My Head is Spinning

The word spin in German is only slightly equivalent to the English spin. Sure, it can mean to spin, like spin thread, but if you mean to spin around, that's drehen.

Spin is more often used in the context of spun up. Or, basically, nuts.

When you say "sie spint" you mean, she's crazy. This has been described to me like the spinning of a spider web. She's creating invisible webs.

I particularly like the analogy because when I'm going nuts I feel like my head is spinning in circles (the meat grinder effect).

Today I skipped my volunteer work. No reason, just didn't want to go, and since I'm not getting paid to go, I didn't go in. That may kick me in the behind sometime, but I think I needed some time to myself.

My mother thinks I have seasonal ? disorder (SAD, but I don't know what the A stands for). I don't agree. Yesterday was a beautiful sunny day and probably my worst mental day in a while. I substituted for the after school program at CFS which was okay, but I noticed that I was already down. On the way to choir I checked my e-mail and saw that I didn't get the job at St. Pauls. While I had already figured I didn't get it, and likely didn't want to take it anyway (we really like to travel on weekends) it still brought up all of the concerns I have about finding a job.

I skipped choir. Really, choir is usually good for the soul, but I just couldn't get myself to go. In fact, for a while I couldn't get myself to move from the bench at the subway station. I must have watched 10 trains go by, three of which were going in the direction of my choir class.

Eventually I started moving again.

Today I'm a little bit better. I actually got paid (my benefits were cut off when 3 weeks ago I reported $24 in substitute pay and the government thought I'd gone to full time work) and a school district called for an interview for a long term substitute position. I'm substituting in the afternoon again and another school district called to see if I could substitute for the day (I had to turn them down since I'd already told the other school I could work the half day).

But despite the windfall of good news...I'm still not at my best. I don't think it's seasonal, well, unless you call the economic resession a season. I'm going to name my own disorder Joblessness Anxiety Disorder (JAD) resulting in Ego Decline with Generalized Sadness (EDGS).
I bet there are more creative acronyms but I'm afraid this is the best I can come up with for now. You will notice that I'm *trying* to cheer myself up without drugs. Lets see if it eventually works.