One Drop Too Many

Yes, this is a phone post.

I love my iPhone. Really, I do. But the thing is, an iPhone without a fully functional display screen is not exactly great. Oh, it works still, but it will flip from regular brightness to super dim spontaneously (so dim you can't read the screen). Gerd's sure it's a loose wire, and all we need to do is find a screwdriver small enough to open up the case.

I took the opportunity to go look at androids. There doesn't appear to be a Sprint store in Boston (maybe they only sell online now?) but I passed a T Mobile store on the way to acupuncture today. Yes, I realize ATT may absorb T Mobile soon, but I'm sure they would have to honor contracts already signed.

As nice as the alternatives are, there's one main problem I still haven't resolved. I LOVE my calendar. My calendar is linked via Mobile Me to my laptop. Anytime I put in an event it's automatically synced to my home calendar, I don't have to plug my phone into my computer, it just works. The alerts that I set up will also alert me, by way of a pop up text box on my computer, that I have something to do.

I'm aware that androids will sync just fine for regular PC users, but I have a Mac. I love my mac, even when I run into difficulties like this. I've been trying to decide if I could live without the easy access to my calendar, but I kind of whine every time I think about giving up a really nice feature.

If I did give up the auto-sync option and get an android, I could avoid ATT and the iPhone glitches. I could get a PC too, therefore making everything more workable from an android point of view. Or, I could get an iPhone 4, which would lock me into ANOTHER 2 years with ATT, and I still wouldn't have an unlocked phone for Europe. I could get a refurbished iPhone 3gs for $20 or a refurbished iPhone 4 for $100 (still stuck with the contract). Also, I'm not so sure about the refurbished bit, especially for the IP4, considering it had a feature called the "death grip" when it first rolled out.

I'm not up for replacing my laptop if I don't absolutely need to. It's almost 4 years old, which is old by laptop years, but it works just fine (knock on wood) and if it breaks I know I can get it fixed for a $250 flat rate. I've been debating fixing it up anyway because it could use a new case, but it would be a waste if something else decided to break after sending it off to be repaired.

So really, I think sticking with the iPhone is probably my best bet right now. The only question is, how greedy am I? Twenty dollars is completely affordable, but an upgrade is sooo tempting. I'd get a flash for my camera! (seems like a little thing, but my phone is seriously about my only camera now). There are so many things I don't like about the iPhone, and ATT, but so far the perks are outweighing the drawbacks. (perks: easy compatibility, I already know how it works, I don't need to purchase any apps again on a new network, and drawbacks: dropped calls, high bill)

I'm so tempted to just live without a cell phone at all. Just let it break and never replace it. BUT, I know the first time I get lost, or miss an appointment, or wish I'd brought a book with me on the subway I'd be cursing myself for giving up on technology.

Inside an OR

Pretty much all of my experiences with doctors to date have been in a regular doctor's office. I have been to the hospital once, but even there I was put in a private area while waiting for tests. It was a surprise then, when I got to the back side of the IVF place.

It's kind of an open concept. You pass a whole bunch of other women siting in recliners, all garbed in matching hospital gowns and robes, each wearing their required "warm pair of socks", until you get to your plastic covered recliner. There's a curtain separating all the women, so once you're seated, you really can't see anyone, but you can hear all the women speaking with their husbands or partners. I got a bit nervous when I overheard the woman next to me was asking how many eggs she had last time, which was 19....I was told I had only 7 follicles last time I spoke with the nurse.

Somehow I never realized that I would be in a hospital like environment, but it definitely was that. After about an hour of waiting they took me back to the operating room. Now THAT was surreal. Sterile empty room, attending nurses, big machines, operating lamp, surgical tray...It looked a bit like a hospital room from a horror movie. I guess for most operations the patient (victim) is already asleep before being wheeled in. I've got to tell you, it's pretty hard to make yourself sit down on an operating table.

The anesthesiologist was very nice, especially considering how nervous I must have seemed. He told me to think of some version of paradise. I said New Mexico. He said that seemed a bit domestic. I told him I liked the desert. He agreed that it was nice. That's the last thing I remember.

I really wanted to remember waking up. I have no memory of waking up, or of moving from the OR to the recovery room (another plastic covered recliner). I seemed to be (nearly) completely with it as soon as I woke up. The nurse couldn't find my husband, so she commenced to telling me all kinds of important information that I was sure I'd forgot. (fortunately there's a take home brochure). It turns out I had 15 eggs retrieved, way more than I thought (although some will be bigger than others). I'll get a call tomorrow to see how many fertilized. On Saturday they'll put the little guys back where they belong and then hope for the best.

