Word of the year?

Some of my favorite bloggers start out the new year with a word. One word to focus their goals and thought for the year. I'm searching for a word that would suite, but I'm not sure one word will do. I will say that things are looking good. For the first time in 3 years, I have my own office set up. I have a little space to myself. The kids are old enough that their needs can be met with a little time and energy left over for me. For the first time in 4 years, I'm thinking about setting a regular alarm. I really haven't needed one for years. I think though, that I could use a little early morning time to myself. I'm considering a devotional. If it didn't sound so selfish, I would perhaps call this the year of me. I'm not going to worry about financial independence (I frequently feel like I'm not pulling my own weight). I'm not going to start a new school or look for a different job. I'm going to focus on the time I have to myself and make that time valuable, and not wasted.

Au Pair and a new school year

I suppose I've had a lot I could have blogged about lately, but we have been busy enough, and things have been mundane enough that blogging hasn't been top priority. First, the move went really well. I've never unpacked quite so quickly before. The kids took right to the new house, probably because their belonging were all waiting for them. The next month was spent finding an Au Pair who could start at the beginning of the school year, and who met all of Gerd's criteria. My criteria included not killing our kids and couldn't be horrible to live with. He had a few more standards. Fortunately our Au Pair, Debbi, is great. Much better than I was as an Au Pair. It is a little odd having a teenager in the house. On days off, I wonder if she's alive down there. She doesn't surface until at least 11:00. I'm awfully glad we were able to create a basement apartment for her, because if we wanted to be quiet while she slept in, it pretty much wouldn't happen. I'm working evenings this year, which is okay I guess. I like my students and I love my school, but I'm really tired by the time I get home. It does give me all of my mornings free for kid activities or appointments, or whatever I want, which is really nice. It's probably a perfect schedule for a mother with toddler boys. I think I'd still rather work in the morning. Although my job is currently secure, I'm pretty far down the list of seniority, so I think it will be a while before I could work my way into a morning position. That's fine for now. When the kids are in grade school I may look into public school teaching again, or a total career change, but I have no great need for a different position right now. The one sad thing about our move has been my garden. Or lack thereof. I'm about to buy a few raised beds so I can plant my garlic for next year, and maybe a little late spinach, chard and radishes. I've done a little canning this year, a few pickles, and some peaches, but no tomatoes yet. I might get around to canning some apples, although we will have to see how it goes. My dream of having bees is delayed right now as I await tests to see if I'm allergic to bee stings. Really hope not. And that's that. Not much more on the horizon really. Maybe a trip to New Mexico in November. Going to Germany for Christmas this year. Yep, that's about it.

And we may actually get to move.

We were astounded when we got a cash offer $27,000 above list price the first week our house was listed. We knew, however, that the numbers would come down after an inspection. In a house this old, there's just stuff.  We've done as much as we could, but there's always more to do. However, dropping the price $22,000 after the inspection was a bit steep. Gerd wanted to call the entire deal off, although I'm just really (over-ready) to move on. I hope the new owners find a better contractor though, because I think their quote is way, way over the actual cost.  If I had it to do over again, I would have a) gotten a second opinion from another structural engineer (his words changed from the inspection to the report, to our disadvantage) and had a few contractors give quotes before listing the house. Wih everything going on, it just didn't happen, and I think we're probably loosing $10,000 because of it. In the end though, we will still make out alright (not quite as alright, which eliminates central air from the budget) and we will get to move to a house that I really like. I hope it's a good decision, I feel completely incapable of good decisions right now. 

In addition to the whole non-pregnancy thing, we have had sick kids, a tumble down the stairs, and now I'm sick. One more work day until the weekend, so hopefully theraflu does the trick until then.  I don't even want to think about packing and moving. My in-laws are coming the week before our closing, so that's another thing on my plate, getting ready for their visit (although of course it will be good to have them, and I think they'll be helpful when they get here). I have moments of pure joy that this is such a sweet time in my life, and then moments of extreme stress and unhappiness with all that is happening in such a short time period. I am *really* looking forward to being settled in, and hopefully happy. As much as I really love my job, I am looking forward to some time off so that I can focus on everything that is on my to do list. It's just all so overwhelming right now. Change used to be so easy for me, now I suck at it. I am not rolling with the punches.  More like collapsing in bed. Let's hope this summer is a new season of all good things. 

Maintenance Account

I know it's just not done to talk about budgets, but since I have no filter anyway, and this is a pressing concern, I'm going to do it anyway. 

After this latest round of craziness, I've been left feeling frumpier, older, and just generally less happy with my appearance. Pre-pregnancy I was within 10lbs of my pre-pre-pregnancy weight. With hormones and a ton of chocolate, I've managed to bring that up another 10lbs. Those 10lbs really show. I was telling myself that it would go away naturally, but I think what I really need is to start taking better care of myself. 

I still have 4 punches left on my gym card, so if I can find a good time to work out for the next month, I'm covered for the month, but I need more than a 1x a month gym excursion to get my mind, body, and spirit back in shape. 

So, the perpetual list maker, I made a list.  Each month, I need or would like:

An appointment with my counselor (not covered by insurance, $140/session)

A weekly visit to the gym (new gym near my house is $45/month, great price!)

