FitBit

My Christmas present was a Fitbit.  I've wanted one for a while, but really didn't think we should spend the money.  My iPhone has a fitness app on it, and I started tracking my steps, only to figure out that it just wasn't reliable.  I'm really happy with the Fitbit that we got (the Charge) since it can double as a watch. 

I find myself watching my steps all day.  I'm at 8,931 today, and 2093 of those were from a workout at the gym.  While I'm not at the 10,000 people said I would get to just by living the life of a stay at home(ish) mom, I think (considering it isn't the end of the day yet) that I'm not doing too badly.  I already suspected that I wasn't as active as I should be, but at least I probably will log in 8,000/day without a work out at the gym. 

Today was my first day of going gluten free again.  I dropped gluten, dairy, and sugar, which is really, really difficult to do (although I've done so before).  I'm not kidding myself, this isn't going to last forever, but I've really got to get out of the holiday pattern.  I'm quietly dieting, watching what I eat.  I'm unwilling to do the entire container method from the 21 day fix, but I'm trying to rely on my memory of what is or isn't allowed in a day.  Cutting out gluten should help anyway. 

I would like to say I'm just doing this for my health.  I mean, I am, so I'm healthier.  But I also want to loose a little weight too.  I may never look like my 20 year old self, but I want to look like my best 40 year old self!

Lets see how this goes!

Public Schools

Today, the kids had a pajama party at their public preschool.  When I arrived to drop them off, I found out they would be watching a video in school.  No notice given, no permission slip, and I still don't know what movie. 

When I mentioned to another mother that I was upset that they didn't notify us about the movie, she said that her kindergartner watches small TV clips EVERY DAY in Kindergarten.  TV, she said, is regular practice, and is used as "down time' for the kids.  I'm not so okay with that.  In fact, I'm pretty much freaking out.  First, that TV is used regularly in school anyway.  Second, that students need down time in Kindergarten.  Third, that down time gets associated with television rather than physical play. 

One of three things will happen if I find out this is true.  A) we will find a private school for the kids, B) I will homeschool them or C) we will move to Canada or Europe.  Well that last bit was already on the books in case Trump stands a chance as becoming president anyway. 

Maybe, if I hold the kids out until they're 6, I'll revise my opinion that they can go to a school that is so strenuous that they need TV to relax.  I wouldn't hold my breath on that one though.  Of course my husband totally thinks I'm overreacting, but I just can't see how any of this is what I want for my children.

Still Sad

I mentioned earlier in a blog post that I was actually looking forward to my 40th birthday. I suppose a part of that was also me looking forward to celebrating with friends and family, because I really, really wanted a special birthday this year. Originally, before my husband lost his job, I was considering a getaway to somewhere exotic. Ideally a getaway that would involve some of my closer friends, lots of massages, lots of drinks, and somewhere warm. Of course that idea was thrown out, although I still had hope that he would find something quickly and I could pull off a last minute trip somewhere. But of course that didn't happen. And then, my futile attempts to plan something completely fell through. I organized dinner and my own cake, my mother brought some decorations, at least there was something. But everyone knows I was disappointed (am disappointed) which isn't really what I want either. I suppose I should have just kept a thick upper lip.

 When I see my counselor, she tells me that when something bothers you, it usually relates to something deeper. It makes sense, if my birthday didn't somehow connect with some bigger emotion, I would probably be like, hey bummer, oh well. But I got to thinking about it all, and I can kind of see where this whole thing starts. Originally I thought it started with my wedding. Or lack of wedding. I was pregnant, and realized I wanted to be married before giving birth. I knew it shouldn't have mattered, but it did. So Gerd and I started planning a hasty wedding, camp style in the Adirondacks. We were on our way up there to look at sites for the wedding when I started to miscarry. After that, we decided we still wanted to get married, but my heart just wasn't whole enough to plan a real wedding. We thought we would plan a ceremony later, except we never did. I wanted my dad to walk me down the aisle, but he told me it would be a fake wedding anyway, since I was already married, and I kind of lost the spirit. And I thought that was it.

But if I look back a little further, we get to my first wedding that didn't happen. I was engaged, the date was set (June 25th), venue reserved and paid for. I had a dress, booked the caterers, and was still working on invitations and entertainment. Then I got ordered to report to Ft. Huachuca, then Iraq for 545 days. When I tried to convince my then-fiance to elope, he said he wasn't ready (and then changed his mind, but for me it was too late, I wasn't willing to marry if there had been a question mark). When I arrived at inprocessing, I asked when we would actually deploy, if there would be any way for me to pull off our actual wedding before leaving. With their sidelong glances, I realized my actual deployment date was June 25th. It was interesting to see how organized everything really was. Sure enough, 4 months later, we arrived in Kuwait on June 26th (we left on the 25th).