What a strange way to go about having children.

Trigger Shot

Tonight's the night! Well, sort of. It's the night I take my last shot (ever I hope :). At 8:30 promptly I have to take some drug that does something that allows doctors to remove follicles from my ovaries. 36 hours later they put the fertilized ones back and we hope it works from there. Two weeks of waiting and we find out if the trigger worked. I probably won't post anything if it's good news, so if you don't hear me whine in a couple of weeks, it could be good news, or I could be busy trying to work out my frustration in the garden.

Interesting that it's called a trigger shot I think. Like it's a race. Life in general has felt a bit like a race lately, so it's pretty appropriate. We've got until the end of the week to decide if Gerd wants to keep his position and move to Dallas, or if he wants to be demoted to a developer (probably facing a salary cut) and continue working from home for a while. Dallas isn't really an option, but New Mexico is. The company would let him work 3 days a week in Dallas and fly back to NM and work from home the rest of the week. But, like I said, we have a week to decide if we want to move our entire household in the next month or two.

It's all got me thinking about where we really do want to live with children. We could move anywhere while Gerd's working from home. Why live in the most expensive city when you can live somewhere cheap and earn the same salary? We have good friends in Boston, a church that I love, I finally found a counselor I feel comfortable with...in other words, life is pretty good here. But can we afford it without my salary? With a pay cut? And if IVF doesn't work, can we afford to live here AND adopt? Plus there's the school issue, I mean, Boston public schools are seriously troublesome (but Albuquerque's aren't any better).

We could move to Denver, which is a place both of us could enjoy, but we don't know anyone there (with the exception of some of my SCA acquaintances that I haven't seen in years). We could move to upstate New York to be near my parents, but there really aren't that many jobs that would interest my husband in the long run (plus he seems to hate cities that aren't dense, urban, smog infested areas...you know, heaven forbid everyone has yard on all 4 sides, and with a garage no less).

Or we could stay put and hope that he finds (actually starts looking for) another job. We've got tons of expenses right now, the bathroom, IVF (although this cycle was mostly covered by insurance if it doesn't work we'll have to pay 100% of any future cycles), Gerd's annual German retirement account transfer, fixing the Mini so we can sell it, finally moving his stuff over from Dublin... We can say we'll stay on budget, but it's all a lot right now.

So I'm like the athlete with her feet in the blocks, waiting for the sound of the gun. You try not to stress, instead to free your mind and just run, and to trust that you've done all you could up until this point and remain calm, because you know that you'll actually do better if you relax. But somehow you still notice a bead of sweat dripping down your brow.

Now!? Really????

We knew this weekend would be a busy one. Gerd moved out of his office yesterday, but we still need to go back for the furniture he's taking for his home office, and for the supplies that will be donated to my school. On top of that we've got a bathroom floor to finish, along with (hopefully) a bathroom flange and vanity installation.

So although I've been looking forward to my Fedco order, I'm not exactly ecstatic that everything came this weekend. We were expecting it NEXT weekend. The weekend that my parents could actually come and bring the rototiller. The weekend after Gerd's office move. The weekend after we finished the bathroom....


Nope. They're here now, like a premature baby. I've got Reliance Seedless Grapes, Polana Raspberries, Western Sandcherry bushes, and Lowbush Blueberry bushes. I was pretty sure there was more on the way, but I'm wondering if I removed the cherries (Sandcherries are supposed to be more like plums). Hmm.

I've not had a lot of luck with dry root plants, so we'll see how it goes. The order was expensive enough that I really need to get it right this time. I'm not sure I will though, the guide tells me that I should avoid planting fruit trees in south facing yards, but that's all I've got. I'm also running into problems with the Ph level of the soil. My new blueberries (thankfully NOT dry root) are supposed to have soil that's a Ph of no higher than 5.6. Mine is around 7.0ish. At least the best I can tell from my novice chemistry kit. I'm really wishing I'd learned more science in high school and college.


So upon my step-father's instructions we're soaking the plants for tomorrow's planting. I figure if I can get up early enough I can get to the garden center and buy supplies (including soil amendments to lower Ph level), come home and plant everything before noon....ha. I'm leaning toward pushing off the furniture retrieval mission until Sunday so that all the house stuff is done first. That should cut down on the mess before bringing new stuff into a construction dust house, right?

Spring Surprises!

Okay, so I've been trying to cut down on internet/phone time, and since that date I think I've increased my online time instead. BUT...somehow by trying to avoid technology I have been getting other stuff done. Today after work I managed to move a raised bed, go to Home Depot (again), cook dinner, and write a long letter to Stammtisch about upcoming event ideas (without spending hours distracted surfing the web). All in all, a pretty productive day!



