Last summer was the pits.
Spring had some perks, like I got a long term sub job at a fabulous school (so THAT's how a school is supposed to work...) and we made a whole bunch of decisions about where to live for the time being (near my family for at least a few years), and we survived falling off of a mountain cliff.
But it was a roller coaster. One minute we're planning on buying a house, I'm planning a wedding, I see the future of me with this school district I love, and we're picking out baby furniture, and the next moment I'm jobless, weddingless, houseless, and very very sad.
I wanted to be married, but I didn't want to celebrate.
So I called the city clerk's office to see what their hours were in case we wanted to get a marriage license. I figured we could just get legally married and have the wedding next summer. The clerk's office in MA was busy so I called NY, figuring we could always have Wally, my step-father, sign the paperwork. The Glens Fall's office answered and said that they're only open 8-4 M-F, which would mean a day off of work for Gerd. I was about to hang up when the clerk offered to come in on the weekend and open the office for us. We were planning on visiting my mom anyway, so it seemed to work out.
I really wanted a signed certificate that weekend, but Gerd didn't want to act that quickly. We had 60 days, and it would have been nice if his mother could have come out, but he never pushed the issue with her. So in the end I finally said that Wally would marry us in the back yard on a visit and Mom would be a witness. I'd hoped to have the rest of my family there, but Gerd nixed the idea since his family wasn't there. He said we should have our wedding with everywhere there...
Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to be married. I love, love, love my husband and I look forward to a life together. The thing is, we really should have waited.
I got frustrated because we didn't have anyone there. We really could have picked any backyard, my grandparents included, and Grandpa isn't doing too well and probably can't go to any weddings. We haven't quite figured out how to tell everyone (the original idea was to send out save the date cards for a wedding next summer that mention, hey, by the way we already got married) so everyone is surprised when we tell them.
I didn't tell my father right away because I knew he'd think that there's no reason to come to a wedding next summer. Sure enough when I finally fessed up Dad's so mad I didn't tell him right away and that I'm already married that he's refusing to come to my wedding. If he really won't come I'm not sure if I'll have a "wedding" (I really wanted my dad to walk me down the isle) but perhaps a big party instead.
By now I should have some sort of plan together for our wedding, but I don't. If we could just set a date we could send out something to everyone, but to set a date we need to have a location, which is tricky because of the type of wedding I want (weekend getaway with cabins and bonfires and lots of outdoor games). Plus the location of the wedding is still a problem (I want the Adirondacks but then we have to schedule around black flies and tourists).
I thought the quick marriage ceremony would take the pressure off of the wedding plans, but that didn't quite work out the way I thought it would. As soon as I figure out what we're going to do next I'll let you know.
2 comments:
First of all, Congratulations! Oh wait, I'm suposed to congratulate the groom, and offer Best Wishes to the bride. Though something about that difference always sat funny with me.
Anwyays, what's a big family event without a little family controversy anyway. Most of my cousins' weddigns that I've attended have involved a pregnant bride (some of them within days of their high school graduations and with children by other men in attendance). My family was specifically not invited to another cousins' wedding (though my dad's not on speaking terms with most of his family, so its possible that the b&g invited NOBODY, but the other non-invitees don't speak to me (by virtue of my father), therefore I have no idea). And then there's my sister Amanda, who got married the first time without telling anyone (but was reckless and left the marriage certificate out where it was found by another sister), got divorced, and is engaged again (and I don't put it past her to just fly to Vegas without warning...even though she says she wants a real party this time).
I'm sorry that your dad is feeling hurt that he didn't witness the original exchange of vows. Hurt feelings always end up cutting backwards and no one's happy. But hopefully by the time you guys decide on your celebration, he'll come around and realize that the point is to celebrate the marriage and will be happy for you!
Hum, I posted a comment, but it didn't post. My Mac (or the internet connection to my Mac) is really really slow right now and causing things to time out.
Anyway, thanks for the congratulations. I'll let you know as soon as I figure out what we're going to do, what we're going to do. Seems like my dad may be bending a little (but he's not really known for bending too much) so we'll see. Here's to hoping I get a whitish dress and an isle and my dad and a big celebration!
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