There are very few opportunities we have for "life celebrations". Weddings, big birthdays, and funerals. And I suppose I could do something when I'm 50, or just randomly throw a party sometime, but for me this date was significant. And it feels like every chance I have to celebrate, something bad happens. War, miscarriage, job loss, well, my luck is not exactly stellar here. And I feel a little like I tried to play that trust building game where you fall back and someone's supposed to catch you, except they didn't. Individuals do care about me, and new friends like me, but nobody was there. Individuals say, lets grab a drink, lets get our nails done, lets go out another time, and that is meaningful and appreciated. But it does nothing to erase the sadness that stems from feeling like I have never, and never will be, surrounded by friends who I love and who love me. Perhaps I am not really loved, or even lovable. I've always wondered if people would even have come to my wedding if I'd actually had it. I kind of think they wouldn't have.

I realize how absurd it is to care about something like this when other people are worrying about putting food on the table, or sick kids, or any assortment of bad things that can happen in life. Heck, I should be more worried about Gerd's job search than whether or not I get a party. But it's pretty rare for me to open up my heart to the idea that people will care about me. After I got my heart broken the first time, I don't think I've been the same about trusting people with my heart. And I think I was doing a bit better. I was opening up again for the first time in a long, long time. I'm not sure why my ideals of people caring about me hinged on a birthday party (I suppose I've got a bit of work to do there) but I am truly, deeply hurt, in a way that is out of proportion with the situation. While I would like to believe I'll just get over it anytime now, there's something to this, deep enough, that I think this is something I'm going to carry around for a while. So I suppose right now I am just sitting with this, accepting that I'm hurt. And I'll figure out how to deal with it, later.

The Wrong Way

On Friday we had a workshop at school that completely changed the way I want to teach. Call it a lightning moment. My own practice was honed on what is considered "best practice" and involves something called the zone of proximal development. Google it sometime to see what I mean. It's all about pushing students out of their comfort zone so they develop deeper analytical thought. Turns out it's not a great thing, or at least not the way I was taught it to be. Students should be able to get 80% of any assignment right according to new research based analysis. That's pretty much the opposite of zpd. Opposite everything I've been taught. And my reaction to this? Maybe I'm not a horrible teacher. Maybe I was taught something that isn't effective. My methodology is archaic, just like older teachers were taught rote instruction was best, and memorization over analysis was preferred. As a teacher, you always know that something new and better can come out. I mean, we look at older teachers and think they're doing things in an old fashioned (read bad) way. Now I realize I'm that teacher. I'm mad, relieved, exhausted, and worried all at the same time. Can I adapt to a new teaching methodology? Should I take some formal training? Would I now be able to successfully teach secondary education? One of the reasons I moved out of secondary we was the feeling that I was just a bad teacher. Perhaps I would still be a bad teacher. I love teaching esol, and whatever level I end up teaching, I think I'll try to stick with that, despite feeling like my own mastery isn't really, well, mastered. Fortunately for me, adult Ed provides me with a safe place to learn and grow. I will be experimenting with some new ideas soon.