The highlight of the day was definitely working in the garden. It's so nice to be able to go outside and not see snow! While outside I discovered some spring surprises. First, I discovered that a plant I assumed was dead last winter actually grew despite the snow. I have a neglected Brussels Sprouts plant! Okay, I don't anymore because it looked like it was done in, but it DID have a handful of harvestable sprouts!!! YUM!!!



Grandpa's garlic is starting to pop through the soil so I spent a little time fending off the grass. Since carrots were in the same bed I came up with a few leftovers. Last week I found bigger examples, but we ate them before pictures were taken (they were crisp and wonderful!).



Of course the hunt for live plants was on from there. I discovered the Rhubarb was starting to sprout, and one leftover scallion is growing. In one of the pots I discovered some kind of bulb growing, but I have no idea what kind of plant it is, or even if it's edible or not. One of the flowers in my decorative section is starting to show a little color, but I also don't know what it is!

Not The Way It Goes

I was going to get up this morning (early) and start blasting some cleaning music. The house desperately (and I do mean desperately) needs to be cleaned. Like, cleaned after some major construction work cleaned.

I even downloaded some of the music from my childhood to help motivate me. I don't know what other people listened to when they were going up, by my household was entirely contemporary Christian. I had Evie, and Amy Grant, Twila Paris, and Joni Earikson Tada (who I was surprised to find had recently battled breast cancer). This collection of songs might sound like odd choice of accompaniment to cleaning for some, but whenever cleaning day came around (less frequently than it probably should have) the music went on high and we would dust, vacuum, sweep, mop, scour, and tidy until the house was once again spotless.

It was while searching for all this old music that I finally remembered what I read growing up. One of my friends and I were talking about young adult literature, and how I hadn't read Roal Dahl growing up, or many other well known YA authors either. I knew I'd read a lot growing up, but I couldn't remember what. Now I do. I read Christian contemporary authors. Jeanette Oak, the Mandy Series (boy did I love those books!), I read Ruth, and Easter (the fictional stories), and I did read some non-Christian literature like James Michner Books, Alaska and Texas. I also read Clan of the Cave Bear, Madeline L'Engle, and CS Lewis's The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (which could count as Christian).

I typically wanted my books thick and my characters interesting. I didn't really turn away from Christian fiction until I read one bad book, still can't remember the name, in which God gave up on someone. I put the book down, half unread and never picked up another Christian book again. I did something similar with Danielle Steele a while later, she described, in detail, an abortion. I read a part, then put down the book unfinished and never read another book of hers again. Weird.

But none of this helps with the cleaning, or the cooking (which is actually way more important). I want to cook for the week and I haven't even made it to the store yet. I slept 12 hours last night and then later took another 3 hour nap (who knows if I'll sleep at all tonight). Either this is the medicine or I just really, really needed to catch up on sleep. Since I haven't been sleeping well for a while, I'm hoping this is just a one shot deal, and that tomorrow I'll wake up ready for vigorous activity.

Rashing on Teachers

Naturally, as a teacher, I'm not completely immune to the current atmosphere surrounding education. There seems to be a movement, if I can call it that, that tends to believe that the problem with today's schools is most likely to do with a failure of the teachers. Test scores, it is said, will demonstrate effective teachers and ineffective ones. The corporate world operates with goals and benchmarks, so why then can't education?

Well, let me tell you.

First of all, we need to look at schools that function. Yes, some of those schools are in the United States. Some are public, some are private, and some are charter (the miracle drug for the "union problem"). Regardless of WHERE these schools are, if they're effective, you have a community that supports, respects, and believes in the teachers, administrators, and staff of each effective school.

Do new teachers exist in these schools? Sometimes. Are all teachers at their absolute best everyday? No, even experienced teachers have rough days. But in these schools we have support for newer, or struggling teachers, and faith in administrators to educate, mentor, and otherwise lift up all stakeholders in the school. In the best schools in the world you will find a supportive system for teachers and students alike.

Now the common viewpoint on public schools is that a) they're union, and therefore bad teachers can't be fired, b) better teachers leave for better schools so the schools that need the most work have the least effective teachers, and c) if we had more effective teachers in poor schools we would see student's test scores rise.

A) Teachers can be fired. In New Mexico there are schools where the union is pretty strong (perhaps stronger than it should be) but even there, bad teachers CAN get fired with proper documentation. Somehow, however, in NM bad teachers drift from one school district to another. How is it that administrators hire someone who isn't an effective teacher? THAT is a practice that needs to be looked into.

