I didn't think I did all that well on my graded lesson plan interview. Everything went wrong and I couldn't seem to fix it, and it turns out I didn't reflect on it the right way either. I also don't have the amount of high school experience the other teachers who interviewed did have, and I didn't stand out as a great candidate. I still say that they've had a month to see me and how I teach, so it can't possibly be about one lesson. Part of me wants to figure out how to do better and improve, and the other part of me wants to quit.
I love teaching, especially when things go right, but I'm seriously starting to wonder if I can be a good teacher. Will I always be the one not chosen? I was one of 10 who made it past the interviews, but I didn't have to interview for this position because I'd made it past the interviews for the long term sub position. I question if I would have made it to interviews this time round if I hadn't already been working there. AND considering I was working there, they must have very little confidence in me to make me re-interview for my job for the upcoming year, and then NOT hire me.
Some say I shouldn't take it too much to heart, but I ask you, if you had to re-interview for your job, and then they chose someone else, how would you feel.
I can use the time to continue to work on my practice, which is the responsible, productive time to do, but right now I don't even want to speak with the interview committee (half of the social studies staff). Hard to invite those who determined that you failed back into your classroom for feedback. I'm open to the feedback, really, and I know it would be helpful, but I'm just so hurt by it all right now that I literally find myself actively avoiding them in the school right now.
Maybe I'll plan a lesson to beat all lessons and then invite them back. If it goes well it'll be my personal revenge...see what you missed...and if it goes bad at least I'll have feedback and a chance to get better. But I think I'm going to let myself be mad for a little while. I'm really not ready to face the firing squad yet.
2 comments:
I've not had to interview for my own job, but I've been let go from 2--in one case they let the entire office go (and shut it down), so it didn't feel so bad. In the other, I was pregnant, and they told me "we don't want to make a policy of providing maternity leave. You will need to check back to see if you have a job." Given that i was the only female of childbearing age at the place, you bet it felt personal. And I never bothered to "check back". I took that answer as a much overdue sign that i belonged elsewhere.
I'm not entirely sure that the place where I ended up is significantly better, but for some reason it is where I'm supposed to be for now.
*hugs* I love cheesy messages through music, so here's a bad (and slightly out of place, since we're talking jobs and not romance) quote: God blessed the broken road that lead me straight to you...
Well, thanks for the encouragement. I have no idea where this broken road is going, but I am trying to keep my head above the water.
I keep telling myself that at least I got to see what a good school looks like. I'd really been wondering what a good school was like within the public school system, and now I know.
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