Torn

Caring for the environment and living in the states, sometimes I'm torn between my ideals and a life that seems normal (is normal I guess) and compromises seem extremely difficult to make. Car choices, for instance. It's pretty common around here to see large AWD SUVs. We live in the Northeast, and the snow can be brutal. Buying a car that is "safer" makes sense. When we bought the "family car" we bought a Honda CRV because it had great safety ratings, had a car length that would still allow for parallel parking in the city, was AWD, had okay gas mileage (or so we thought), and lots of space for luggage. Also, we kind of lucked out. After looking around for a potential replacement I found out that car seat placement is much more difficult in other models. Actually, Honda is pretty awesome about making sure car seats fit in all of their cars. Fast forward to the suburbs. We no longer need to worry about length, not that I want a boat. We do, however, drive more. When inlaws visit or we have people over, we need to drive to get places...sometimes even if that place is the nearest MBTA station. Since we have 2 kids in car seats, that leaves room for 3 adults in the car (including the driver). While we are lucky that we can fit an extra adult in the back, we are still limited. We need one more seat. If we drive anywhere with the inlaws, now we need to take 2 cars, which is not exactly fuel efficient either. And speaking about fuel efficiency, the CRV is still an SUV. I once said I didn't want to own a car that got under 40mpg. We are a far cry from there. In short, the car served our needs, but now that our situation has changed, we can look at other options. Should we go with a bigger car that fits guests (and potentially carpoolers someday in the future) or a car that is more fuel efficient. If we were wealthier the best option would likely be a hybrid Highlander. Too bad we just can't afford one right now. Another cost efficient option would be a Volvo Xc90. HORRIBLE fuel efficiency, but a car that is built to last a long time. Or stick with what we've got for a while longer and change at a later date, which was the plan until our tires started cupping, after the TPMS light came on, and the tires were less than a year old. So. Do we keep this car another year, knowing that we need new tires (we still are driving on snow tires from last winter) and they might have the same problem. We have already put in nearly $2000 on this car this year, more if you count the new catalytic converter that was covered under warranty. Part of me says that we should just go ahead and get the Volvo. It's what I'd like. It's socially normal to buy the car you want. But I just can't let go of the fact that it has terrible gas mileage. I keep trying to remind myself that perhaps we can't have everything we like if we want to do our best for the environment. In 2 years, or maybe even just 1 year, I hope to trade in our Yaris for an electric car. An electric car is just in line with what I want for our environment. But if I plan to do that, do I really want 2 car payments at the same time? My head spins round and round about this type of thing. I really don't know the answer, so we keep driving the CRV until we figure it out.Lets just hope it doesn't need any other repairs before I figure out an answer.

Kid Free Weekend

We sent the children for a weekend with Grandma and Grandpa to catch up on things and relax. September has been brutal, and I really needed a little space to be able to think again. The experience of living without our kids is pretty surreal. I think I'll have to do it again sometime, because it really reminds me of how much easier life is without kids. Don't get me wrong, I'll take my kids over easy any day, but it's true. I find that I'm forgiving myself for all the things I DON'T do on a regular basis with kids. In one weekend, we managed to relax, AND get stuff done around the house. With kids, it's pretty much either or. The biggest difference is that I'm completely wiped out in the evenings with kids around. We managed to put a puzzle together, make dinner, watch a movie, chat with a friend, and I wasn't falling asleep. Today I tackled our bedroom. For the first time in I don't know how long, our bedroom is not just put away, but clean. I knew, and I think everyone does know, that kids take a lot of energy. I just didn't realize how much. So I'm going to be a little lighter on myself. I simply don't have the energy to do what we did this weekend with kids around. And that's okay. I miss my kids (they've been gone two nights). I LIKE spending my energy on my kids.

The meaning of my name

Recently, a Facebook quiz, what does your name mean, has been filling my news feed. I can tell you that the meaning of my name has always been important to me since the day my mother told me my name was given to me by God. Why this name? Why not another. And because my name has always been important, I can tell you that the Facebook quiz results are hogwash. 

My name really means house of... And what the house is of has been up for interpretation. Some references say wine, others God. I recently searched again and saw reference to song. The idea behind house is a safe place, somewhere that something resides. 

So, I can interpret my name as a place where song and joyfulness in God resides. As someone who loves to sing, and who connects with God through music, that seems just about right. 

But I've recently had another aha moment with my name. A safe place to reside. I have a near compulsion to offer my own physical house as a place for people to reside when they are in need. Although I have never set out to do this, situation after situation presents itself to me, and I end up opening my doors once again. I've come to believe it is something I'm simply called to do. I'm not saying I can't say no, really, but it gives me great joy to be able to offer up my house again.

Now that I have children, I expected this to slow down. Instead I found an Au Pair, and then another, so I find myself continuing to do the same thing. And I'm offering my house in New Mexico up for a family in transition. I don't say this to brag or inflate myself, but rather look at this objectively and am amazed that once again, this is where I find myself again. 

So why do I have my name, well, I'm beginning to understand that this is one thing I simply am. I am a house, a place of refuge, a place to join and sing a song of thanks to God. I am a place in which God resides. 

Composing in my mind

I've been writing on this blog for 7 years. Wow. That's crazy. The past 3 years have been pretty irregular, and I'm not going to say it'll get any better (to anyone who might actually be looking at this blog now and then...). But it's interesting to note that even when I'm not writing stuff down, I'm composing in my head. I wonder if I put everything down, what kind of brilliant thoughts I might actually have...

