Wouldn't it be nice

Wouldn't it be nice to have a house of our own? Wouldn't it? All the talk about getting a house creates stress and anxiety. We can't keep going like we are but to change something we have to give something up. What are we going to live without?

Throwing in the towel

Who decided NaNoWriMo should be in November? I know that's just an excuse, but I've decided I'm in over my head.

I made it to a little under 9,000 words, which is far more than I've ever pieced together before, and I have a good idea of how to continue and where to go from there.

If only November wasn't so crazy. I got back from the grandparents house November 5th, had a conference November 7th, worked on the farm on Monday, go to Houston to visit my father this Friday to Monday, Go to Turkey Day at the farm on Tuesday and have to get ready for the in-laws to come the following Monday. The in-laws will be here until December 7th, so I'm guessing my personal time is going to be scarce.

And yes, I know I'm just throwing out excuses and that everyone else has busy lives too, but as I get further and further behind, it seems to me like this may have been an ill conceived plan.

But two things did come out of this. First, I want to finish my book, so I'm playing around with some other self-imposed deadline (maybe New Years?) to make myself keep on pace. Second, I actually wrote quite a bit (for me) and I was really enjoying writing when I began.

So maybe it's too soon to entirely throw in the towel, I want to continue writing, but somehow knowing I'm not going to reach my original goal is sapping me of my motivation. Who knows maybe tomorrow I'll get up and whiz through 10,000 words (probably not).

Maybe I should make a different word goal by the end of the month? I hate starting something and then failing to finish, but it's an all to familiar path for me.

Too much time causes my head to ramble

Well, the grandparents enjoyed my visit, which was nice. I got behind in my writing, but priorities must be set. I'm at a little over 6,000 words and want to be at 12,500 by the end of Sunday. It's possible, but we'll see if I make the goal or not. My mind is on a million different things right now.

Like, how can you make powdered milk at home (you can't really) and where are my tickets to the Agriculture in Education convention I go to tomorrow?

I woke up remembering high school and houses and had a huge blog formed in my head. It all started by remembering my friend Kristi's mom's hair when she was pregnant with her youngest child. It have a strange and jumbled mind. I think it went something like this: 35ish and pregnant, glowing hair, where will they put another kid in that house (the house wasn't that small, just seemed like it with 4 girls to an only child), my own house was big and very, very clean in high school. This is the shortened version. Needless to say it would have been one very large rambling entry.

I go visit my father in a week and try to convince him to come to New York for a summer wedding. I might drive out to Providence the day before we leave to attend a presentation of urban farmers. And that led me back to making your own ingredients. I missed boxed meals. They're so easy. I could make my own kits I suppose, right? But doesn't that somewhat defeat the purpose?

None of this is related to my novel, which I can't seem to concentrate on because my head is enveloped in fifty million different thoughts. I wonder if writing is opening my mind to more thoughts or if my mind is just avoiding the task of writing a novel. Either way I need a somewhat quiet cafe that does NOT have internet access. A little over 2,000 words a day and I'll be back on track again. Perhaps I should start a star chart.

Day One - 2006 words

Woo Hoo! It took about 2 hours, maybe 2 1/2 hours, hard to say with interruptions, but I reached my daily goal of 2000 words. I really should be aiming for 2500 words a day (considering my inlaws will be visiting from the 23rd of November on and I probably won't get as much done after they arrive) but I figure that 2000 will be the minimum per day.

I also completed character sketches for my main characters, an outline of the chapters (we'll see if I can stick to it, I have a hard time sticking to my outlines) and I'm developing a timeline since the novel will be set in Germany during 1150-1185. Next on the list is to figure out what a Margrave is and do a family tree for the decedents of Conrad the Great. This won't be completely historically accurate (Ertzgebirge, where my legend comes from is not actually included in upper Saxony during this time, but neither can I figure out who DOES control the region) but there will be aspects of the story that are based on historical events.

Tomorrow I have a 10 hour train ride to go visit my grandfather so I hope I can get more than my minimum writing quota done and a bit of research as well. Tonight's research includes how to tether my iPhone to my mac to get internet access along the way. I know it's possible. I just wish I'd asked my husband to figure it out for me before he headed off on his business trip today. Arg. I'm not exactly computer inclined and I have no idea if I'll be able to figure it out.

