Friday, July 31, 2009

Oh THATs what it feels like

Since I moved I've met friends. Mostly acquaintances really. Known people well enough not to feel completely isolated. I've gone out for drinks and movies and dinner. I've thrown parties, some of them even fairly big hits.

But there's been something lonely about Boston for me. It's harder to meet truly deep friends when you're in your 30s. I don't have a kid connection with anyone and I can't seem to regularly attend anything that would resemble a community. I really should make more of an effort there.

German Stammtisch is something I wouldn't have expected to be my normal venue, but it has been the community I haven't found elsewhere. It's the one thing I try my hardest to make every week and miss most when I can't go, and tonight explains why.

Alexis who recently returned from living in Germany decided that we should go shopping for a bed. She convinced me and another friend of hers to meet up at the Boston Bed Company and we went around testing all the mattresses. Somehow you know you've made a friend when you can have a blast buying a bed.

Very very slowly the loneliness here drips away, kind of like an ice cube in winter. But somehow I know it's getting better. In fact, I'd say I'm pretty happy.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

No Hotel Room

I thought it was all arranged. My cousin is getting married in August and we're going out to see the wedding. The plan WAS to stay at a bed and breakfast that's located a block from the reception.

It's not that I think the reception will be anything wild enough to warrant a nearby bed, my cousin is a known teetotaler. He's having one sip of champagne to toast, because that's the thing you do at weddings. It's just that it would be close by and DONE. There are so many outstanding things I have to do (like find the title for my car and cash last month's last check) that I'd love to have at least one thing accomplished.

As I said, I THOUGHT it was arranged, but a phone call today announced otherwise. Two night minimum stay. They want us to either stay two nights, book two nights even though we'll only be there one, or wait until the week before to find out if it's still available. So now I'm left wondering if I should just book a hotel room after all or wait it out.

G says we should wait. If a room isn't available in the B & B we can always book a room in the hotel. I say that's one more thing to check up on. I know the place just want's to earn a decent living, but they should really put their minimum stay requirements on their website.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Peace

I love having people come visit, I really do. It's just that lately we've had a lot of trips to visit others, and a lot of people staying with us too. So, while I was thrilled to have my cousin and his fiance come visit, I was a bit exhausted before they even arrived. Already I can't believe I'll have to go to work again tomorrow.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Cod Questions

I'm more and more glad that I didn't join the CSF (community supported fishery) like I had initially intended. It was the threat of worms that swayed me against it, but I've since learned that the Cape Ann CSF, while local, isn't eco-friendly. The majority of their product is cod, which, according to the Monterey Bay Aquarium's website, is an endangered fish. Apparently only 10% of the cod population is still in the ocean. Not only did questions of types of fish caught by Cape Ann arise, but HOW they fish, which is by bottom trawl (dragging) which pulls up all kinds of fish that get killed and thrown back in the ocean.

I didn't pull this information up myself, I read it from the localvores blog that I occasionally glance at. If I hadn't gone to the site I would have no idea and would have believed that the CSF was a great idea. It's becoming more and more difficult to figure out what food is good to eat.

In an ideal world I would belong to a CSA and buy all additional foods from local farmers markets. I would freeze or can foods for winter and live entirely off of locally produced food that I know is grown/harvested the way I want it to be. There are a few problems with this though.

A) On weeknights I don't cook. Food often goes to waste if I don't find some day/time to do a mass cooking experience.

B) Gerd's dinner diet is not veggie friendly. I ended up switching our biweekly food basket (not a CSA but organic) to 3/4 fruit because the veggies weren't getting eaten. Even the 1/4 veggies sometimes rot before I get to them. Dinner is typically bread with cheese and salami. It's not my favorite dinner, but it's easy, filling, and I don't have to cook.

C) We also eat out a lot. Breakfast and lunch I've pretty much been eating out or eating leftovers from when we go out. Now that I'm at work again, I really want to get away during lunch. I've tried to convince myself that I could eat a home lunch and then go for a walk, but it's not the same thing. I want to sit somewhere nice, not surrounded by broken desks and mismatched chairs and relax for a while. I had put together a breakroom for this purpose before I left, but within a month of my departure they threw the couch away and set up the table as an instructor desk.

I used to cook once a week and then store the food for the week. I'm trying to get back to that system, even if it isn't with local foods, just to get back on track with a healthy diet. Oat ne of my problems though, is that whenever I go into a grocery store I can't find anything that I want to eat. I want to eat in season foods, which are hard to identify, and I want to cook from scratch. If I go into the store with a recipe it may not be in season, and if I don't go in with a recipe I have no idea what to cook.

I am so frustrated with the food issue. I really don't know what I should be doing to ensure that I'm eating conscientiously.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Dreams

Well, G's in Israel again, which may explain part of this dream, but not all of it.

I dreamt G was out on the deck grilling and when I looked over the balcony our house was on the bay and several yachts were docked at our deck. A hammock connected one yacht to our deck, and on the hammock were several plants that needed to be watered.