It's the dawn of a new school year. I back to mornings,and the kids will be in school part time, so it will be interesting to see what happens now that ill have a little time to myself. 

My guess is that the house won't actually get that much cleaner. Even with a new Au Pair on her way. 

I'm hoping I will find some time to simplify things. I think ill have to be stick with the no iPad during the day rule. I'm pretty sure I've been addicted to the internet for at least 15 years. 

Maybe I'll have time to sort out a few lingering problems that need to be solved. A will, a trust, a closer look at our retirement accounts. 

Maybe my house WILL get cleaner. 

Perhaps I'll read more. Hopefully something that keeps my brain active. Perhaps a devotional too. 

Maybe I'll do a crossword puzzle. Maybe I'll start writing again. 

I'm really hoping at least some of these things happen. 

Today is a day of looking forward, looking back, and letting go (specifically of one toxic relationship). Maybe I'll go make my lists now. Hope I can even find the list in a year!

An eye opening idea

I had an idea that grabbed ahold of me today, so I'm hurrying to write it down before I move on and forget. 

At work, I'm very conscientious about getting to school early. I need time to prepare for the day, ready my lessons and review my plans. Basically, I need time before I see my students. 

I don't do that with my children. I wake up only when they wake me up. This is a problem. My children are my most important students. I will begin setting an alarm clock again for the first time in years and years. 

I've been without a regular alarm clock for nearly 10 years. While I believe that waking up in one's natural rhythm is important, being prepared and ready for the day might just be more important. 

And maybe, if I do it right, I will start waking up before the alarm, and actually starting my day without 30 minutes of Facebook and email. 

Two hours

I'm pretty open about my internet addiction. The first thing I do in the morning is check my email, Facebook, and often the mom's forum I'm a member of, and often The "news" on Huff Post. All in all, maybe 10-20 minutes. 

I'm getting better about checking my phone throughout the day if I'm with the kids. Not perfect, but better. I find I'm on my phone more if I'm tired, stressed, or need a mini escape. If I run to the bathroom, I often grab my phone and scroll through status updates while on the potty. Unless a child joins me. Then I'm too busy trying to make sure they keep the door closed. 

When the kids are in bed, I move to my iPad. I check FB, surf the web, look up blogs, check the news again, check the mom's forum, and check my email again. This can easily run into 2 hours of screen time. 

I'm very aware that kids will pick up my internet habits like they pick up my eating habits. Whatever they see happen is what they will do. I really don't want my kids on screens 2 hours a day, but I'm not quite sure how to realistically limit my time on iPads. 

I've spent the last few weeks considering why and when I'm using my iPhone or iPad, and I've come to a few conclusions. 

A) I'm using an iPad as an escape. I'm often lonely, tired, and emotionally spent by the end of the day. If I wasn't surfing the web, I would be reading fluff romance novels, because I don't have the mental energy to do anything more, or "real". But honestly, I don't even have the patience to make it through a novel right now either. 

B) I've been connecting to online forums since I was 16 years old. Although it's not the "real world" there's a piece of me that really enjoys being an extroverted introvert. I'm a quiet person, but I have a voice on the internet. Sometimes too big a voice, but it enjoy having that voice. 

C) I have a list of things I think I would do if I didn't have an iPad, but I'm pretty sure I still wouldn't do them. When I was unemployed for a number of months right after leaving the military, I thought I would be able to get a ton of stuff done. Nope. You pretty much do what you do, and if exercise and self improvement were higher on my list, I would make time for them. 

D) Which means that my current need to relax, communicate, and escape must be met in a more productive way. I haven't figured out what that should look like yet.

E) What I DO know, is that I work best in routine, and will need to develop some other new routine if I have any hope of breaking this endless online time suck anytime soon.  

Overall, my iPhone has been a life changing instrument. I use the maps, text, email, calendar, and phone features daily. I no longer miss appointments or get lost. I keep in contact better with good friends, although it could be argued that I would have deeper, better conversations if I held off and called later, not the exact moment something popped into my mind while roaming through the grocery store. Still, I instantly know which brand of cheese to buy, or pick up that one item that I didn't know we were out of, without needing to make a second trip. 

I love using my iPad, and would hate to switch back to a laptop. But it's dying (after 4 years of steady use) and so slow it drives me crazy. Part of me wants to go buy another one so I can keep using a tool that I love. Part of me things it's a perfect time to break the addiction. 

I'm thinking of coming up with some sort of rules that I would want my children to abide by and follow them myself. But to do that I really need to consider what I think is a reasonable use of screen time. Yeah. So... Off to search the web for rules other parents put in place for screen time....

