Adult

An unexpected bright part of the week! A visit from one of my best friends from high school!! Kelly had a conference in Boston and was able to sneak away for a evening. We went to Petit Robert, my favorite restaurant, although perhaps we should have gone elsewhere. I'd forgotten Kelly's gluten intolerance so she ended up with mussels instead of the requested "meat". Still, it's such a nice place to sit and talk, and the weather was nice enough for us to sit outside and relax.

Kelly had to go to Danvers the following day so she spent the night and I lent her my car. She got up early enough to ALMOST miss the rush hour traffic...on the way to work. Unfortunately she ended up in terrible traffic on the way back and was so late I was worried she'd miss her flight. Turns out I didn't need to worry about it. Fifteen minutes after dropping her off at the airport Kelly called to have me come pick her up again...her flight was canceled.

Bonus! Well, for me anyway. Kelly was looking forward to a flight home so she could run up to Chicago for the Gluten Free Festival... Instead we ended up touring Boston's Chinatown. We were supposed to head up to the North End for Italian gluten free pasta, but without my iPhone I made a few directional mistakes and began to stress out a little We ended up at a sushi place that was excellent (I even liked the raw eel!).

It's wonderful to see her again, but strange to see her as an adult. We have houses and significant others and real jobs... The last time we hung out, other than at a weekend wedding trip, was when we were in college! Sure, I've seen her a few times since, and it's nice but odd each time. Still, there's an easiness about us as friends, so while it isn't the same, it's comfortable to be around her again. We agreed, we shouldn't wait so long to see each other next time.

The downside of the week was the loss of my new iPhone. I finally broke down and bought an iPhone 4. The first day I had students it was stolen. I had it out to time a student, and within 30 minutes (while I was in the room) it disappeared. It's $600 to replace it so I'm still deciding what to do.... it was a very expensive mistake to leave my phone on my desk. I'm pretty sure I know who took it, but I'll never be able to prove it...it's gone. What ticks me off most is IF it really is who I think it is, I know what the money was for. I'm not entirely pro-life anymore, but that doesn't mean I want my property to be used to fund an abortion.

So the week has been a mixed bag. All in all though, a visit from an old friend is a great balm for an otherwise crummy week.

Storm Passing Over

The Storm is Passing Over is a song we sing in our choir frequently. I love it. I really do. Music is one of the ways that feel connected to God, and it almost always makes me feel better.

I've been absent from all things church lately. With all of the stress I've been under I haven't much been up for a crowd of people. Oh I know that church would be good for me, but this slump has been bigger than any motivation to make it out of the house. I ALMOST made it to Easter service, but I didn't. It's almost like I gave up church for lent.

But somehow I feel like the storm really is passing over.

Over Before You Know It

Well, I was expecting a negative pregnancy test. I thought the answer was going to be simple, I either was, or was not pregnant, right? Wrong.

Apparently you *can* be "sort of" pregnant. I got a call saying that my hCG levels were only at 20, rather than the expected 200 mLU. The physicians assistant told me that there were three options.

1) Implantation had been delayed and everything would be fine
2) I was in the process of a miscarriage
3) I had an ectopic pregnancy (that would result in miscarriage)

Of course I was hoping for the first option, but by the evening it became clear that I wouldn't be keeping this one. Not great news.

Years ago no one would have known I was even pregnant, so I'm trying to look at it that way. I don't know if I'd rather it hadn't worked at all or not. On one hand, it worked! On the other hand, if it wasn't viable, why not? Will any further attempts be viable? But if it hadn't worked I'd have wondered if it would ever work.

So I'm bitterly disappointed and debating future options. We'd planned on doing at least one more IVF cycle if this one didn't work, but were looking into insurance programs. The insurance issue deserves a post of its own, so I won't get into that nightmare now. The cost for one cycle, that we'd have to pay on our own, adds up to $17,000. If we want genetic testing to make sure the embryos are viable, that costs an additional $3000. So the question isn't just CAN I get pregnant, it's also can I AFFORD to get pregnant?

Top 10

Here's my top 10 favorite romantic comedies for when you just want to escape real life for a while.

1) While You Were Sleeping
2) Cutting Edge
3) The Truth About Cats and Dogs
4) French Kiss
5) Pretty Woman
6) The Proposal
7) Return to Me
8) Practical Magic
9) The Wedding Planner
10) Overboard

These are ranked in the order of most favorite to least favorite for a dreary day. They aren't necessarily the best movies, but they're my standbys. Sure, there are a ton of other romantic comedies out there, Meg Ryan almost deserves her own category, but these are the ones I return to most frequently. So what movies do you turn to when you want to escape?