I went over to water the plants, but when I got onto the hammock it fell into the ocean along with me and all the plants. I had my cell phone with me, and despite being dunked in the water, it still worked. I called G to ask him to come over and help me out of the water, but his cell phone was inside the house and set to vibrate. He couldn't hear the phone ring, but I was getting tired treading water.

I swam over to the yacht and found a stairway on the side leading up to the deck. I got about halfway up and then I realized that there was an attack dog on the deck of the ship. He kept barking and keeping me away from the top of the ladder. I clung to the side of the ship and called the coast guard for help (who knows how I had the phone number for the coast guard).

I woke up before I could be rescued. I believed that help was on the way, but my arms were tired and I couldn't sit on the edge because of the dog. I tried calling G again, with no answer.

I have no idea what it could mean, but I do know that I want a home phone. We don't have one now, but I woke up thinking that I'd really like a phone that rings in the house.

Friday, July 17, 2009

The Army Job

I decided to take the Army job. Why? I'm asking myself the same question right now.

I really don't fit in. I drive up in my little Honda Civic and park next to all the SUVs and wonder what I was thinking. Too late for unemployment, if I quit it's my fault, not the economy's.

I learned very quickly not to talk politics. Even the most normal looking people can have some strange ideas about our government.

Also, according to the majority of people, we're on the road to Socialism. Do they really know what Socialism is? That Socialism isn't one governmental assistance program (and if it was we're already socialist)? If they're referring to health care I'd like to see them deal with an privatized HMO plan for the military (everyone would be up in arms if they had to pay a deductible).

Don't talk about the environment, or schools, or religion, or any other topic that people have different opinions on.

Already I think most them don't like me, I am a liberal after all, and I generally play by the rule book. I have a high standard and I don't like to cheat the system, even if I think the system might deserve to get cheated once in a while (its certainly cheated a few people here and there).

But the money's good, and the school needs instructors. So I'll try to hang onto it as long as I can. It's possible that I'll feel like I'm selling out too much, or that everyone drives me insane, or even that I drive everyone else insane. What's important for me to remember is that I can quit (or be fired I suppose). Either would kill any chance I'd have of another job like this, but that may be no loss in the end. Only time will tell if I can stick it out for 10 weeks.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Decompression

On a trip back from New York City I had to stop for gas.

I hate it when people don't pull through to the far side of the gas pumps, so when the huge truck that pulled in right before me stopped at the first pump, I rolled down my window and asked him if he could pull through (politely).

I hate it when people ignore me. He just went about his business, opening his gas cap, getting his wallet out of his pocket. So I asked him again, louder, and directly. As he was swiping his card, he finally replied something to the tune of, "I've already activated the gas".

I told him he was an asshole (parting shot) as I started backing up to find another pump. He got belligerent and tried to storm my car and then finally spit on the hood of my car.

I repeated (this time angrily) that he was an asshole and drove around the gas station to find a pump catercorner to his truck. The station was fairly busy and that was the only accessible one.

As I got my card out and started pumping gas he yelled over to me that I should "get the stick out of my ass" and that I was a bitch.

I told him he should be glad someone let him know he was being an asshole, explained that nice people usually make room for other drivers and don't ignore others either. He repeated his stick out of ass comments and we ignored each other from there on out.

I wish I were wittier. I could have handled the whole situation with humor and made him laugh while maybe making my point. I don't like causing conflict, and I wish I hadn't yelled, it certainly doesn't do any good anyway. And, I have to wonder, is it good to be told that I'm a bit stiff? I'd rather decompress a sticky situation than cause more problems. Was I unjust?

But somehow I always find myself reacting to what I consider "injustices". Why don't people act the way they should (I suppose I should include myself in this). It seems like a little consideration would go a long way. I for instance, could have considered the source. Here's a guy who spits on cars, what kind of standard should I expect?

Friday, July 10, 2009

Mind, Body, Spirit

I've believed for a while that we're only healthy when we're working on all three, mind, body, spirit. Despite my best efforts, I haven't been doing much of that lately. Well, unless you count googling Hollywood gossip as mental stimulation.

So I joined a gym. It may not be the best fiscal decision for an unemployed teacher who just quit her fallback job, but I decided it would be worth the cost. I did save some cash, however, by joining the YMCA, which is a bit better priced than some other places near me. It's the oldest YMCA in the U.S. and has four floors of workout space along with an indoor pool.

I even signed up for 3 sessions with a personal trainer. I'm not sure yet if it will be worth it (I know how to design a fitness program for myself) but time will tell. My hope is that, by having a trainer, I'll be motivated to meet goals and make more aggressive fitness goals for myself. (Normally my goals involve just showing up at the gym and being active for a while)

Sure, this doesn't address Mind or Spirit, but I think I've got it covered (or will soon). I'm going to enroll in the Harvard Extension School for one class (open admission) and possibly do an online ESL program through Northeastern. I found out I still have two years of GI bill benefits, and I intend to use them!