For the summer, a personal trainer to get me back into the swing of things (same gym has a great deal, 8 weeks membership plus 6 one on one 1/2 hour sessions for $195, and includes nutritional counseling and plans) (future deals are $45/ 1/2 hour session or $/35 if you commit to 6 months, if I can find or be placed with a partner it's $30/$25 for the same, I'm really hoping I could go down to 1x a month and fit it into the budget, if for no other reason than accountability)

A haircut. (maybe $60 with partial highlights at e cheapest place around, theoretically I could go every 6 weeks and make it work into a monthy budget better, but I think right now I need a routine) 

New clothes (even working out, my stomach is just different, and it turns out my body shape turns to an apple shape, not terrible, but the belly is there. I need to find more attractive clothes until I can get back to lean, I'm thinking a $50/month budget for 1-2 discount outfits or shoes for a few months, and maybe more when I actually look better). 

The problem here is that I added it all up and I'm at $500 in maintenance costs. Right when we are taking on a larger mortgage and going back to two cars...And I have no income over the summer...

We are offsetting some of the cost by canceling cable (google chrome here we come) getting solar panels through a leasing company (no up front cost and a lower monthly rate for electricity) and reducing our nanny's hours over the summer (she watches another chic during the summer, so we will only get her once or twice a week to reinforce German). 

Our costs are set to increase by $500/month without my personal improvement plan. 

Nanny costs will reduce from $1400/month to around $700/month for the summer

I already have a personal budget of around $250/month for me (which includes counseling and breakfast out on days I work). 

We have been managing to save around $1000/month prior to the costs associated with selling a house. 

I'm never great at math, and this Makes my head hurt! I'm looking for ways to cut back my maintenance plan, but without spending money on stuff like that one of two things happens. A) I end up spending the money anyway (I'm not very good at staying dedicated to my budget) or B) I end up in a rut until I decide I need to do something for myself, and then I go on a binge of self care...

So there you go. Accountability in its infant form. It's a work in progress. 

Nevermind

Sad news at I've been avoiding writing. After a month of waiting through multiple appointments, the results are in. No new baby. Still moving to a new house though. No heart to say more right now. It's a mixed bag of emotions, but generally speaking I'm doing alright. looking forward to some change. We will miss our house, but the lure of solar panels and a garage is calling my name. 

Uh oh, moving must happen soon.

Well, looks like we need to move sooner than later. We've got 9 months...

Yep. Expecting (but not announcing publicly yet, ok, no more public than this). 

Considering my history, I'm trying to not get all excited yet, but I can't really help it either. I figure if something goes wrong, I'll update this anyway. 

But back to moving, because 3 kids under 3 with street parking in Southie is not going to happen (at least I hope not!) We have problems. The biggest problem? A possible structural flaw in our foundation. Next problem, a lot of houses have just gone on the market in our neighborhood, and while all of them are smaller, they're in better shape. We need to be able to sell quickly... Looks like we may have $100,000 LESS in equity than we thought we had. 

Meanwhile all the houses that are halfway decent are selling fast. We are trying to decide if we go to Glens Falls so we are near Mom (and $ stretches a little further) or stay put for the amazing French immersion program and German school options in the area. Depending on the day and hour I'm convinced that I have the decision made one way or the other. 

We were on this path beforehand, but now there's an urgency to the whole thing. Yikes but this is crazy, unexpected news. 

Already gone.

I keep looking at houses.

Recently i found a house that, assuming it was in good in person as it was online, I would have been willing to sell our house for and move now. Despite knowing that we are going to move somewhere, sometime, we are not looking forward to the actual getting the house ready, listing it, packing, etc. especially in winter. 

It sold before we could look at it. I'm equal parts sad and relieved. 

I did learn a thing or two in this recent search. I thought I wanted to find a house that would cost less, make us more financially secure. Well, who wouldn't, right? But it's not possible if I want to live somewhere a good long time. We looked at one house that was small, cute, and totally possible. Then we looked at a house just barely out of our price range. In a few years, it probably would be a good deal for us, compared to private schools, but not now with a part time nanny and the upcoming cost of preschool. But it, along with the unseen house, is actually where I want to live. 

If we get in a position that we must move quickly, the less expensive house would do. But really, I can't see giving up the space we have and the ability to walk everywhere, for something kind of blah. 

So while I'm probably not going to be done looking at houses anytime soon, I realize that I'm only looking for a miracle right now. The house that would be worth it. And when I find it, there better be a garage is all I'm saying. A garage and a large laundry room, and a room for my own office. 

Working Again

I'm really so glad to be working again. It's wonderful to have something outside of the home to engage in. It is, however, hard work getting my brain to function again. I guess two years has been quite enough time to remove any muscle memory. I make up for a trained brain by spending much more time writing lesson plans than I ever have before. It's going well though. I didn't think I wanted to teach again, but I'm enjoying having students again. I love ESOL. My students really want to learn, and are quite forgiving if I mess anything up. Not that I would ever make a mistake. Teaching English... Otherwise the twins are growing like weeds. Not really talking yet, which has our doctor a little concerned. We aren't freaked out yet. We are surviving winter without a driveway. I still want to move, and we are narrowing neighborhoods down for our potential move in a year or two. Even if I get a full time job, it's unlikely that we can afford private school tuitions and afford to save up for college tuition. The local Catholic schools are very affordable, but they've just adopted a new curriculum from Pearson Education that I am diametrically opposed to. Unless our views change, we are likely to end up in Milton, which has a French Immersion program that sounds interesting. At least it's something to look forward to if we are a) in the suburbs and b) in public schools (it's one of two in the state, with only a handful of programs like it in the country). Well, time to go make dinner. I escaped for a few minutes to unwind, but duty does call. Love my kids, but I am WORN OUT. Part time work is like the Army reserve. Part time really is more like full time responsibility, and kids are full time, so it's like two full time jobs.