One Drop Too Many

Yes, this is a phone post.

I love my iPhone. Really, I do. But the thing is, an iPhone without a fully functional display screen is not exactly great. Oh, it works still, but it will flip from regular brightness to super dim spontaneously (so dim you can't read the screen). Gerd's sure it's a loose wire, and all we need to do is find a screwdriver small enough to open up the case.

I took the opportunity to go look at androids. There doesn't appear to be a Sprint store in Boston (maybe they only sell online now?) but I passed a T Mobile store on the way to acupuncture today. Yes, I realize ATT may absorb T Mobile soon, but I'm sure they would have to honor contracts already signed.

As nice as the alternatives are, there's one main problem I still haven't resolved. I LOVE my calendar. My calendar is linked via Mobile Me to my laptop. Anytime I put in an event it's automatically synced to my home calendar, I don't have to plug my phone into my computer, it just works. The alerts that I set up will also alert me, by way of a pop up text box on my computer, that I have something to do.

I'm aware that androids will sync just fine for regular PC users, but I have a Mac. I love my mac, even when I run into difficulties like this. I've been trying to decide if I could live without the easy access to my calendar, but I kind of whine every time I think about giving up a really nice feature.

If I did give up the auto-sync option and get an android, I could avoid ATT and the iPhone glitches. I could get a PC too, therefore making everything more workable from an android point of view. Or, I could get an iPhone 4, which would lock me into ANOTHER 2 years with ATT, and I still wouldn't have an unlocked phone for Europe. I could get a refurbished iPhone 3gs for $20 or a refurbished iPhone 4 for $100 (still stuck with the contract). Also, I'm not so sure about the refurbished bit, especially for the IP4, considering it had a feature called the "death grip" when it first rolled out.

I'm not up for replacing my laptop if I don't absolutely need to. It's almost 4 years old, which is old by laptop years, but it works just fine (knock on wood) and if it breaks I know I can get it fixed for a $250 flat rate. I've been debating fixing it up anyway because it could use a new case, but it would be a waste if something else decided to break after sending it off to be repaired.

So really, I think sticking with the iPhone is probably my best bet right now. The only question is, how greedy am I? Twenty dollars is completely affordable, but an upgrade is sooo tempting. I'd get a flash for my camera! (seems like a little thing, but my phone is seriously about my only camera now). There are so many things I don't like about the iPhone, and ATT, but so far the perks are outweighing the drawbacks. (perks: easy compatibility, I already know how it works, I don't need to purchase any apps again on a new network, and drawbacks: dropped calls, high bill)

I'm so tempted to just live without a cell phone at all. Just let it break and never replace it. BUT, I know the first time I get lost, or miss an appointment, or wish I'd brought a book with me on the subway I'd be cursing myself for giving up on technology.

Inside an OR

Pretty much all of my experiences with doctors to date have been in a regular doctor's office. I have been to the hospital once, but even there I was put in a private area while waiting for tests. It was a surprise then, when I got to the back side of the IVF place.

It's kind of an open concept. You pass a whole bunch of other women siting in recliners, all garbed in matching hospital gowns and robes, each wearing their required "warm pair of socks", until you get to your plastic covered recliner. There's a curtain separating all the women, so once you're seated, you really can't see anyone, but you can hear all the women speaking with their husbands or partners. I got a bit nervous when I overheard the woman next to me was asking how many eggs she had last time, which was 19....I was told I had only 7 follicles last time I spoke with the nurse.

Somehow I never realized that I would be in a hospital like environment, but it definitely was that. After about an hour of waiting they took me back to the operating room. Now THAT was surreal. Sterile empty room, attending nurses, big machines, operating lamp, surgical tray...It looked a bit like a hospital room from a horror movie. I guess for most operations the patient (victim) is already asleep before being wheeled in. I've got to tell you, it's pretty hard to make yourself sit down on an operating table.

The anesthesiologist was very nice, especially considering how nervous I must have seemed. He told me to think of some version of paradise. I said New Mexico. He said that seemed a bit domestic. I told him I liked the desert. He agreed that it was nice. That's the last thing I remember.

I really wanted to remember waking up. I have no memory of waking up, or of moving from the OR to the recovery room (another plastic covered recliner). I seemed to be (nearly) completely with it as soon as I woke up. The nurse couldn't find my husband, so she commenced to telling me all kinds of important information that I was sure I'd forgot. (fortunately there's a take home brochure). It turns out I had 15 eggs retrieved, way more than I thought (although some will be bigger than others). I'll get a call tomorrow to see how many fertilized. On Saturday they'll put the little guys back where they belong and then hope for the best.

