Two Weeks, Four Weeks, Six Weeks

We've known for a while that my grandfather has a terminal illness. He's got pulmonary fibrosis and there isn't a cure, so he's moved into hospice care. Things have been going pretty well. He's comfortable (or as comfortable as an 84 year old can be) and enjoying his time playing games and doing the daily crossword.

But we've been told all that's about to change. We've probably got two weeks before the nurse will need to increase his medications enough that he won't be able to hold meaningful conversations. He won't be here enough to enjoy the things he loves to do, but he also won't feel himself slowly dying.

In four to six weeks he will most likely die. And if the hospice workers have done their best, it should be a peaceful passing. We thought he had another six months, but everything had been going pretty quickly. I can't help but think he's tired and ready. I hope he's not scared.

My other grandparents both died suddenly. It was a shock, but life went on hold as the family gathered to mourn and give them a last goodbye. This slow dying, and knowing a time line, is very different.

I'm supposed to go on a ski trip this weekend, one that's been planned for a full year. I've gone back and forth on if I go or not. Should I take four days of those two weeks for skiing? Should I head out to see him immediately and stay the entire time? And that's the smallest of things affected. We close on our house tomorrow. I was planning to go to New Mexico in February, exactly in six weeks.

So I've decided to go on the ski trip anyway and go out to Rochester during the week. My aunt wants to go sometime during the week as well, but doesn't want to go alone. If she hadn't asked me I would have left over the weekend, but she has, so I'll plan to go with her. I'll leave on Wednesday and come back the following week. My mother is out there now and will stay until the end.

Fortunately our tickets to New Mexico are from Southwest. We bought them from Southwest specifically so they could be changed at any time, not because of Grandpa, but out of concern for weather. I was going to clear out my storage unit there. That can wait, as can many other things like doctors appointments and tutoring sessions. Everything is pretty much on hold and I'm in a holding pattern.

I don't think there's an easy way to let someone go. On one hand we have time to say goodbye, on the other hand a slow cut seems so painful. It is how is it is, and we all must go. But nothing, really, makes death easy.