Changes brewing

Just when I got comfortable, and complacent, I find out here are some big job changes on the horizon for my husband. While they're still in progress, I felt an initial fear of"oh my goodness we're going to end up homeless!"  We aren't (by the grace of God and a decent severance package) going to end up homeless. 

Before, I've never minded too much the idea of moving. I've moved so often it's old hat. But I do feel like our current house is more home-ish than others, and I would be sad to need to move. We will just have to see how it goes. We want to stay local, so it's possible. But even local could mean a move to have a better commute to work. 

If we really did have to move farther away, my husband wouldn't mind California. Their droughts concern me, and I'm not a big fan of earthquakes, but otherwise like California a lot. But if we moved away, if rather it be Denver. A few hours from New Mexico, I could get back home once in a while. But I'm open to Berlin too, even though that lifestyle change would be a huge leap for me. 

But honestly, we've got it pretty good where we are now. Overall, I'm happy. I'll be even more happy when my husband's next job is lined up!

Looking Ahead to 40.

This month marks my self-imposed cutoff date. Well, I suppose I could extend one month, but right now, I'm not sure why I would. I decided that IF I would have another baby, I wanted it to be before my 40th birthday. Too many risks after that, and too much life to move onto. I wouldn't say I put much effort into making a 3rd child a reality, but the possibility remained. 

This week my hormones have been completely out of control. I suspect that as I get older, and my fertility window naturally begins to close, my PMS symptoms are worsening. I seriously entertained the thougt that this could be it, a 7th hour baby. But, no, I'm not pregnant, and I'm pretty sure having another child wouldn't be in the cards for us, even if I did extend my deadline. 

I have some melancholy moments, sad that I never did get the little girl I've always dreamed of having, but overall, I'm surprized to feel pretty okay with where I'm at. I suppose it helps to think that my body just got to an age where it isn't an option. Time just ran out. 

So I've decided to look at the positive and consider why I'm okay. 

1) Costs aren't going to go up. We are already juggling costs of an Au Pair and preschool, and all the other costs that go along with young children. We won't have to worry about that cost increasing even more. 

2) Gerd has more flexibility with his job. Working from home has been great for young children, and given my husband the flexibility to spend a lot of time with our twins. If I had had another child, I'm sure he would have wanted to hang onto his current job another year or two (and he still can) but he now can feel guilt free if another interesting job comes available. 

3) I can finally clear out my basement. In the back of my mind, I've thought that I shouldn't really get rid of any of our big ticket kid items, because what if I had another kid? Now I can really clear some stuff out that we won't need. It will definitely help with the Au Pair agency fee that we're looking at paying this summer. 

4) Traveling is only going to get easier. Since we make regular trips to see family, both in the states and abroad, travel is a big concern. We aren't going to have to worry about keeping twin preschoolers entertained while taking care of a baby. 

5) We can settle into a car of our choice. Maybe we will keep the CRV, or maybe we will trade it, but either way we won't be forced into a mini-van that neither of us really wants. 

6) I can finally look into a dermatologist and try to get adult acne under control. Many of the medicines are not okay if you're pregnant, so I haven't bothered, because if I did get pregnant, I would put a potential child at risk. 

7) In a similar vein, I can really start trying to put my body back together. I've been working out, but always cautiously, because even though logically exercise is good for you, emotionally I felt like if I didn't take it easy I might ruin my chances of getting pregnant. Gone are the excuses. 

8) I can start putting my own career back together. Right now I'm going with the status quo, but in a few years I'll be ready for a change, another baby would have delayed that change by another 2 years. 

9) Gerd and I can continue to carve out some time to be together without the kids. It's nice to go on a date sometimes!

10) I can finally let go of the dream. Hoping month after month is exhausting. I'll put an iud in and not wonder at the end of the month, could I be pregnant? I suppose it's hard to give up hope, but I'm working on changing my inner voice. 

It's the end of an age. I feel like the 30's were kind of a no mans land. Not quite young, not old, not exactly middle aged either. Staring at 40, it feels different. Instead of dreading it, I find myself looking forward to redefining who I am. I don't have to dread being middle aged, I simply AM middle aged. I hope to be a happy, active, considerate, giving, middle aged woman who is a loving mother, hard working employee, dedicated gardener, and good friend. Giving up on the dream of another child lets me focus on the me I want to become (well, as much as I can, I do still have young children!). I'm very happy to move into another phase of my life. 

