerd to be able to give the kids a bottle too.  I've heard babies can prefer bottles over breasts after a time though, because the milk comes out faster from a bottle.  I also want to make my own baby food when it comes time, but as of yet I have no idea what the process of that is, or what the nutritional needs of a baby really are!

Diapers, at least, I think, will be easier.  I want to cloth diaper, and the only major decision I need to make now is a) do I go with the diaper service (even though it might make the house stinkier for a while) or b) do I get used to doing an extra load (no pun intended) of laundry each night.  At around 24 diapers a day for 2 kids I'll either need to buy (and wash) a boatload of diapers or I'll have to deal with 170 stinky diapers waiting to be picked up each Tuesday (that's right, the diaper service only delivers once a week).  I'd seriously consider adding an additional washer/dryer in one if a) I knew I could do a cold rinse, then hot cycle, then extra rinse, and then dry, AND it wasn't so expensive.  Really, instead of a diaper pail, you could just throw them in the washer and run it at night and just pull them out in the morning...

But back to the whole expensive thing.  I have expensive tastes.  I want amby baby hammocks instead of bassinets.  I'll later need cribs, although I want to go with mini-cribs for space (maybe something like this), and I still covet this double stroller (with bassinets, but probably not gonna happen).  Oh right, and I'll need a nursing pillow suitable for twins, and possibly a different glider (depending on how the glider works with the pillow), and bouncers, and car seats and everything else you need with babies.  In other words, we haven't bought a single thing yet, and when I do start buying things, I'm going to have to make a budget and start prioritizing.

Well, it's late (or actually, really early) and I still can't sleep, but I guess I better try something else as a sleep aid because writing this all down isn't helping.  Why oh why did I need to have ice tea?  We'd all probably be better off if I'd had a half a glass of wine and fell asleep at the table :)  (no I'm not drinking or advocating drinking during pregnancy).