What a strange way to go about having children.

Trigger Shot

Tonight's the night! Well, sort of. It's the night I take my last shot (ever I hope :). At 8:30 promptly I have to take some drug that does something that allows doctors to remove follicles from my ovaries. 36 hours later they put the fertilized ones back and we hope it works from there. Two weeks of waiting and we find out if the trigger worked. I probably won't post anything if it's good news, so if you don't hear me whine in a couple of weeks, it could be good news, or I could be busy trying to work out my frustration in the garden.

Interesting that it's called a trigger shot I think. Like it's a race. Life in general has felt a bit like a race lately, so it's pretty appropriate. We've got until the end of the week to decide if Gerd wants to keep his position and move to Dallas, or if he wants to be demoted to a developer (probably facing a salary cut) and continue working from home for a while. Dallas isn't really an option, but New Mexico is. The company would let him work 3 days a week in Dallas and fly back to NM and work from home the rest of the week. But, like I said, we have a week to decide if we want to move our entire household in the next month or two.

It's all got me thinking about where we really do want to live with children. We could move anywhere while Gerd's working from home. Why live in the most expensive city when you can live somewhere cheap and earn the same salary? We have good friends in Boston, a church that I love, I finally found a counselor I feel comfortable with...in other words, life is pretty good here. But can we afford it without my salary? With a pay cut? And if IVF doesn't work, can we afford to live here AND adopt? Plus there's the school issue, I mean, Boston public schools are seriously troublesome (but Albuquerque's aren't any better).

We could move to Denver, which is a place both of us could enjoy, but we don't know anyone there (with the exception of some of my SCA acquaintances that I haven't seen in years). We could move to upstate New York to be near my parents, but there really aren't that many jobs that would interest my husband in the long run (plus he seems to hate cities that aren't dense, urban, smog infested areas...you know, heaven forbid everyone has yard on all 4 sides, and with a garage no less).

Or we could stay put and hope that he finds (actually starts looking for) another job. We've got tons of expenses right now, the bathroom, IVF (although this cycle was mostly covered by insurance if it doesn't work we'll have to pay 100% of any future cycles), Gerd's annual German retirement account transfer, fixing the Mini so we can sell it, finally moving his stuff over from Dublin... We can say we'll stay on budget, but it's all a lot right now.

So I'm like the athlete with her feet in the blocks, waiting for the sound of the gun. You try not to stress, instead to free your mind and just run, and to trust that you've done all you could up until this point and remain calm, because you know that you'll actually do better if you relax. But somehow you still notice a bead of sweat dripping down your brow.

Now!? Really????

We knew this weekend would be a busy one. Gerd moved out of his office yesterday, but we still need to go back for the furniture he's taking for his home office, and for the supplies that will be donated to my school. On top of that we've got a bathroom floor to finish, along with (hopefully) a bathroom flange and vanity installation.

So although I've been looking forward to my Fedco order, I'm not exactly ecstatic that everything came this weekend. We were expecting it NEXT weekend. The weekend that my parents could actually come and bring the rototiller. The weekend after Gerd's office move. The weekend after we finished the bathroom....


Nope. They're here now, like a premature baby. I've got Reliance Seedless Grapes, Polana Raspberries, Western Sandcherry bushes, and Lowbush Blueberry bushes. I was pretty sure there was more on the way, but I'm wondering if I removed the cherries (Sandcherries are supposed to be more like plums). Hmm.

I've not had a lot of luck with dry root plants, so we'll see how it goes. The order was expensive enough that I really need to get it right this time. I'm not sure I will though, the guide tells me that I should avoid planting fruit trees in south facing yards, but that's all I've got. I'm also running into problems with the Ph level of the soil. My new blueberries (thankfully NOT dry root) are supposed to have soil that's a Ph of no higher than 5.6. Mine is around 7.0ish. At least the best I can tell from my novice chemistry kit. I'm really wishing I'd learned more science in high school and college.


So upon my step-father's instructions we're soaking the plants for tomorrow's planting. I figure if I can get up early enough I can get to the garden center and buy supplies (including soil amendments to lower Ph level), come home and plant everything before noon....ha. I'm leaning toward pushing off the furniture retrieval mission until Sunday so that all the house stuff is done first. That should cut down on the mess before bringing new stuff into a construction dust house, right?