Relieved to be paid in full

We made a very expensive mistake on our taxes a few years back and have been working at fixing it all. Finally, we have our penalty paid and we can move on. Such a relief. 

Living tight

Theoretically, we should be doing pretty well. While we have only 1 income (plus a very small second income from my part time work) we live in Boston.  I know where I could cut costs and live a little easier, but really, I'm fighting tooth and nail to make our money stretch where we want it to go. 

We will keep doing the following as long as it remains at all possible:

An Au Pair for this year, and potentially next year. It seems like the ultimate splurge, but the benefit of adding another German speaker to our household is huge. It's also a fairly affordable option for childcare. This year we paid the agency fee ($7000) from the proceeds of our house sale and then are only responsible for the monthly pay ($600) we give to Debbi. Sure, there are some hidden costs (like our car insurance rates) but other than that, we haven't seen a huge increase. Next year we will need to divide the agency fee into a payment plan, so our monthly cost will end up doubling ($1200) plus we will need to pay for preschool ($600-$900/month).  As we are deciding on preschools, we have pretty much realized that this will mean we can't choose some of our preferred programs, but we may be able to afford the public (lottery) program along with the Au pair, or 3 days a week at one of the more affordable nearby programs. We are also looking into ways to reduce the agency fee (finding someone who can come for 6-9 months instead of 12, or in-country transfers for someone who wants to experience a different setting). 

One trip to Germany a year. Well, this might be slightly adjusted. We may do one trip in 18 months. Our most recent trip was terribly expensive (flights alone ran up to $5000) since we now need 4 tickets. We will hold off until next summer, and make it a long trip. Summer trips are much easier, and much more fun. Gerd's grandmother is really starting to show her age (she's 101) but unfortunately, we just need to make the funding work. We said we would visit this summer is she was still hanging on, but I just don't see how we can make the money work, especially considering I don't get a salary in the summer. 

Organic food. Okay, I do compromise sometimes so that I don't dip into savings, but at least 80% of the time I buy organic. I'm now committed to also buying all non-gmo foods. This makes our food budget a bit higher than the average, but I'm pretty happy that we can feed 5 people and a cat on $800/month. Could I do better, probably, but it's a work in process. 

Charity. While we don't tithe a full 10%, we do tithe monthly. Our church does so many amazing things I want to continue to support their actions. 

Counseling. I need it, it makes me sane, therefore it stays in the budget. 

What we will give up:

Trips (like the one I'm on as we speak) that aren't to visit family. So far we have been able to carve out one vacation a year for just my husband and I. While they are budget trips, (everything must cost less than $1000, including travel, hotel, food, spending, car rental) it's still more than we will be able to spend in the next few years. Perhaps we can book a budget room somewhere within driving distance of our house or my mother's house, but our budget will be less than $200. No escape from the cold next year, let's hope it's an unusually warm winter. This will reduce our (enormous) travel budget from $700/month to $400/month. 

My gym membership. While it's great for me to exercise, I'm going to have to find new, less expensive ways to work out. Perhaps I can find a work out buddy, or pay for drop in classes, but I can't afford the  extra expensive right now. Because I currently am working with a personal trainer, this will save around $150/month

Eating out. Right now we have one date night a month, which I would like to keep, but it's not going to be to expensive restaurants. We also won't be able to just call for Chinese food when I'm too tired to cook (the danger of an autoimmune disorder). I will leave $50 in the budget for one very low cost date night and one "cheat night" if we really, really need it. This will save $100/month

Kids expenses. Diapers need to go. We will continue overnight diapers, but by 3, they need to stop using disposables during the day. We have cloth options if necessary, but it's just an expense that needs to go. Also, fun kid activities. Right now our kids are in 2 music programs, one in English, and one in German. They're also in a one day a week drop off program. This adds up to $250/month. 

Personal spending budgets. This will be my biggest challenge. I will keep some money in the budget, but I really need to reduce what I spend on myself. Haircuts, pedicures, clothes, a coffee with friends, I don't do this every day, but I almost always go over my $150 monthly allowance. My plan is to budget this with an envelope system and really stick to a smaller budget. This will save about $100/month. 

If you've added this all up, I'm now saving $900/month (plus the $600 we currently spend) so a total budget of $1500. Real cost will be $1800 to $2100 so I have a little work to do. I expect this to come from our savings/credit card bills/miscellany fund, or perhaps from savings. Or we cut the agency fee and it will work out fine... It's a work in process...