I'd say my husband and I are a lot alike in some ways, but where we're different, we're really different. When it comes to money it's like apples and oranges. I keep telling him he's lucky he didn't fall for me 6 years ago, pre-India trip and pre-Iraq. Seeing the world and all the people without bare necessities has toned down my own commercialism quite a bit.
That being said, I still enjoy spending money (most of the time). When I decide to buy something, and I actually find it, the right thing, that which I had hoped to find, in the right color, size, shape, etc., I'm happy when I make my purchase. My husband has a different reaction. Even when he's planned to buy something, the actual purchasing (of anything really) seems to feel like a punch in the gut. Even when it costs less than expected or will be a long term investment. He just hates to spend money.
Now, I'm not saying that I can't budget money or anything, because I consider myself fairly conservative with money. I certainly don't go out shopping every day, and when I do I try to limit my expenses to a reasonable sum. While I am a guilty fritterer, I don't spend large quantities of money without the same scared gut feeling that my husband gets. I'm just saying that I like to be able to buy things. I think it makes me feel affluent. Yes, I realize I'd be MORE affluent if I bought less, but there you have it.
Unfortunately I've started to feel guilty when I buy things. I start thinking, if I were living on my budget, without Gerd to support me, would I spend that much on a dress? Usually the answer is no, but sometimes it's yes. Likewise, sometimes I buy it anyway and other times I decide to hold off. I've never had comingled money before and we've yet to work out all the kinks. Gerd's budgeting method is to spend as little as possible. It works for him because he hates spending money, but it certainly doesn't work for me.
I want to KNOW how much I can spend, but that's completely foreign to him. I mean, if you goal is to NOT spend money, why would you set aside money specifically to spend?
So why am I yammering about money? Because last night I decided to go on a spending "spree", and even though I didn't spend too much, I still feel guilty. I went to my favorite store ever, Anthropologie, and everything fit. Perfectly. So I bought a shirt because it's timeless and I love it, and it costs far less than the dresses, but I put aside two dresses that I couldn't decide between. I've decided to make Gerd come look at them with me and let him decide which I buy. Maybe he'll tell me I should buy both :) (but probably not).
2 comments:
Ah, the fun of mixing financial styles. Joy joy. After 9 years of marriage (and more years of being together), we're still working the kinks out. And at each new milestone (buying a house, having a baby, changing work schedule/salary), we have a fresh "discussion" and have to work out (again) how things are divided and where the money comes from, where it goes, how much goes where. Did I say "joy"? Joy joy joy :S
I also like to have a budget of how much I can spend. I call it the "fun money" category, which drives hubby nuts.
No, I don't intend to just blow it all, but its an upper limit to keep in mind for myself. It seems like a difference between me&hubby and you&Gerd is that of the two of us, I'm the one who freaks out about spending the money. He doesn't want a budget so he doesn't have to plan his upper limit. If I told him I was choosing between two dresses, he'd say to buy both, and leave it to me to fuss over where the money would come from. Not that he just blows money, because he doesn't (often). But I want the limit on what can be blown should the occasion arise :) A safety valve on the oil deposit....
I should really check comments more often :)
We still haven't worked it out, but I have hopes of at least making a few changes soon. As far as I'm concerned it simply doesn't work the way it is right now. The only thing getting us by is our lack of control over how much we save. We have savings, so we haven't worried about putting more into savings, except that's going to change when we start spending savings (on things like house repairs and trying to have a kid, which is pretty pricey). But hey, my basic needs are met. I've got food, a house, the occasional new blouse :)
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