Actually Registered

I was about to post "Actually Did It" but I haven't done it yet. I registered for NaNoWriMo. I've wanted to do so for the past 4 years since the English teacher at my last school district had her 8th graders writing novels in November. She was brilliant with the kids and it was a fabulous project.

Before you wonder how she managed it (50,000 words is a lot for anyone, let alone a 13 year old) I'll tell you she modified it a bit. First she had them write nonstop for 15 minutes. After writing for 15 minutes she had them count the words, double the amount, then calculate the number of words a student could ideally write if they spent 30 minutes writing 6 days a week for a month. In class she spent the month of October developing characters and themes, etc., and then they went to it.

I've read some of these stories and they turned out great! Their novels were around 15,000 to 20,000 words long (quite a feat for an 8th grader, especially considering we worked with a crowd of disadvantaged youth) and they were pretty good. Sometimes they were pretty far out there (robot zombie vampire adventures is one I kind of remember) but unique and interesting. And the kids were so proud.

So this year I don't have a job and nothing really is holding me back. Besides which I have a 10 hour train ride to and from Rochester this upcoming week, which should help. Now all I have to do is decide which one of the stories that's been floating around in my head the past few months I actually want to write.

Story one is set in Germany in the region my husband comes from. There's a canyon called something like Katz something or another where legend has it that a witch protected a pirate castle with her broom. It's called Katz whateveryoucallit because the word has something to do with the amethysts that line the canyon river. This all sounds like a pretty good story to me. The heroine isn't a witch, her name's Katarina and she diverted disaster with diplomacy that somehow shows itself in the form of a broom (I'm thinking aid after a fire or something like that). I've actually started a full synopsis of this one, but I think it needs a bit of work

Story two was a dream I had. A boy along with his friends finds a set of strange mechanical devices that appear to need a key to open it, but he has no key. He pries it open anyway and somehow gets the gears and chambers to start moving. Another boy comes up and tries to help but the discoverer is called back to his house. Even though he can't figure out what it does the boy takes it home to his house where his mother is having a dinner party. Strangers come to the door and ask for help, the mother invites them in and they have a nice time altogether at the party, but the mother doesn't invite them to spend the night. The strangers leave but take offense for a lack of hospitality. We find out that they are from another world/time and their culture has clear hospitality rules. With hospitality broken they vow to take over the "kingdom" and proceed to use an army of trolls to take over the land. They discover that in our world food isn't grown nearby so they disrupt food supply and pretty much take over the US. It looks pretty grim for the humans but then the boy who was mysteriously helping the discoverer boy open the boxes decides he doesn't like the bloodshed and thinks the human race should have a fair shot (after his parents become upset finding this out their sense of honor allows them to agree that his decision was fair). He gives the key to the boy but doesn't tell him what it does or how the box would sold humankinds problems.

Yes, that really was a dream I had, unfortunately I never got to the point where we figure out how the key works or what it does to save the humans. My guess is that it imprisons the other race (elves?) or sends them to another planet.

Anyway, those are a few ideas. Who knows where, or if, this will go.

Never Know

This week a 19 year old singer/songwriter was killed by coyotes while hiking in Canada.

I've survived something like 10 accidents, including one accident in which we flipped off the side of the Rockies and dropped 250 ft. I've also survived an IED attack, mortar fire, and incoming fire while riding in a helicopter. Knock on wood, but so far I've been pretty resilient.

I recently told a coworker about my upcoming appointment for acupuncture and she wanted to know what it was doing for me. Reducing stress, reducing back pain, and regulating my cycles (so far I completely believe it's helping). But our conversation led me to mention my multiple near death experiences, to which she said that I must be meant to live. Surely there must be some reason I keep surviving, there must be something I'm supposed to do, or be.

I don't know. Right now staying sane and healthy seem to be about all I can handle.

When I was a child my mother claimed I was named by God. She said the name was given to her. It always worried me that I was supposed to live up to something, or there'd be some important task that I'd have to accomplish. Instead of being a blessing it was a responsibility for an unknown task.

Now, it could be that it hasn't happened yet, but I am more likely to believe that I should just go on about life as I should live it and be grateful for each day. Either I'll do something great or I'll just keep trucking along. I'm not looking for greatness and have no deep drive to leave a legacy.

But you have to admit that life if short, and it takes you in so many different directions (often at the same time) that you probably will never know what's meant to be and what just IS.