Spiritual growth is probably the hardest for me right now. Gerd, a self proclaimed atheist, although with discussion is more like an agnostic, asked me yesterday what I believed happens to people when they die. It was the 5 year anniversary of his father's death. It's a hard question for me to answer.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Palin

Apparently Palin is still a viable candidate for the 2012 presidential race. Why? I really wanted to like her. She's a woman who represents the "everyday" person, who isn't, or wasn't I suppose, filthy rich and disconnected from the needs of the middle class.

Unfortunately she has narrow views, is under-educated, and is at best a confusing speaker. And now she's quit her job 1/2 way through her term? Perhaps she quit so she can become more educated on current events and see a speech coach. Unless she somehow learns to open her mind any additional education would be wasted on her.

I would be very afraid of her as president and frankly I find it scary that she has a large following. How can her followers ignore the mountain she made out of Letterman's comments? If she can blow up about something small like that how in the world would we avoid war?

I sincerely hope she's decided that politics are not for her. Maybe she'll work as an evil lobbyist or corporate sell-out girl. Either is preferential than her running the country.

Monday, July 6, 2009

D-Day

Today's the day. I have to tell Moriarty I won't be coming back for the school year. Abject poverty for the year with no security for the future, here I come.

But once the decision is made, it's made. The goal is to free myself from fear. We could very easily end up in a huge bind later this year. Gerd's job is none to secure, finding permanent work (in or out of teaching) is unrealistic right now. Our fall back plans are falling away (I can't pick up and move to Ireland, my house in New Mexico is rented and I won't have a job...)

It's time to develop faith.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Happiness

I've always believed that you have to work for happiness. I don't know if the idea is right or not, or how the idea rooted itself in my head, but the concept that happiness won't find you if you're not looking has been with me for quite a while.

It seems like there are so many problems that we can encounter in life that things won't go your way unless you make a deliberate attempt to line up your life towards happiness. It's like the ant who prepared all summer for the winter. You'll run out of food if you don't prepare, like the grasshopper.

But recently I've wondered if I'm laboring under a false premise. Some of the happiest things I've found have occurred WITHOUT planning. I never would have dreamed that I would live IN Boston (a dream I'd had right after college and rejected out of fiscal realism).

So perhaps happiness just happens. But I have to question, is living in Boston like the grasshopper who ran out of food in the winter? Will my happiness run short without better planning? And if so, should I care?

Should I bask in the light of happiness while it's with me? When happiness leaves maybe we'll just migrate. Other proverbs say that you shouldn't worry about the future, leave tomorrow's worries for tomorrow, and that sort of idea.

All I know is that I like a plan. I like goals. I like knowing what I want out of life.

Friday, July 3, 2009

I'm not the only one

On Facebook a friend stated that she was about to build an ark. That of course, generated a bunch of sympathetic responses from the rest of our Bostonian friends. Turns out, MANY people are ready for the sun. We might just get some too, I can actually see a partial blue sky today. If we don't however, Boston.com has posted an Ark Building 101 article that follows.

How to Build an Ark.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

New Tags

Since I'm looking at staying IN Boston instead of moving, I'm probably going to need my car back soon, at least until I find full time work that's nearby.

I should be hired as a contractor for 10 weeks and in the mean time I'm looking at non-profit jobs related to volunteer coordination or adult education. I have my fingers crossed for a position in which I would coordinate volunteers for an education based Americorp program in Dorchester. I'm trying not to hope too much because I don't want to be disappointed, and I haven't officially applied yet, but I really, really, hope I get the job. I've already got tons of ideas for volunteer training sessions.

My car, however, is a lingering problem. It's still registered in New Mexico...sort of. They yanked my registration a few months ago when I became uninsured in New Mexico. I think that's cleared up, but I can't register it in New York (where the car is currently located) without the title (which I can't find). I don't necessarily want to register it in Massachusetts either because I might just need it for 10 weeks and it'll go right back to New York again. I'd prefer not to need it ever again, but that's a little unlikely.

Then there's the more mundane decision about car registration...which state has the best plates.

New Mexico actually has the nicest plates I think, but it's not an option. Massachusetts plates are boring unless you buy the "special plates" which are okay. I would just need to decide if I want a whale tale, big fish, or lighthouse on my plates. There are some others, including a veteran's plate, but all of them are fairly lame looking. New York has about a gazillion special plates. You can get a BMW club of America plate or a plate that says you're an accupuncturist. Some of them are very specific (there's a plate for Jewish War Veterans of America). I can support a variety of causes like librarys, agriculture in education, museums, and the arts.

Who knew there were so many choices out there.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

New Discovery

Yeay, cool website:

Smitten Kitchen

19 Days

I counted. That's the number of cold and rainy days we've had in June. We've also had only 7 days above 75 degrees. This combined with the 17 days of rain in April and the 15 days above 60 degrees means we've had some terrible spring weather. Letterman's joked recently about it in New York (they have similar weather) and it's becoming a frequent topic of conversation among EVERYONE in the Boston metro area.

Today it's 59 degrees with a chance of 63 degree weather, cloudy with a 40 percent chance of rain.