Thursday, August 8, 2013

Failure

I have very thin skin. Rather, I should say my ego is fragile. I did not get a job I applied for, and to explain the whole thing is both too complex and painful to go into right now, but basically I'm feeling a bit like a complete failure right now. I really miss being good at something. I miss people having confidence that I will do something well. I miss feeling like I have talent at something. Parenthood is not exactly an ego booster. Self doubt, lack of sleep, and unexplained bouts of crying don't exactly make me feel like supermom. But as a parent I have a new vantage point. How would I want my children to see me take failure, and how do I want them to deal with disappointment. I'm still processing all of that, so I'm not sure of the answer. For now though, perhaps failure is an opportunity. I can consider how a person should overcome a mistake, and work on that a little before my twins are old enough to need some advice. As for jobs, perhaps one lesson I can learn is to forget about being good at anything. I'm probably going to feel bad at everything I do. I'm sticking with the idea of just continuing to do the things I like to do, and maybe that will take me somewhere someday.

2 comments:

BriteLady said...

I always struggle with the difference between having someone else tell me I'm good at something (or tell me I'm not), and me feeling like I'm doing something well (enjoying it, feel like I'm making a difference, etc).

For me, I frequently feel like other people compliment me on things that I really didn't like doing--sometimes I seem competent at tasks that I absolutely abhor because I try everything in my power to minimize the time spent doing it (and to make sure I don't have to repeat it).

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I think you're on the right track. Focus on the things that you enjoy, that make you feel like you are doing the right thing, or making the right kind of difference. Do what makes you proud of yourself.

Try to forget about whether some other person will congratulate you. External praise is nice once in a while, but if that's all you're looking for, you will make yourself really unhappy in an attempt to make everyone else happy.

Bethany said...

Now if only I can figure out how to praise myself, or at least not berate myself! Maybe what it all boils down to is confidence. Well, confidence, a good work ethic, and healthy introspection. (not the kind where you regularly refer to yourself as dummy).

My ego has taken a real beating lately. Time to rebuild.