My grandfather started receiving hospice care this week. The family reckons that he's got about six months or so to live. Everyone is afraid to hope for more because, as time goes along, each day he lives gets harder than the last. Each breath is harder to draw. He has pulmonary fibrosis.

I consider my grandfather a great man. He hasn't changed the world and he's not famous, but he helped make my mother into a wonderful mother and he's an example I hope to live up to someday. I told him I wanted to come visit over Halloween, maybe I'd read him some scary story, and he said "What are you trying to do, scare me to death?".

So I didn't die at 19, or 21, or 33 and who knows if I'll make it to 87. Who knows if I'm supposed to be here or not, but I am. And all I want to do is be someone that does the right thing, always, even when it's difficult, knows God in whatever form I see him, and shows love to everyone, even the Boston drivers. And I'd like to get to the point where being this person isn't a challenge, it just IS who I am.

Not a Foodie

I've recently picked up a few books that revolve around food. Considering I work on a farm and that my life has begun to revolve around food as well, I figured it'd be appropriate. The first book, Cooking for Mr. Latte is written by Amanda Hesser, a food writer for the New York Times. The second novel, Julie and Julia: 365 days...blah blah blah title by Julie Powell, who lives in New York City and I'd like to imagine reads the New York Times. Both authors seemed to share a love of food, cooking, and interest in Julia Child, but their idea of food was distinctly different.

Not far into Cooking for Mr. Latte I could easily see Hesser's vision of food. The author writes:

I should have established a set of guidelines long ago. That all potential boyfriends have to be willing to travel to the far reaches of a city to seek out that dark little bar that makes the best fried oysters: that they must like going to restaurants, expensive restaurants. And when they're at one, they should happily linger over the petit fours and savor a good Cognac. If they itch to leave as soon as the deserts are cleared, they've missed the point.

While I like food, I'm relatively easy to please. I want fresh local food. My ideal restaurant would serve...fresh, local food. Hesser does say she prefers seasonal food, but, as a food writer, she's far more caught up in the details of each dish than I would be. I mean really, I wouldn't even know what flabby fois gras would taste like. I just can't identify with the author. Not only has she met and maintained a friendship with Julia Child, she was a chef in Paris. I'm bound to look a food a different way.

In a description of a foodie outing she writes:

When I go out to a restaurant, I do not like feeling as if I'm at a buffet. I like to construct my meal thoughtfully and then eat it. I don't want to pass plates and I don't want someone plopping a slab of his skate in my lamb jus. It's disrespectful to the chef, who tries to create dishes that entertain your palate from the first bite to the last. And it's greedy. If you must taste other things on the menu, come back another time.

I find myself drawn to the characters in Julie and Julia far more. The author is a secretary who doesn't want to be a secretary. She's not a super chef or a food snob, just someone who wants to do something unique and special, and she likes to cook and is good at it. (And there's one of our differences, I like to cook, but I'm hardly good at it).

Powell writes:

Wealthy Victorians served Strawberries Romanoff in December; now we demonstrate our superiority by serving our dewy organic berries only during the two week period when they can be picked ripe off the vine at the boutique farm down the road from our Hamptons bungalow. People speak of gleaning he green markets for the freshest this, the thinnest that, the greenest or firmest, or softest whatever, as if what they're doing is a selfless act of consummate care and good taste, rather than the privileged activity of someone who doesn't have to work for a living

But Julia Child isn't about that. Julia Child wants you that's right YOU, the one living in the tract house in sprawling suburbia with a dead-end middle-management job and nothing but a Stop and Shop for miles around - to know how to make good pastry, and also how to make those canned green beans taste all right. She wants you to remember that you are human, and as such are entitled to the most basic of human rights, the right to eat well and enjoy life.

And that blows heirloom tomatoes and first-press Umbrian olive oil out of the f***ing water.

And while completely agree, I completely disagree. I do believe our first responsibility is to eat well. What we eat, and how we eat, is one of the simplest things to alter in our lives and leads to a huge, healthy reward.

But I believe in eating in season, or preparing in season foods for storage for out of season cooking. I don't agree that middle class life should allow us to transport food from around the world so we can make fancy dishes all times of the year. But I do agree that learning to cook, really learning to COOK, transcends any food ideology.

And so I'm debating getting a Julia Child cookbook and work my way through some (not all) of the recipes. I'd like to learn how to make a good sauce, how to saute, how to do any number of things I'm sure I've never even heard of before. But when I do it, I'll be sure to use my local foods that are in season.