You know, before moving to Massachusetts, where teachers seem to be a dime a dozen (for my long term sub job I was chosen from 300 applicants), I'd never demo taught a lesson before being hired before. As horrible as the experience of demo teaching was for me, I think it's a valuable exercise (you have to put A LOT of effort in to get hired around here). It gives an administrator an idea of what kind of teacher you can be. Perhaps we shouldn't focus on firing people, but on making sure that we're hiring people who really are the best fit for the school?

B) The only reason better teachers leave bad schools is because bad schools are typically overrun with unresolved socioeconomic problems. It is literally exhausting going to work on a daily basis, and in addition to teaching curriculum, you have to deal with students recovering from drive by shootings, rape, teen pregnancy, homelessness, abuse...well, you get the idea. We are not counselors. In most schools these students have a social worker who is supposed to help students through the worst things in their lives, but in reality the teacher gets the brunt end of all the stuff that's going on in their students lives (not in terms of opening up usually, but in bad moods, withdrawn moods, etc.). IF by some miracle, we could really help students who need help, we might see a more effective classroom. If we had better classes, we'd have teachers stick to poor classrooms. It's not like teachers go into teaching for money, power or fame. They get involved because they're helpers (if you think it's for the summers off, many teachers end up getting a part time job in the summer to support themselves).

C) Test scores are a reflection of curriculum. The richer the curriculum, the more critical thinking skills a student will have, and the better they will perform. Analyzing test scores is a tool, not an answer to our problems. If you want a good education you offer deep, meaningful instruction. The more we focus on tests, the less we focus on teaching. The less we focus on teaching the worse off we will actually be. The corporate world takes managers and gives them benchmarks. They say to the manager that his or her employees must produce so much work by a certain time and they're rewarded when their goals are met. Their employees are already trained and can be fired if they don't perform. Students are not trained, they are being trained, and they are legally required to stay in school. The system does NOT work for schools.

In districts where there is poverty, schools are not going to get better until society is fixed.

As a GED teacher I get the students who were unable to get through the current system, and I ask myself what could have worked differently in their favor. Would a better teacher have made a difference? On average, my high school drop-outs left school around 10th grade (usually after having a child or being kicked out of their house). They have a reading level of approximately a 4th or 5th grader, although some students score 8th grade or higher, and math skills anywhere between 3rd grade and 8th grade. In my, not so professional opinion, there's not much a different teacher could have done for them. They need smaller classes, more attention, and an extreme amount of support. They simply were not in a (mental) place where they could learn before, and there was no place they could go to be removed from the class to make it a better place for other students to learn.

So, here's my platform. My reform movement so to speak.

1) Create a community in which learners have the social, emotional, and educational support necessary for them to focus on school instead of outside pressures.
2) Hire good teachers and then revere them. In some countries being a teacher is one of the most respected positions a person can hold. Support teachers who need help, they're not much different from their students and will improve if given the right opportunities.
3) Focus on rich curriculum, not on tests. Not only will this allow bright students to excel, it will draw on a student's natural instinct to learn.
4) Figure out, as a society, what we want for students who aren't going to go into white collar jobs. Since we've shipped away so many manufacturing jobs we've got a whole bunch of people, in and out of school that we don't know what to do with.
5) Feed students real food. Seriously, have you seen what kids are eating these days? Even the official school food is mostly filler with very little whole grain and is so processed there's not much nutrition left. Sure it'd be great if parents would feed their children well, but remember, the students who need schools to provide food are the ones sending their kids to school with a sticky bun and mountain dew as breakfast (so the sugar wears off right around math class).

The DO NOT list includes:

1) Don't destroy (or avoid) unions. Teachers don't make that much and they need to feel secure in their jobs to take the risk to grow and improve. If they don't have secured benefits, they do have other choices in careers.
2) Don't blame teachers for society's ills. It is not the teacher's fault that some student's don't want, or can't learn. The brain simply can't function as well when it is stressed. Students are stressed, and not learning. When teachers are stressed, they also will not learn.
3) Don't make a teacher's day longer. If you want to add sports or art or whatever else needs to be added to a student's day, great! Do so! But don't add it to the responsibilities of the teacher. The teacher needs to teach and plan, and they'll do their best when given enough time and space to do so. In fact, I think every student should have 2 hours of extracurricular stuff built in during the day, but taught by someone other than the regular ed teacher. (I call it the boarding school model because that's how fancy schools do it).

Okay, that's my soapbox. It's probably similar to every other post I've written on education, but I just had to get that off of my chest.